to think life isnt always better on your own

[FlowersAreFriends]

Aibu to feel like life hasn't got better since ex left? all i hear is women happier that their ex left and happier being a single parent and dont get me wrong im happy for them but i just feel miserable! i feel like im stuck in the past, havent moved on because have no time to date, ex doesnt see them or pay maintenance, cant work as oldest is out of school and cant be left alone, always broke because of this, dont have any family around and no friends because they are hard to make and most people seem to avoid us. I sometimes consider contacting him because life is much worse now and even find myself checking messages to see if he has contacted me (but nothing) aibu to say its not always better on your own? i find myself feeling jealous of other single mums with involved exes who get free time to themselves (although i know i shouldnt compare) but a single mum i follow is constantly on holiday because her ex has the kids so much she gets so much freedom meanwhile i feel trapped and unable to move on. i sometimes wish he would come back so i wasnt doing this alone.

and statistically children arent better off with one parent who cant work and no maintenance from the other parent, it works both ways, he only stopped working when we split.

there was no abuse.

What sort of things interest and inspire you and where would like your life to be in a couple of years time?
You can’t rely on this man. He will leave you again and have absolutely no respect for you, and you will feel even worse.

It’s hard work but worth it and your kids will be so proud of you. You can absolutely turn your life around into one you enjoy.

What childcare help do you need to be able to go to work or study so you are out meeting new people and finding yourself ?

🙄

i cant work, my child is disabled and i have them full time, no one will look after them because of their challenging behaviour

You can’t be serious? Get back with a fella who has chosen not to work and provide for his children? What great role models these kids have. If you get back together do you think he’ll snap back into employment or are you thinking you’ll go back full time and be the bread winner?

Look forward- not backwards. What’s the plan to get your child back into school and you back to work?

my child cannot go to school nowhere will take them!

How old are they? What are the local authorities doing about a school placement for them

That sounds hard. Do you have a behaviour support team to help with a plan going forward?

14

Im starting to think that myself because of the dismissing things completely when people make suggestions or using the term statistics I think your probably right

no i have never heard of that before

What are the local authorities doing about a school placement for them?

refusing to help, i dont really want school advice im doing what i can there they want them in a mainstream but no mainstream will take them and they cant find one that will but insist shes a mainstream child.

where are you up to with a EHCP for them?

they have a ehcp its finalised with mainstream and no school because all mainstreams have said no

Not supporting your children is abusive.
Not seeing them is abusive.
Saddling children with a father who they know doesn't care about them is abusive.

Just because he didn't physically assault them, it doesn't mean he isn't abusive @FlowersAreFriends

Unfortunetly I am right. I recognise her after her last post a few months ago, she uses the same phrases

I got really suckered into the last one 🤦‍♀️

When your kids are in bed you can study a course online and plan for your future.
Can your 14 year old be left for a few hours?
You say that you don’t want school advice but you are feel and trapped in the house and your circle is small that you are desperate to settle for your ex.
So you need to prioritise getting your child back into school or alternative setting so you can start building your life by work part time or study and get out to meet people

Don't put your children back into a situation where they are forced to live with a person who does not care about them. It's clear your self-esteem is in the toilet, don't inflict that on your kids too. That sort of thing does long term damage to your children.

Also as a heads up, a man who quits his job to avoid paying child support is financially abusive.

Honestly work on your own life and self esteem. I am saying that as someone who has been a single parent with extremely limited resources and supports, who has raised my own kids single handedly. I also rarely received child support. It's not easy but setting a good example for my kids and giving them the best life I can is what has kept me going when its tough.

The local authority have a legal duty to provide education. Have you contacted SENDIASS?

and they have, the mainstream school that i refused to send her to as she wouldnt cope they only removed it recently

i wouldnt live with him and he wouldnt want to anyway he would just stay to help occasionally