Can I take a sibling to a child’s birthday party

[ThisGreyHelper]

I have 3 DD (7, 4 and 7 months). DH has recently passed and I find situations like this a bit overwhelming to navigate rationally.

DD4 has a soft play party and it’s private hire so you can’t pay for extras. My DD7 is going out with my lovely sister for a girls days but I’ve just realised it might be rude to being the 7 month old. Sister wouldn’t be happy to have the baby (she has never looked after a baby). I don’t baby any other childcare.

party is on Sunday so will message the mum tomorrow but would you think a baby would be ok? She won’t eat anything or need a part bag. She can’t move yet so won’t be in the way and I’ll just keep her in a sling/ pram if she’s sleep.

yes or no to a baby attending? Thanks

It’s absolutely fine to take the baby. She’s non mobile and won’t be eating party food. Absolutely no need to ask. Obviously it’s different with the older 2 and you will find yourself in that situation in future. Increasingly though your elder DD’s parties will be drop off and some will be in venues where you can pay for the other dc as a member of the public. As a single parent myself we didn’t have a massive amount of issues surrounding this

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s understandable that these kind of issues feel overwhelming right now.

There’s no hard and fast rules for siblings at parties - babes in arms (or in their buggies) are always fine, but for any child big enough to move around and therefore possibly get in the way you would just ask the parents. Obviously offer to pay for the entrance for the sibling (if applicable). We’ve had some parties where we’ve been able to include all siblings (eg if we’ve rented a village hall and there’s plenty of space) and some where we’ve had to say no sorry as the venue has age limits, it just varies every year.

Sorry for your loss. Definitely fine to
take a baby, maybe just send the mum a friendly message explaining.
Going forward for older children around here parties don’t usually expect parents to stay so you could take the younger two elsewhere for the party.
Hope they have fun!

This is totally fine and someone who would say no to this, especially given your circumstances, would be a very unpleasant person.
I am very sorry for your loss.

I wouldn’t bring the 7 or 4 year olds without being invited to but I’d think nothing of an actual baby. I wouldn’t even ask or expect to be asked about that. Though I’d love a cuddle :)

im so sorry for your loss.

if things like this come up for you in future please do reach out to the other parents. I would absolutely bend over backwards to help you - either by bringing one of your children or letting you bring siblings or anything really. My son’s bestie’s dad passed away when they were maybe 6 and for a couple of years he wanted his big brother with him at parties so I invited them both. If theres something small that could help you I’d really want to know.

Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to ask to bring a baby along.

I’m a single parent with 3 and 5 year old so have had this a lot. At my son’s school it’s common for siblings to be invited and a lot of them come along, particularly to village hall parties. Occasionally, if they’re not specifically invited but it sounds like a big venue where they wouldn’t cause extra work/ cost I’ll ask to bring my youngest. If it’s something where the numbers sound limited or there’s a specific cost for each child I don’t ask or find someone to leave my youngest child with.

I think it’s harder to take an older child to a younger child’s party as it changes the dynamic more. My oldest would want to join in but I wouldn’t be able to let him in most cases. Might be easier with an older child who can just sit on a tablet/ read.

I read some threads about this which made me feel bad about asking before but no one has seemed to mind in reality and usually there’s been a few siblings at every party. My children miss out on a lot from me being a single parent already and I think sometimes you have to ask for help in these sort of situations.

I have had mums bring their babies to my daughter's soft play parties. They never asked and I just expected them to anyway. I ended up holding my friend's baby to give her a break. 🤣

Sorry for your loss.

My DS has a friend who has several siblings and dad used to work away a lot. They often asked another family to help with parties so he could attend. Might be useful going forward if you can't sort childcare for your older ones. But as others have said a 7 month old will be fine as they don't need any catering etc

This. A baby I would expect to be brought. They won't be expecting gift bags, eating the food or taking up soft play space.

I'm sorry for your loss. For parties, DS is 7 and we drop and go now so you probably aren't that far off that for both of your eldest!

Sibling trying to join in the party - not ok

Baby/young toddler being held or entertained separately by their parent - totally fine.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Don’t be shy about asking for help with the kids by the way. If your 4 or 7 year old was friendly with my child, I’d be very happy to keep an eye on your 4 year old at the party or have your 7 year old for a couple of hours so you could go.

I’ve read the same threads and it makes me feel bad how un accommodating people are. Any number of siblings would be welcome at any party I threw as long as the could physically fit in the venue. I do extra party bags assuming some will show up.

OP - babe in arms, I wouldn’t even mention it. Other children - I would ask the parent but I would be shocked if they had an issue with it if you offered to pay for them.

That’s really sad, and honestly unnecessary. I don’t think any of the mums at my school would say no to siblings turning up.

Mumsnet is a bit weird in this respect and completely contrary to my ow experience

It’ll depend on the soft play rules. Some soft plays count babies in numbers and some don’t. If they’re at max capacity for the private hire then you may not be able to bring baby, but the likelihood is they’re not and it’ll be fine, so you’re doing the right thing messaging and asking. As they get older it will be harder, lots of parties in reception and year 1 in DDs school have been halls with bouncy castles and entertainers, with set numbers and siblings are not welcome. Make friends with other parents as soon as you can and they may be willing to help out. I’ve taken one of DDs friends to parties a couple of times when her mum hasn’t been able to and would definitely help you out in your situation.

Our school is definitely a no-siblings at parties school. I think as everything is getting more expensive and you have to pay for extra children for pretty much every party now (even entertainers have limits and then you have to pay extra). But many parents help each other out and take e as others children if there’s an issue.

The baby is fine. It’s older siblings people have issues with.

Parties in a hall or something, then that’s not as bad. But if it’s something like soft play where numbers are set, then you shouldn’t bring siblings unless tue venue is open as usual and you could pay for your own ticket for that child.

It’s completely normal here; you just pay for the sibling separately.

I am lucky that all the mums around here are considerate - and when they had to take a sibling, they always brought entertainment for the uninvited one , usually a tablet, so no one crashed a party uninvited. It made 0 difference if the child was there or not, and that's what it's all about.

It's only on MN that I heard of these CF decided to invite a spare sibling, ruining the vibe and the party, demanding food and party bag. They wouldn't be invited again that's for sure.

A baby is totally fine.

I’m so sorry for your loss

Siblings are fine as long as they’re small enough not to need including or big (mature) enough to sit on the sidelines. Definitely a 7 month old, I don’t think you even need to
ask. It’s not like they can run off and join the softplay! I think a 3 yo at a 5 yo party could be tricky age as the 3 yo wouldn’t necessarily understand that the activities, food etc wasn’t for them (depending on the 3 yo personality). I had no issue with people bringing siblings to my DC’s parties as long as the parent was making an attempt to keep them on the sidelines. I also offered them leftovers, sometimes had a spare party bag etc. I do remember inviting one child’s younger sibling as they were very close in age and my dc had been at preschool with them. My mum was a bit (quietly!) outraged that they sat up at the table till I explained to her I had actually specifically invited them too!

my experience is that's it's beyond rude and inappropriate to bring someone who wasn't invited. If the birthday child wanted to have them, they would have invited them
Age matters, younger or older make a difference in the group.
Poor parents already planned and paid for a certain number, even in a hall, and often had to restrict the guest list.

Are people so rude they also go to a wedding with an extra guest or more?

You can't bring siblings to a party in general- it's not polite. A baby does not count because will not take part of the activities. So sorry for your loss.💐

In your circumstances, any normal person would be happy to help and not follow the usual rules, Most people are kind.

You have to check your area. Around here, it's not acceptable to drop and run, and parents feel they are inviting to a party, not providing free childcare. But on MN, some posters say they drop and run from reception!

That will give you a clue, and then you can ask a friend to be in charge of yours if an adult need to stay.

Babies are fine, and as long as you entertain the other sibling , no one should mind. It's obvious when a sibling tags along or when the CF parent expect them to join

But saying to the party organiser that you are on your own with the children, no one normal should mind. The least we can all do is try to make the life of a child who just lost a parent that little bit easier

So I have always assumed babes in slings are fine and haven't even asked. Once they start toddling/demanding food I drop a line and say x's sibling will come too because no-one to watch them but I'll bring snacks for them and pay any entry fees, hope that's okay but please let me know any issues. It is never ever an issue. Sorry for your loss x