Mum invites sisters family everywhere

[ByOliveSloth]

Little bit of a back story. My sister moved away for a while and whilst my children were young me and my mum would do a lot together and were close. When ds moved back home, wherever we went mum would invite her and her husband. It didn’t matter if it was a trip out for coffee or a school event. After a while I became worn down with this and told mum if I was giving her an invite it was not for her to extend it. She disagreed and said we were family and this was how things are. With this I stopped inviting my parents places and do not see my sister much as we don’t have much in common.

On to today. It is my son’s 21st birthday soon and I asked if my parents wanted to go for a meal. I would be covering the cost of this. She then said she would have to check if my sister and family are free. I pointed out it was just an invite for my parents. She took offence to this and kept saying we’re all one family. I now feel guilty that i am excluding them however my son is not close to his auntie and does not see her often. The meal was his idea and he asked for the grandparents to come but did not mention asking my sister. Am I unreasonable for not wanting to invite them?

They don't get to decide who you (or indeed your son) invites to an event, and if they are going to get the arsehole every time, then they'll have to manage without seeing as much of you, won't they?

Unless there's some massive drip feed coming that your sister is a horrible person or something, I think you're absolutely crazy to have this attitude towards your sister. Your mum won't be around forever.

But nevertheless you are in this position, so yes your mum is being unreasonable to push it, although I understand her - she just wants her daughters to get on. But sadly it's not her place to. So you need to speak to her and tell her she's being weird, either stop or she's uninvited.

But what a shame.

Does your DM invite you to everything she does with your sister?

Why do people do this i have had friends who do this aswell as family its like your company isn't good enough and they need all these extra people around. Not everything has to be a big event sometimes you just want a proper 1 to 1 catch up with a person. Going out in larger groups is just everyone shouting over each other and nobody properly talking.

No. I’m never invited to anything that they do together.

Not unreasonable at all. Just stop inviting her anywhere.

Well just say that.

Its just a couple of hours

YANBU and do not feel guilty. Your mum is being completely unreasonable. Tell your mum if she’s offended then she doesn’t need to come. What does your dad have to say on the subject?

Also I would point out to your mum the double standard of this.

Do you know why this is? Have you pointed out the inequity to DM?

He doesn’t. He’s scared of her and just goes along with what she says.

Then this is a weird situation. Have you asked your mother why there are two rules when it comes to inviting the other sister?

I have always been told she was an easy child and I was awful so assume she prefers my sister over me. However this is a guess. When I have pointed it out mum changes the subject so I have never gotten to the bottom of it.

I have I never get an answer mum changes the subject. If I push it she gets angry.

YANBU tell your mum your son is an adult who has asked to have a meal with his grandparents, why is that not good enough for them?

Op sorry are you saying your mum is happy to spend time alone with your sis and her family but when it comes to you she plays the we are one family card? Whereas I understand including other family members into events , surely a dinner for your son where you are paying isnt a big ask of her ??

What stuff do they do together and is it often?

You are not at all unreasonable OP. Your Dsis is obviously golden child and treated as such. Honestly, I would/have take a huge step back and let them get on with spending time together. I would extend that to caring duties and running errands as DM gets older too.

Just tell your mum your son wants them there but hasn’t invited your sister, if she pushes it just tell her you will no longer be inviting her & your dad due to their double standards.

Your mother has made a choice. Go out with your son for his 21st and don’t bother inviting her to anything ever again.

Have you pointed this out to her?

Have you pointed this out to her?

ETA that I see this has been.asked and answered.

And, from your answers, it seems like DM has one set of rules for you and.another for your DSis.

If she won't address this; and insists on DSis being asked to everything; and you won't go along with this demand... well, it is what it is.

A shame.

I wonder if, rather than beingbtheceasy one, your DSis is actually giving your mum.a row if she does stuff with you and DSis isn't included.

DM knows that she is being inequitable between you and Dsis, that's why she gets angry if you try to raise it because it means admitting she is in the wrong. All you can do is set your boundaries and she can either fit in or f*ck off. Whilst DM would like both of her daughters to be close, she does not have the right to force it (especially since that only applies to you)

It clearly shows she doesn’t like you as much and doesn’t want to spend time with just you/your family.