Can I take a sibling to a child’s birthday party

[ThisGreyHelper]

I have 3 DD (7, 4 and 7 months). DH has recently passed and I find situations like this a bit overwhelming to navigate rationally.

DD4 has a soft play party and it’s private hire so you can’t pay for extras. My DD7 is going out with my lovely sister for a girls days but I’ve just realised it might be rude to being the 7 month old. Sister wouldn’t be happy to have the baby (she has never looked after a baby). I don’t baby any other childcare.

party is on Sunday so will message the mum tomorrow but would you think a baby would be ok? She won’t eat anything or need a part bag. She can’t move yet so won’t be in the way and I’ll just keep her in a sling/ pram if she’s sleep.

yes or no to a baby attending? Thanks

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Even older siblings wouldn't bother me, if there wasn't space on the package you could pay for them to go in, and I'd be happy for them to join in the party food and a party bag if there was spare.

And that is regardless of your circumstances, that'd be my approach anyway.

Obviously if you were a known cheeky fucker bringing 4 kids who would rampage and steal all the food it would be different. But a 'normal' family bringing an extra child would not be on my radar at all.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I would bring baby for sure it’s not issue!

going forward with older ones I would usually ask if it was ok to bring x child and pay for them. It must be very difficult for you to juggle.

I think it’s rude to bring a sibling to a party assuming they are part of the party. It’s different when they are a paying guest. It’s quite a normal scenario.

So if you take soft play; normal entry is £8. Ds(5) has been invited to a party and so doesn’t pay but his sister hasn’t. I take them both, pay £8 for dd to go to soft play and ds goes in as a guest to the party.

Why is it sad? All the kids were dropped off. My eldest DD didn't even start school until easter before she was 5 in the summer. Rising 5s was normal then. So no whole year in " reception '

And I used to work every other weekend and kids be with family members 30 plus miles away.

They don't care

YANBU, babies don't count in numbers as they won't cost anything or need anything so she won't mind at all. Also, given your husband has just died, you could bring 5 uninvited siblings to my kids party and I'd make it work.

If you do need to take either sibling to the other one's parties in the future, just ask when you RSVP for the other one, or as soon as you can. Most people don't mind at all if it's for childcare purposes as long as they know in advance so they can adjust numbers/party bags.

Baby would be fine.

Well with 7 year old you can drop off for parties.

If the 4 year old has a party then would your 7year old happily sit and colour or watch a movie with head phones? Check with parent but Id be totally happy with that

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I would say it’s absolutely fine to take the baby, without even allowing for your situation. My 9mo always comes along to parties when I take my 4yo. He stays in his sling and usually sleeps through the whole thing. It has never crossed my mind that it might be an issue - and there are always other parents with babies. Once the little one is about one, and wants to walk around rather than sleep, then I’d no longer take him.

Given that you have list your DH, I can’t imagine any parent who wouldn’t just let you bring the little one if you’re stuck!

A baby is no issue whatsoever, not like they will be eating the food/cake at the end! Honestly don’t sweat it.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

No one will bat an eyelid at the baby there. Honestly, don't stress.

Mumsnet is very anti siblings at parties and I agree it's rude to just turn up with an older child, but if I knew your situation I'd make sure the situation worked for you - whether that was letting you drop and run or inviting your older child. Most people are kind OP and I'm sure would try to help you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yeah we used to do this. Older daughter would go to the party. Younger would come along and I’d pay her in and there were usually a couple of other younger siblings there for her to play with.

So sorry for your loss.
i wouldn’t bat an eye at someone bringing a baby, I’d expect that.

A baby is completely different from an older sibling, you’re not expecting her to be catered for. She’s basically part of you. Don’t worry, it’s fine.

I think at least 5/6 siblings must have come to every party I’ve ever had. Sometimes they will tell me, sometimes not. No one has ever demanded anything and they’ve always been welcomed with open arms as part of the wider school community.

….. they’ve also never acted up though - that would be different.

I would be devastated if my kids friends felt excluded just because their mum has no support.

The idea that they are a CF is laughable - like they want to spend 2 hours a a shit noisy party? They are there for your child.

That you felt they couldn’t go. If that’s what you chose to do then good for you, but if it’s that you felt you couldn’t I think that’s sad that your school community wouldn’t accommodate your situation.

I am glad it's not the same here.

Of course they are CF, they expect their child to be involved in a party that has nothing to do with them, that someone else has organised and pay for!

Let's not be hypocritical, we don't bring our children to birthday parties as a favour to the birthday child - unless they are an absolute nightmare and it's our good deed of the day -but parties are a great entertainment for your own child.

I am glad we have better than shit noisy party, kids have fun, and parents can sit down with a coffee for a couple of hours. There are worst ways to spend time with your kids.

The etiquette is to get other parents to supervise until they are at an age you can drop off and collect without staying.

Ok let’s agree to disagree.

I would never reject a child unless I physically couldn’t fit them in. Extra siblings are always welcome to my party and in my home, invited or not. Pre warned or not. I live in a community where most parents are the same and I am glad for it. I will never call anyone a CF for bringing a sibling - they are not there out of choice. There are easier ways to entertain kids. I put at the bottom of invites to let me know if bringing siblings so I make them an extra party bag.

I always ask a parent if I need to bring another to a party, and would of course pay for them.

And no- I am quite certain that most parents would rather be anywhere else than in a room of loud children. I have never been to a child’s party for my own joy and wellbeing - nor would I choose to bring additional children out of choice - leaving them with their father is infinitely preferable 😂.

OP a should bring the babe, and could message about the other kids. Any response other than sure bring them along would be from a less than pleasant person though in my opinion.

I think very young babies like yours who don’t require paying for, feeding etc would be more than welcome. Great to check though. You could also offer to drop your invited child off/ask another parent staying to keep an eye for you. It’s great to team up with other parents to help too, although I genuinely don’t think babies under 1 attending with mum are seen as any issue. Some are still breastfeeding so need to be with mum. Good luck!

7mo absolutely.
if it’s an exclusive hire type thing I’d always say yes to siblings but they don’t get party bags unless there’s a no show.

Baby is fine its not like they are able to go off and play at a soft play!
my son had a soft play party and I just paid for the siblings as a few turned up, most parents don’t mind.

Why are you asking strangers instead of just contacting the parents?

Absolutely no problem in my opinion! There will be lots of adults to keep an eye on dd4. Loads of people brought babies to parties when my dc were this age!

Shouldn't be any problem with a baby.
In your situation any decent person would be most accommodating.
I'm so sorry.
Being left with 3 children and one so young must be extremely difficult.
Mind yourself as best you can.
You sound amazing to be upright.

I always brought siblings to parties. I either paid for their entry if I soft play type place or just kept them with me if it was a hall etc.

It's only an issue if you expect them to be able to join in with the party, which lots of people do!

Good news - the mum assumed that I’d be bringing all 2 girls and has got party bags ready for them all to attend. She’s was really lovely about it but I’m glad I did check before hand.

DD7 won’t be attending as she’s super excited for her girls day but so lovely she was included