To feel incredibly sorry for myself?

[Carlie97]

I broke up with my ex in 2018 after ten years together. I noticed on social media that he'd met someone new after years of being single. He did meet someone shortly after we broke up and that hurt like crazy when I found out, but life moves on. When I found out he'd started seeing this one, I was absolutely fine and even wished him well in my head, however I've seen today on social media (I'm still in touch with some of his family on social media) that him and his girlfriend are away in the place we used to go together and the place I love so dearly. She has tagged family members im still in touch with who are there too which is how ive seen the posts on SM. I still go regularly on my own to this place but I'm devastated.

I think it’s natural to feel unsettled in this position.
It’s interesting that they haven’t found their own “things” and he’s taking her to a place the two of you shared. I’m guessing she is oblivious to that.
Allow your self to feel how you do. As someone else said remind yourself why you broke up.

Do you think it’s time to move on and perhaps let the family relationships go? That’s his family and whilst you may get along, I don’t think it’s fair you’re continue the friendships when he’s got a new partner and you clearly still feel something for him.

If you werent bothered by his holiday, it would be fine, but given you’re upset, I would suggest your relationships with his family are no longer appropriate and you should concentrate on building new relationships. Have you had a relationship since?

@winter8090 I would assume he loves the place and wants to share it with his partner. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been somewhere with someone else before, there’s no claim over land.

My husband and I love Wales, if we divorced, I’d still love it and want to go with future partners and family.

It's this. Total lack of imagination.

Why is it interesting he took her to this place? They've been finished for 8 years. I doubt it even crossed the ex's mind that he shouldn't go there because he went with an ex. Maybe it's a local country park or attraction where thousands of people go.

I used to go somewhere with my exh, I carried on going as I liked going there for a walk (It's a good 4+ mile walk), then later on would meet a guy I was seeing there as it was halfway between us. Not because it held memories of my exh but because it's a lovely place to go for a walk, meet for a coffee.

The OP needs to move on because clearly she hasn't.

I have been where you are. My exH took his new gfriend to our honeymoon destination including SAME hotel 4 months into their relationship.

I felt like I’d been shot in the chest.

However, as pp mentioned I just reminded myself why he was an ex.

Of all the places in the world, why take her there?

I also blocked him/them on all social
media for a few months.

It will take time but it gets better. Just be nice to yourself and focus on other things. Dont keep looking at the
pics. I HIGHLY recommend blocking them even just temporarily.

Sorry for your hurt. I know exactly
how you feel.

He sounds like a dick.

I suspect the issue here is the ex’s see it as just a place they really like, so want to visit again, and the person feeling hurt sees it as the place that holds memories, which is special to them.

which is hurtful when you realise they don’t feel the same about it.

Oblivious to what? It’s just a place. It’s not ‘their’ place. You don’t get custody of places in break ups.

If I found out DH used to go somewhere we go with his ex, I couldn’t care less, it’s a complete non-issue.

Also OP goes to this place, so feels she can still go, but he can’t?!

I can only think people who have issues with this are not over someone.

Quite a harsh response.

A public walking trail is hardly the
same as a destination place eg honeymoon hotel as per my example.

You need to move on. The likelihood he is taking her there, with you on his mind is very slim. You've been finished 8 years, you shouldn't care what he's up to. Unhealthy.

I agree.

I wouldn’t stop going to a place that I loved because I went there with my ex.

If you’ve been with someone for 10 years then there are bound to be lots of places they visited, it would be silly to refuse to go to them again.

I think you need to come off social media and live in the real world. It was 2018! That’s pre-Covid!. You broke up for a reason. You go there on your own regularly and he’s every right to take his new partner there if he likes it- regardless of whether it was your place or not.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I suspect he doesn’t give you a passing thought- he probably doesn’t even remember going there with you. You’ve got to get yourself into a place where you can be fine with that and take joy from other things.

Can you articulate what the issue is with your ex going to a hotel you went for your honeymoon, even though you’re now split up?

DH’s ex comes out with things like this and I find it mind-boggling. She seems to think he needs to respect the time they had, even though she left him.

Yes YABU to feel incredibly sorry for yourself over a break-up that happened 8 years ago.

I think it may be time to move on, like your ex. And cut out the ex's family if being in touch with them still keeps dragging you down to feeling sorry for yourself. It's obviously not helping. Just cut all ties and start dating again.

Exactly what I was going to suggest.

OP - What if the next thing the family members are tagged in is an English announcement? Or wedding photos? Or “We’re expecting a baby”?

Seeing these updates is just upsetting you. Unfollow the family members without deleting them altogether.

I think it’s the delusion you still matter to the ex. That your time together in these places is so important to them, they’d not take someone else. Same as staying in touch with their family, it feeds that you’re still important. You’re still the one.

and when you realise, they’ve totally moved on, the place isn’t special to them as you went there, it’s just a place they like and are happy to make new memories there with someone else, thay that someone else is now in your old place with the family, it can cause a lot of pain, as you’ve clung to the delusions so long, simply as your time there is still important to you, you’re not taking anyone else there, you think you’re the one to their family, and you’re not. You’re just an ex from the past and they don’t place any importance on you, can be really hurtful.

it’s just a delusion that went on too long.

I also don't understand being in touch with and following his family on social media if you're struggling to get over someone. Eight years is a whole pandemic ago and then some.

Social media always makes people feel shit for one reason or the other. There’s no need for you to be friends with his family members still.

Wallow away, you’re only hurting yourself. He sounds happy, aim for that for yourself but you won’t get there if you choose to keep looking backwards.

I understand, OP.
Really do, about the place. Hard thing to let go off,even with time!
💐