Can I take a sibling to a child’s birthday party

[ThisGreyHelper]

I have 3 DD (7, 4 and 7 months). DH has recently passed and I find situations like this a bit overwhelming to navigate rationally.

DD4 has a soft play party and it’s private hire so you can’t pay for extras. My DD7 is going out with my lovely sister for a girls days but I’ve just realised it might be rude to being the 7 month old. Sister wouldn’t be happy to have the baby (she has never looked after a baby). I don’t baby any other childcare.

party is on Sunday so will message the mum tomorrow but would you think a baby would be ok? She won’t eat anything or need a part bag. She can’t move yet so won’t be in the way and I’ll just keep her in a sling/ pram if she’s sleep.

yes or no to a baby attending? Thanks

I actually find it quite sad, because of course you are not the only one, it's not a personal attack.

But realistically, we work, the kids are at school, we don't have that much time to spend together

I genuinely don't understand how people don't enjoy watching their kids having a blast at a birthday party, when you can sit down and chill guilt-free - unless you have urgent work to deal with and you spend 2 hour on your laptop, I 've done that too.

Kids birthday parties give them the chance to do so many different things and activities, I find it depressing that parents see them as a chore. They're only a couple of hours, plenty time to do the activities you want around them anyway.

Sure anyone wouldn't think twice about you bringing a baby. Obviously if it was the older sibling you would need to ask xx

Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn’t have an issue with a baby being brought along.
As for future parties, if it’s a public place and it’s possible, you could offer to pay extra for your other kids . If it’s a private thing then you could see if it’s ok to just drop off or if another parent is willing to take along.
over the years many siblings have come along to my kids parties, either joining in if appropriate/ suitable or just sat with their parents.
Ive not necessarily done party bags etc for the extras kids, but always given them a bag of sweets or cake. I’ve been lucky that the families have all been respectful and supportive in these situations and we have lovely memories of our kids enjoying themselves.
once they get to 6/7 it tends to be drop offs anyway.
I hope you have some good supportive family and friends to help you .

I didn't " feel" anything. It's really not that deep. Kids party cause hassle , no go. If possible to drop off for a couple of hours fine ( it would be my weekend off and I could take other one out and get one with stuff"

Mind you mine weren't brought up to expect they could go to every party, trip etc that appeared.

And what the hell is a ,," school community,"

Another question for all the parents that say they would just pay for sibling to attend if it's somewhere like soft play. I wouldn't have been able to afford it as well as get the birthday child a gift. What's the solution there? If I could afford to take them to a paid activity once a month for example then would then have to miss it due to one child attending a party and having to pay for the other

That’s nice. But tbh rare that siblings esp older get included with invite /party bags

so always message host

if both were invited why wasn’t both names on it
but glad it’s sorted

fwiw a baby under 1/not walking I think is fine to bring , but again a heads up asking if ok is a good idea

parents tend to stay in r&1. By yr 2 I was leaving mini blondes alone at parties

tho I know of some families who both parents still stay now in yr 4

I make clear on invite to drop child off and collect at x o click

Ps sorry for your loss - my husband died tho years ago now and was childless

to have 3 small children to look after - by yourself - it’s a totally diff ball game 💐

single parents either ask for favours - drop off or share lifts etc

Sorry for your loss ♥️

as a general rule it’s rude to bring siblings. However give that the sibling is a baby I can’t see anyone saying no or thinking anything of it x

it gets easier as they get older as the tend to be drop off parties.

Aw that's lovely

Only slightly related to this but I was going to say that you've probably been inundated with offers after the death of your DH offering to help "if you need anything" -and if you are in an awkward position with the kids going forward, whether its parties, appointments, or feeling ill and not being able to take the kids to school - don't hesitate to take advantage of those offers by asking for help when you need it, even if it's a year or two down the line.

As your friend shows, most people recognise you're in a difficult situation and really do want to help - its clear from your post that you aren't the sort of person who would take the piss. The worst they can do is say no, in which case you haven't lost anything. Please don't feel guilty - if I was your friend I'd honestly want to help and would hate to think of you struggling, particularly when it's such a comparatively minor favour like just taking an extra kid home/to the park for an hour or two.

Accidently voted unreasonable. You're being entirely reasonable. So sorry for your loss, I hope you all have fun at the party.

You don't even need to ask for your 7 monther. Just take them in their pushchair like you're planning to. People know that babies stay with their parents and in your case they'll know that even more keenly if your DH has recently died (I'm so sorry about that)

I disagree, it is always polite to check and doesn’t put people’s backs up. Yes, nobody minds a baby coming, but it always is appreciated when people don’t assume.

For example, I was invited to a baby shower when my DD was only 2 months old and exclusively breast feeding. I still messaged to explain that I would be unable to attend unless I could bring her, and understood if they would prefer not. They warmly welcomed us, but I would never have rocked up without discussing with the host first.

I have seen a real difference in terms of generally parents bringing older siblings to soft play parties without asking in advance/messaging to tell me ‘I’m bringing both’ (incredibly rude, well you will be paying for them!) vs those who politely explain they have no one to help, offer to pay and explain child too anxious to drop off, whilst saying they understand if they can’t attend. I welcome them because they have not taken my original invite for granted and behaved politely towards me.

One was particularly rude and very disappointed there was no party bag for an uninvited sibling who she had not even said would be coming with her- so incredibly entitled.

I’ll always check if I do need to take one of them in the future. We never took siblings to parties before. One of us went to the party and the other stayed with the other child(ren). Something else that I didn’t ever think about.

I think most of the parents from class know about the change in our family circumstances so that does make it a little easier going forward.

the only childcare help I currently have is my sister so I am on the lookout for some paid help which should definitely help with future parties ❤️

Who's back would be up with the presence of a seven month old baby with its mum in a pushchair? Backs would only be up potentially if there was a joining-in sibling that hadn't been allocated for.

Of course it's very polite to "ask" beforehand but there is no need!

Basically you DON'T do anything that would involve the host having to do anything or pay any money! So

• a baby sat with you is fine
• a older child at a place where the public are paying to be there at the same time as the party is fine, provided you pay for the sibling and buy them food
• a sibling where the host has hired the whole space is NOT fine, unless they have spaces
• letting a sibling join in at a place whether the host is paying per child and NOT paying for the sibling is not fine
• Obviously when the children are both older, make sure the sibling knows they won't have been counted for cake, party bag, or anything else that might have been pre-bought per kid, and don't expect to be given a party bag, slice of cake etc.

If you can, checking with the host before hand is good, because they can clarify the situation - For example:

• "there'll be a space because Sarah can't come, I've paid for it anyway so David's welcome to take it"
• "we've filled all the party spaces, but you're welcome to pay for David to play on the soft play and then buy him a meal to eat with the other kids"
• "Sorry it won't work this time, because we've booked exclusive use of the soft play and got the maximum number coming."

I think there is. The person invited is who is named on the invite. With my example, I understood my friend may have preferred an entirely adult only event. A party with an entertainer may not want a baby screaming throughout quieter games, they may prefer the invited child to be dropped off.

People generally have lost touch with the birthday party being for the birthday child, not a general family meet up and get together. My 4 year old, who I never take to my eldest son’s birthday parties or vice versa, has told me that she only wants friends in her class there this year, and not older siblings she doesn’t know or younger ones running around spoiling structured party games. So the invites will make it clear we can’t accommodate siblings, you are welcome to drop off your invited child, understand if you can’t make it. Entertainers have max children numbers, why should the host be charged extra?

Similarly, my eldest was irritated that at his soft play party, uninvited siblings (who I had made clear needed to pay separate entrance) came into the separate party room for food, resulting in some of his actual friends not having a seat! We asked parents to take the siblings out, some did but others did nothing to help. It was incredibly rude.

Do you not remember when we were kids it was fine to do something without your siblings or other people’s, and just your actual friends in your class? I never, ever went to a party my brother was invited to, or vice versa, or had siblings turn up at ours. Very odd.

Who are the 30 people that thinks this is an issue? Can you explain why?

I quite agree with all your points and feel I must point out that I'm talking specifically about the 7 month old baby that will not be joining in, expecting food and entertainment, or wanting a party bag.

I stand by my original statement that there's no need to ask in this scenario. It will be fine!