to think life isnt always better on your own

[FlowersAreFriends]

Aibu to feel like life hasn't got better since ex left? all i hear is women happier that their ex left and happier being a single parent and dont get me wrong im happy for them but i just feel miserable! i feel like im stuck in the past, havent moved on because have no time to date, ex doesnt see them or pay maintenance, cant work as oldest is out of school and cant be left alone, always broke because of this, dont have any family around and no friends because they are hard to make and most people seem to avoid us. I sometimes consider contacting him because life is much worse now and even find myself checking messages to see if he has contacted me (but nothing) aibu to say its not always better on your own? i find myself feeling jealous of other single mums with involved exes who get free time to themselves (although i know i shouldnt compare) but a single mum i follow is constantly on holiday because her ex has the kids so much she gets so much freedom meanwhile i feel trapped and unable to move on. i sometimes wish he would come back so i wasnt doing this alone.

He can do that now and isn't.

You're delusional.

because people that dont understand the situation give bad advice, no i cannot just “put her back in school” and no she cant be left home alone because she isnt safe to be.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5418214-to-wish-id-known-how-crap-and-miserable-being-a-lone-parent-is?latest=1

So what is your plan OP? To just rot at home until when?

and no i cannot study when they are in bed, i am exhausted by the time they are finally asleep, dd doesnt sleep till late

You’re going to go round in circle tbh because nothing anybody says on here will help. You don’t want advice, you don’t want mum friends, you don’t want mainstream, you can’t do online courses, statistically your idea to get back with a lay about ex is best for kids… I’d say get back with him and be done with it.

Ok , well if you wouldn’t live with him again and he wouldn’t even help with the kids what’s the point?

Plan for your future when your kids are in bed and start studying and doing what you can.

again i am exhausted to study!! dd doesnt sleep! i have not get time to study. im kept up half the night which is why im awake now because she doesnt sleep

What?

not sure what’s confusing? you dont have to live together

So whas the point?

so let me get this straight, i was being slated for moving him back in and now im being slated for NOT moving him back in…

If you are in a relationship with your children's father you should be living together and one of you should be working instead of both claiming benefits separately.
You are being slated because he could be looking after the child you refuse to send to school and you can go to work in your current situation but he doesn't.

How rude are you, no my child can’t go to school you know nothing about her and clearly know nothing about how it works! She has a ehcp and no school will take her all have said CANT MEET NEEDS so there is NO school on her ehcp, LA finalised it with a school that said couldn’t meet needs so I took them to tribunal, they have since removed the school because it said it couldn’t meet needs! Clearly you know nothing, no one chooses to have a challenging child at home full time for the fun of it! I haven’t had a break in 3 years even for a second, she can’t be left alone and gets hrc because she needs constant supervision, the LA employed 2 mentors to come and take her out for 2 hours a day and they QUIT after 2 days saying they can’t safely take her out in the community because she isn’t safe to take out even with 2 members of staff!! So you know nothing, I can barely leave the house with her because her behaviour is so challenging, I would love her in school so I could get a break!! But I’ve been fighting the LA for specialist but they have refused at every turn, I will move him in then! Yes I’m sure a mum would keep a child home and not send them to school because they can’t be bothered, when I’ve been fighting for the right school, but yes I will move him in then? Cant win it seems 🙄

.

I'm in a similar situation, in that DS14 has special needs and doesn't sleep well at night, rarely goes to school, and his Dad has no involvement.

Fortunately his father pays decent child maintenance and I do have family to call on if I really need to.

What I have learned is that you can't just wait for things to change. Help isn't coming unless you relentlessly seek it. Go to every government agency, charity, you name it. Do whatever you can to get a job. See if there's any free courses you can study. Leave ex in your wake and set yourself up well.

Sounds like it’s for the best if only for a break! Good luck op!

I had a meeting at my other child’s school and had to take her with me because I have no child care and she can’t be left alone and she was kicking off so bad in there I had to leave the meeting I couldn’t even have a 10 minute meeting.

a couple of years ago?

Thank you it’s nice someone is understanding rather than judgemental. I feel like I’ve exhausted all options now there isn’t really anywhere else to turn.

Sex

Maybe take up reading.

You need to work out who you are. What do you like doing? Sounds like your personality is ‘being in a relationship’. What do your children like doing? What can you do together?

I think until you sort out whatever is going on with your daughter nothing will make you happy (especially not her feckless, layabout father).
Have you thought about self reporting to Social Services (especially if younger children are being impacted by her behaviour), they are usually the ones that can get you the help you need.

sure i could claim £7 but it wouldnt pay for anything

Claim the £7. Over 18 years that is over £6.5k!

Have you challenged the LA’s refusal to provide full-time AP that does not rely on you to facilitate?

You could request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the children with disabilities team for DD.