To feel incredibly sorry for myself?

[Carlie97]

I broke up with my ex in 2018 after ten years together. I noticed on social media that he'd met someone new after years of being single. He did meet someone shortly after we broke up and that hurt like crazy when I found out, but life moves on. When I found out he'd started seeing this one, I was absolutely fine and even wished him well in my head, however I've seen today on social media (I'm still in touch with some of his family on social media) that him and his girlfriend are away in the place we used to go together and the place I love so dearly. She has tagged family members im still in touch with who are there too which is how ive seen the posts on SM. I still go regularly on my own to this place but I'm devastated.

Wow. People are right, blocking the girlfriend will mean you don’t see their posts on his family’s Facebook. Which is odd that you even still follow his family, as surely you’d see other posts that could include him. I’d unfriend all of them. You clearly aren’t over him. Staying friends with his family brings no benefit whatsoever.

Oh, and you should apologise, but I suspect we won’t hear from you again…

It can of course be very hurtful.

As a PP said, it’s ok to be sad but it’s not ok to wallow in it - you only hurt yourself.

It seems a shame to block/unfriend his family members as they were such a big part of your life but if seeing things like this is going to hurt you, then it may be the best thing for it.

I personally find coming off FB all together, or just having a good break from it does wonders for your MH.
I have not been on it for years.

You need to remember that he was just a chapter in your life.

I look back on my teen years and feel so sad that I’m not that young and carefree anymore but I then I remember the negatives of that age too and now I am an adult and can do whatever I want.

They say we spend too much time focusing on the past and future, and not enough time focusing on the present.

Be thankful that chapter is over and focus on the chapter you are on now.

Stop speaking to his family, block him - move on. You haven’t really moved on.. it’s so hard I know but it’s time. Don’t let him have any more of your life!! He’s clearly got no imagination. Find a new place that is yours to love; forget about the one he’s gone to. He’s not as great as you think op! Hugs xxxx

None of this sounds healthy.
You sound like you havent moved on at all. Id really consider therapy.

Great that his family are nice. But they are HIS family.
Unless you and his sister run a food bank together on something you should just remove his family and get on with your life.

As an fyi one of my exs proposed to his now wife at a place I showed him and we spent a lot of tike together at 😅 i didnt think much about it beyond it being humorous because it showed his tragic lack of imagination.

I'm sorry you're feeling down about this. I guess even after a time it's a shock to see but I think a PP makes a good point about 'wouldn't you like to take someone you love to this special place' when the time comes.

Also the one who said men are unoriginal with stuff like this. About 6 months after I ended my marriage XH took his new girlfriend to the holiday let we'd stayed in after we got married - there were pics of her on FB in the bed where we'd consummated our marriage 😂!

How you get and more sleep after this snarky response!

Unfriend the family if you don’t want to see him enjoying his new life.

And it’s time to move on also.

My friend took his second wife to the same honeymoon destination as his first marriage! He said “I have all my honeymoons here!”

Both first and second wives thought it was hilarious.

Well you are clearly severely lacking in emotional intelligence. You are presumably at least around the age of 30. You are pining after somebody that you broke up with almost 10 years ago. You're following that man's relatives on social media then whining that you're getting updates about your ex's life.

If you can't do the adult thing and shrug then scroll on then you obviously need to unfollow or block these relatives or leave facebook altogether. Social media isn't mandatory. It's not like Skynet are going to come and arrest you if you block these posts...... and you're telling the pp they're stupid?....🤣

I’m confused as to why people are assuming you’d instantly block the gf.

I’d never go on to an ex’s new partners Facebook page - that would be odd.

Plus I assume that OP did not realise that she’d feel so strongly about the photos and so there was no need.
It sounds like the type of photos (visiting the same place) are what has hurt more than the actual photos together.

Its ok to advise blocking the new gf now but it’s not helpful to ask why someone didn’t already do something - how is that good advice, that’s just trying to kick someone when they’re down.

Starting to think the guy is better off…

So this is somewhere he goes with his family, if they are tagged. Not just a couple thing? And it's somewhere you still go without him?

Yabu to expect him not to go there with or without his new gf then. He can hardly say to his family no we can't come, that was a special place 8 years ago.

Yanbu to feel whatever feelings you feel, but you need to deal with them to move on after this long.

On the other hand, in order to block the new girl friend as mentioned upthread, OP would have had to look her up on FB (unless they knew each other to begin with) in order to block her, which wouldn’t have been a particularly healthy thing to do.
It sounds like she was taken aback by the strength of her reaction to finding her long-ago ex taking new GF to ‘their’ places. I suspect that the breakup was led by him, and still hurts somewhere inside, especially if OP hasn’t found a lovely new partner to move on with.
Hope you can process this soon , @Carlie97

Seems a like a massive overreaction to be this upset about an ex so long ago. He has every right to go to a place he likes with his partner and family. If you still go, why shouldn’t he?

I meant she(my exes new thing) will find out soon enough how lazy he is.........
Of course people move on, thank god🤣

AIBU to feel sorry for myself over this?

After 8 weeks / 8 months - YANBU
After 8 years - YABU

I would remove his family from social media, they will always be his family and you will always be their family members ex-girlfriend first and foremost even if you’ve grown to be friends I think it would be healthier and kinder to yourself to just cut ties on social media.

It’s been a significant amount of time now since the break up and your reaction to PP giving you some advice was really out of proportion. I think you could do with seeking some support with your mental health.

Rude!!!

YABU @Carlie97 . You broke up with him 8 years ago, this is ancient history and if you are ruminating on it that is your issue. I understand all you say about social media links with his family but that is your choice, you don’t have to be friends with them and if you choose to do so you take the risk you will see stuff like this.

We might all feel faintly nostalgic for old relationships from time to time, especially in the circumstances you describe but it’s silly, you can go to the “special place” if you want to but it isn’t your’s and the reality is if you share a place or activity with a partner and they like it they will go on to share it with others in the future.

…and if she has met someone, they’ll never, ever be allowed to go this special place with her or anyone else…

Do you feel a bit replaced? That's OK to admit. I've felt like that before and in some ways I found it harder than the relationship ending. Maybe you should withdraw from his family, not because they've done anything wrong, just for you.

Then maybe you need to make a hard choice.

And if you cant make it yet, mute those lovely family members. You can still message them if you choose, they arent blocked but theyre away from your feed

By now it shouldn't matter if he takes his new girlfriend to a certain place. It's been 8 years.

I wonder whether it's because he's actually got a girlfriend he's serious about more than the place though.

I have an ex partner that did something similar to this and then some - dates we’d been on that I’d planned for us, and the absolute cheek of the man, dates I’d suggested for the future! He recreated them all with his next serious girlfriend. I did feel hurt about it. I shouldn’t have stayed friends with him on Facebook, but I was young & hopeful we could work it out in the future. When I saw him tagged at the butterfly farm I was fuming, went onto his page for a bit of a stalk and there were something like 7 other dates he’d taken her on that were identical, the new girl was posting ‘he is so amazing, shows me so many new experiences, treats me so good’ and I thought what a load of tosh, these were my ideas! He stole my dates!

we did have slightly overlapping circle of friends and I asked him a couple of years later when I saw him why he’d done that (they’d broken up by this time) and he said yep it was a bit shitty, he wished it hadn’t ended up on social media but he’s never been good at coming up with ideas, so he went back through our ‘date photos’ and searched our WhatsApp chat for other things I’d mentioned doing & just did them. I was glad it wasn’t a deliberate thing to spite me, he did do some other hurtful things when we first broke up that I felt really jealous about (brought a date to my local pub on quiz night and sat near me which isn’t a crime, but they both lived 40 miles away in a city and this was a little town pub, totally ruined pub quiz night for me. Sent me ‘accidental’ messages meant for ‘another girl’)

YABU

He’s an ex for a reason. Not clear if he ended it with you or vice-versa/mutual. But either way, at least one of you didn’t want to carry on the relationship. So it had to end. You’ll always have the happy memories you shared, including of the special place. No one can take that away.

The fact he’s taken his new DP to the special place, shows how much his time there with you meant to him. Which is why you also still go there. That’s lovely.

But IMHO you need to move on. Life’s an amazing journey. We walk the path with people for a while, before they take a different fork. Then, we may walk alone for a bit before meeting new, interesting people ahead on the path. Try not to keep looking back when there are beautiful valleys and mountains to be explored ahead.

Maybe some therapy would help. Or taking up a new hobby where you could meet a new set of friends. And rather than block people (harsh) stop looking at social media. Who cares what other people are up to. It’s all so performative and superficial - they don’t post the dark moments. Hang out with people IRL.