To be at my wit's end with DS?

[WithTwoGiantBoys]

DS17 is driving me nuts. In year 12 and simply has no work ethic at all when it comes to his school work. He is doing ok in a practical BTEC and a practical A Level but is failing his maths A Level. We got a tutor to help him, school is doing lots to support him, but it just isn't his priority and he just doesn't seem to care. All he cares about are his mates, his girlfriend, the gym, and his part time job (which only matters to fund his lifestyle).

AIBU to expect him to put in some effort? It's half term and he has done nothing but enjoy himself. I have pointed out repeatedly that we won't be funding his lifestyle after school if he doesn't have a job or a course of study. He just nods along then does nothing. I can't force him to do anything, so I just end up frustrated. I love him, he's a great lad, but if I hear "It's not that deep" one more time I might explode.

YABU: it's his life, you can't make him do anything, he just has to find out for himself and you support him best you can but have to just let it go

YANBU: You are right to be angry and just haven't found the right tactic yet to make him study. (Please tell.me what this is as I'm out of ideas)

My son sat them last year. They definitely exist here (Wales)!

My children are/were in English grammar and they just did year 12 predictors.

Good luck OP.

Is there a different subject he could swap to? My DS did so at Easter of that year - dropped physics took photography. It worked. It was project based but he caught up. He also had dyslexia.

He then did a 1 year access course whilst deciding if he wanted to do Uni, and what course.

There’s time to work things out, and it’s ok not to stick to the usual sausage chain route. Let him breathe a little, explore a little. There will always be a solution, and having the social skills and work experience will stand him in good stead.

My son is yr 13 and turned 18 in dec, since he went back to college in sept I made the decision to take a back seat, whereas previously I’d make sure he was up to get there on time, question him about homework etc
There’s only so much you can do and as they become adults they have to take responsibility, I know it’s frustrating sometimes re their lack of focus, my ds overslept this morning and missed college, he’s gone in for this afternoon but I find it so bloody infuriating he can’t just get up on time, he can manage it for work as he’s getting paid!

You are one employer. Other views differ.

Of course they do. I didn't think we had to put that disclaimer on every post.

Disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are entirely my own and may differ from that of other people.

Thank you for the disclaimer.

My grandson got 10 x9s at GCSE. One was Maths. He started out with 4 A levels and dropped one at AS level. He struggled with A level maths and it was one he really needed for the UNi course he wanted A level maths really is different to GCSE. He didn't get the grade he needed so had to take his second option uni offer. Maybe more useful to stop at AS and pick up another subject to get an AS stressing wont help him much