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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single parent but your not- why do people say this?

98 replies

QuickPearlFox · 22/02/2026 18:00

Maybe an unpopular opinion but why do people/ parents in relationships say things like they are a ‘single parent’ ‘solo parenting’ ‘single parenting’ whenever they are not with their partner, partner at work or their partner is away for a a few days etc?
I don’t view this as being a single parent in any sense. Is this not just looking after your own children when your partner is not present?!!
in saying this it also minimises what life is like for an actual single parent eg one income, nobody else to help out with daily life and everything else that comes with it

OP posts:
BringonSpringnowplease · 22/02/2026 18:02

Well of course it's nothing like being a single parent. But being a single parent who is now in a new, supportive relationship isn't the same as being a lone parent either

Enko · 22/02/2026 18:02

If they are the only one there they are
"Single parenting/ solo parenting" for that monent. Doesnt make them a "single parent"

As for why people say it. Because thats how they view that monent.

Theunamedcat · 22/02/2026 18:03

Solo parent means your on your own today

Single parent means your on your own everyday

Bobbie12345678 · 22/02/2026 18:05

Because it is what is happening for them in that moment.
You are taking it far too personally. They aren’t talking about you. It isn’t a competition.

takealettermsjones · 22/02/2026 18:06

I don't say I'm a single parent but I do say I'm parenting solo a lot, whether that's here or to friends on group chats etc - it's just a short cut for "DH is working away for X days so I'm on my own so no, I won't be able to do Y until I've picked child 1 up from her activity..." etc etc. I'm not trying to say it's the same as being a single parent.

Simonjt · 22/02/2026 18:06

I used to be a lone parent, a colleague insisted she was a lone parent like me because her husband worked two days a week. I find the “oh x is away so I’m a single parent” tend to also belong to the brigade who consider doing basic adult tasks life admin that they find for some reason challenging.

SargeMarge · 22/02/2026 18:09

BringonSpringnowplease · 22/02/2026 18:02

Well of course it's nothing like being a single parent. But being a single parent who is now in a new, supportive relationship isn't the same as being a lone parent either

If you are in a new relationship, then that person should have absolutely nothing to do with your kids and shouldn’t be anywhere involved with them.

I’m a single parent. Have been in a relationship for two years. I’m still a single parent. He doesn’t parent my kids, pay my bills, take on any of the thinking or worrying about the kids, deal with school/their friends/their clubs.

He is there for me, during my time. But he has nothing to do with my kids, because he’s a new relationship, my kids didn’t choose him and I won’t bring a man into their home.

Alcoholtakingherlife · 22/02/2026 18:11

I often say I'm flying solo this week if my husband isn't around and I can't go somewhere because of childcare but I don't think it's anything like being a single parent.

PangolinPan · 22/02/2026 18:13

I'll say I'm solo this weekend if my partner is away. I'd never say I'm single parenting.
One of my children is extremely challenging so that means people understand I will be having a difficult time.

goz · 22/02/2026 18:14

I’ve never heard anyone say they are single parenting, solo parenting is the phrase if you’re on your own for a considerable period of time and it’s an accurate description.

WildUnknown · 22/02/2026 18:16

Women in marriages with useless or abusive men are often completely on their own when it comes to the DC. Many find it easier when they officially become single

BringonSpringnowplease · 22/02/2026 18:22

SargeMarge · 22/02/2026 18:09

If you are in a new relationship, then that person should have absolutely nothing to do with your kids and shouldn’t be anywhere involved with them.

I’m a single parent. Have been in a relationship for two years. I’m still a single parent. He doesn’t parent my kids, pay my bills, take on any of the thinking or worrying about the kids, deal with school/their friends/their clubs.

He is there for me, during my time. But he has nothing to do with my kids, because he’s a new relationship, my kids didn’t choose him and I won’t bring a man into their home.

Show quote history

I suppose the word "new" can mean different things - I agree re a recent relationship, but at some point families are blended and you could be 10 years into a second marriage - it's still a new relationship in terms of it not being the one you had with the parent of your child!

Idontspeakgermansorry · 22/02/2026 18:32

I wouldn't say I'm single parenting, but I think solo parenting is generally accepted to mean parenting without your partner.

My DH has been away for 3 weeks now and I think I'm solo parenting. Definitely no help with daily life.

ItsStillWork · 22/02/2026 18:38

There’s a difference between a lone parent (that’s me) and a single parent.

i don’t have the financial situation of a single parent but i do everything for the kids and all days out etc are just me and the kids.

OneNewEagle · 22/02/2026 18:51

I was a lone parent. Then eventually years later a lone parent with my oh. I did 100% of the parenting 247.

I have lost count of the times people tried to compare, it used to make me really sad. things like oh I’m just like you (from a friend)… um no you aren’t. Your ex has your child every other weekend , pays maintenance and you have a new husband and children with him.

Or the oh I’m flying solo this week I’m just like you comments. no you aren’t your husband is away working one week, he is there the rest of the time, loves you all, pays the bills.

people can never read the room with this topic. The only person ever like me would have been another lone parent and even then there’s layers as they might have help, and so on.

muggart · 22/02/2026 19:01

OneNewEagle · 22/02/2026 18:51

I was a lone parent. Then eventually years later a lone parent with my oh. I did 100% of the parenting 247.

I have lost count of the times people tried to compare, it used to make me really sad. things like oh I’m just like you (from a friend)… um no you aren’t. Your ex has your child every other weekend , pays maintenance and you have a new husband and children with him.

Or the oh I’m flying solo this week I’m just like you comments. no you aren’t your husband is away working one week, he is there the rest of the time, loves you all, pays the bills.

people can never read the room with this topic. The only person ever like me would have been another lone parent and even then there’s layers as they might have help, and so on.

I was going to say something like this as well.

There’s a big difference between being a “single parent” who is divorced with shared custody and an ex who contributes to his children’s lives either emotionally or physically or financially, and with a widow who carries EVERYTHING herself.

I didn’t realise that divorced women with involved exes considered themselves single parents until I was in my late teens actually. I thought it was a bit silly of them if I’m honest.

Madthings · 22/02/2026 19:04

I say I am a solo parent rather than a single parent. My current relationship status (I am single) has nothing to do with my parenting status.

But I am a full time solo parent, prohibited steps order in place the childrens dad is not allowed any contact with them, and hasnt seen them for 8 years . My youngest has complex needs and i have no family nearby to help so it is ALL on me.

I think people mean the practical load is on them maybe when they say it. I do think even co parents have it differently from when you are doing it totally on your own with no one to share the emotional load etc. But that can happen within a relationship. Coparenting with an arsehole is hard too.. there are just variations on hard.

Its not a competition, parenting is hard. It is helpful to recognise where we have privilege. So I may do it all solo but I am fortunate to be reasonable educated so I can navigate benefits system, currently navigating send and social care system too...but I have some brilliant friends so if I need a rant/moan I can message them.

It is what it is.

Buscake · 22/02/2026 19:11

Madthings · 22/02/2026 19:04

I say I am a solo parent rather than a single parent. My current relationship status (I am single) has nothing to do with my parenting status.

But I am a full time solo parent, prohibited steps order in place the childrens dad is not allowed any contact with them, and hasnt seen them for 8 years . My youngest has complex needs and i have no family nearby to help so it is ALL on me.

I think people mean the practical load is on them maybe when they say it. I do think even co parents have it differently from when you are doing it totally on your own with no one to share the emotional load etc. But that can happen within a relationship. Coparenting with an arsehole is hard too.. there are just variations on hard.

Its not a competition, parenting is hard. It is helpful to recognise where we have privilege. So I may do it all solo but I am fortunate to be reasonable educated so I can navigate benefits system, currently navigating send and social care system too...but I have some brilliant friends so if I need a rant/moan I can message them.

It is what it is.

I also say I’m the solo parent because like you there are court orders preventing any contact at all with their other parent. I have no family in the country. I am all my children have.

Single parent can imply you actually get time to yourself when the kids are with their other parent. It really does my head in to read posters saying they feel like a single parent etc. I’ve been there in a marriage and knowing you’re holding it all, but it’s in no way the same as actually being on your own, being the only parent the only adult, no family, all on you. But like others have said, it’s not a race to the bottom, everyone has difficulties. I think this thread is touching a nerve in some posters who still want to justify using phrasing like this.

Letterstojuliet · 22/02/2026 19:34

I just wanted to throw in there that some parents who call themselves single parents (not in a relationship) co parent and their child might go to their other parents for 50% of the time. Some single parents are doing everything or 99% and getting no help.

You can be in a relationship and do more of the load than a “single” parent with their child 50% of the week.

I think that labels are just that and shouldn’t be compared, every situation is different. “Solo parenting whilst my DH is away” is a perfectly fine sentence and it isn’t minimising those that are single parents 100% of the time.

A label doesn’t mean anything and that someone is doing more or less or the same so don’t get too caught up on that.

Madthings · 22/02/2026 19:36

Buscake · 22/02/2026 19:11

I also say I’m the solo parent because like you there are court orders preventing any contact at all with their other parent. I have no family in the country. I am all my children have.

Single parent can imply you actually get time to yourself when the kids are with their other parent. It really does my head in to read posters saying they feel like a single parent etc. I’ve been there in a marriage and knowing you’re holding it all, but it’s in no way the same as actually being on your own, being the only parent the only adult, no family, all on you. But like others have said, it’s not a race to the bottom, everyone has difficulties. I think this thread is touching a nerve in some posters who still want to justify using phrasing like this.

Show quote history

Yes the sheer weight of being THE only person for your children is immense.

It does hit a nerve when people talk about doung it on their own for a weekend etc and how hard it is. But even just knowing they have someone who will be coming back makes a difference.

Not having any back up, not knowing when or if you will ever get a break is incredibly hard. And the worry if anything happens to you as a solo parent, what the hell will happen to the children.

goz · 22/02/2026 19:36

muggart · 22/02/2026 19:01

I was going to say something like this as well.

There’s a big difference between being a “single parent” who is divorced with shared custody and an ex who contributes to his children’s lives either emotionally or physically or financially, and with a widow who carries EVERYTHING herself.

I didn’t realise that divorced women with involved exes considered themselves single parents until I was in my late teens actually. I thought it was a bit silly of them if I’m honest.

Show quote history

I mean what is a divorced woman with children and no partner if not a single mum?

The definition of single mum has been that there is absolutely zero father involvement.

Fearlesssloth · 22/02/2026 19:40

As a single parent I would be annoyed at someone using that term when they weren’t one too. But I’ve literally never heard anyone say this

ClaredeBear · 22/02/2026 19:59

Theunamedcat · 22/02/2026 18:03

Solo parent means your on your own today

Single parent means your on your own everyday

That’s my understanding too.

StrongLikeMamma · 22/02/2026 20:07

They are exaggerating

Nameychangington · 22/02/2026 20:08

Madthings · 22/02/2026 19:36

Yes the sheer weight of being THE only person for your children is immense.

It does hit a nerve when people talk about doung it on their own for a weekend etc and how hard it is. But even just knowing they have someone who will be coming back makes a difference.

Not having any back up, not knowing when or if you will ever get a break is incredibly hard. And the worry if anything happens to you as a solo parent, what the hell will happen to the children.

Show quote history

This.

Especially when my DC were little the weight of knowing that the cavalry were not coming was huge for me. I am very lucky with grandparents helping but when it comes down to it, everything, from finance to decisions to broken nights to driving them about to everything else you can think of is totally on me, always. That is not the same as having DC who go to another involved parent 50% of the time, or having a partner who works long hours. I'm not saying those things aren't hard, but they're not the same thing.