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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daughter won't use sensible security precautions for her belongings?

127 replies

ShamedBySiri · 20/02/2026 12:28

It drives me nuts that DD2 pays so little attention to taking care to protect herself and her belongings when travelling. She has just left to spend the w/e in London with friends. She asked to borrow the drawstring Uniqlo bag that I bought as a beach bag and stuffed a few overnight things into it. It's fine for non valuable items but things can fall out and more importantly it is a gift to pickpockets. She uses her phone for everything, her rail ticket and paying her way using Apple Pay.
Where I are you going to keep your phone I asked, you do know not to use your back pocket?? Off she went, bag on shoulder, phone in hand.

Last time her phone was stolen (in London) I helped her buy a new one, paying up front before receiving the insurance money. I didn't make her pay me back the difference between insurance and full price. (I refuse to have phones on contract and use giffgaff goody bags). Today I had to bite my tongue not to say what my mother would have said "Don't expect me to help you buy a new phone if you lose this one". I really try not to turn into my mother but the same thoughts are there even if I stop myself from saying them. She is absolutely on her own this time. She previously lost a phone dropping it down one of the loos at Glastonbury and received an insurance payout plus help from Mum. I doubt she will get a third insurance payout and as it's our household insurance I'm not sure I would want to put it to the test and give us a bad record.

I bought her a foldie over the shoulder bag (they were 2 for 1 and I wanted one for myself) and she did appreciate it and uses it for foreign travel. It has lots of pockets and inner hidden pockets to secure items like phones and bank cards and if you don't over fill it can wear it unobtrusively under your coat.
But apparently it's not cool in London. I guess I just have to shrug and leave her to it, there's only so much one can do and the bank of Mum is closed this time. Maybe I should have pre-warned her about that but couldn't bring myself to echo my own mother.

https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E483802-000/00?colorDisplayCode=19&sizeDisplayCode=999

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OP posts:
SugarPuffSandwiches · 20/02/2026 20:52

ShamedBySiri · 20/02/2026 14:38

She’s an adult. She’s 25, meant to be saving up for postgraduate studies later this year hence living at home again for a bit. Anyway she gets paid next week so if she loses it she can sort it herself.

It just does drive me nuts. She was with a group of friends in Berlin and her friend had her phone pickpocketed within about 2 hours of arrival. She’s had the experience of her own phone being stolen/picked from her bag. But still won’t take sensible precautions. 🤷‍♀️

25! She's an adult.
Yes, I get that's frustrating, my eldest is in their twenties and an absolute twat for losing stuff and it used to drive me demented.
Nowadays though, meh. If you lose stuff, it's not me its impacting, is it? Let them bail themselves out and face the consequences for your own sanity.

damsello · 20/02/2026 20:55

I got one of those spiral key chains, well I got a few of them, since everyone wants one the minute the see my set up!

Simple light small crossover bag similar to Uniqlo bottomless (!). Must have inner zipped pocket and zip needs a hole in the pull bit. Insert one end of key chain to zip, the other to phone.

The phone extends right up to the ear, cab be waved around, great for taking pics etc. and it cannot be nicked from the bag and you won't lose phone if you keep cross body on you. Great for travelling in dodgy areas too.

www.amazon.co.uk/PCS-Stretchy-Spiral-Key-Chain/dp/B0FNR9BSV9/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?sr=8-1-spons&aref=fL2MVDT4uC&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

You're welcome. 😊

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2026 20:57

Think back to when you were 25 OP. Would you have listened to your parents about things like this? My mum probably didn’t even know when I was in London, let alone what bag I used.

rwalker · 20/02/2026 21:18

I’m not understanding why this is your problem
personally I wouldn’t be claiming of my insurance for her

she need her own separate mobile insurance

Lifeislove · 20/02/2026 22:07

cardibach · 20/02/2026 20:49

That’s the one! I’ve convinced myself I can’t have it because it says it’s not colour fast and will mark my clothes.

Mmmm, should you be sensible or just throw caution to the wind or you could just buy some green jumpers and jackets so the dye warning's not an issue ? Hard one

MsDitsy · 20/02/2026 22:45

There were over 71,000 phone thefts in London last year apparently. My colleague was texting his mate, ironically a police officer, just outside our office in London and 2 lads on a scooter snatched it. I have also seen many police officers stopping tourists walking around with phones and even IPads to educate them on the risks. I worked around Euston and Waterloo Stations and you absolutely have to stay alert to your surroundings. Phone theft is rife as people are often too emmersed to realise imminent danger.

MajesticWhine · 20/02/2026 22:52

I voted YABU because even if you’re right it’s not your problem, so stop worrying about it. I have no idea what my 25 year old is up to and I hope she wouldn’t listen to all my tedious middle-aged advice.

NaiceBalonz · 20/02/2026 23:14

She's 25, ffs. You sound incredibly controlling and overbearing.

Mcdhotchoc · 20/02/2026 23:29

Let her learn
When dd was 18 she had a phone stolen, and then she had another nicked at Uni. The first I replaced via insurance, the second I didn't.
She has never lost or had a phone stolen once she had managed to get another iPhone

mummybearSW19 · 20/02/2026 23:36

My mum had no idea where I was at 25yo and I certainly wouldn’t have gone to her or my dad if my phone had been stolen.
Live and let live. She will learn!

EagerLemur · 21/02/2026 00:27

Plugging granny bags, is the post for tlreal or just made to plop links for them granny bags, I just wear a bum bag, I have no shame

UnNiddeRides · 21/02/2026 01:15

She stuffed her overnight things in the Uniqlo bag. You couldn’t get pyjamas, knickers & and toothbrush in the Foldie thing. It’d be useful if you wanted to carry the deeds to your house, a copy of your planning permission application & a lip balm. And some other flat stuff. Otherwise it’s an ugly bag that’s too big for just a phone. Should the worst happen she may be more careful in future, but I’m pretty sure it won’t make her use that godawful bag.

PigletJohn · 21/02/2026 01:49

Stop taking responsibility for the stuff she loses. Suggest she gets insurance.

I am a man and like "cargo pants" with pockets on the legs. I put my phone and wallet in them and they never fall out and would be awkward for pickpickets to reach. London tourist areas are infested with thieves and pickpockets. Sometimes things fall out of other trouser pockets.

I have had a wallet taken from a back pocket in a crowd. If wearing a jacket it goes in an inside pocket,

Gremlins101 · 21/02/2026 02:26

Sounds like me in my younger days. But my parents didn't worry about it. As long as I came home safe, my belongings were my problem.

Nearly50omg · 21/02/2026 03:03

Until you stop treating her like a child and baling her out and having her possessions on your insurance and things like that - she should have her own insurance at her age!! Then she won’t be careful with her possessions because she knows you will buy her a new one!! Let her drown and get herself out of trouble!! You aren’t doing her any favours

PollyBell · 21/02/2026 03:18

So because she is not ypu she is wrong, you come across as the most important thing is you being 'right'

Rosealea · 21/02/2026 04:24

Think you're showing your age op. She's not doing anything that everyone else isn't doing. It's fine.

Paraguay · 21/02/2026 04:26

She's an adult. Stop babying her

EveryDayisFriday · 21/02/2026 05:21

25? Are you kidding? I was married and mortgaged by then, I certainly didn't have my Mummy worried about my belongings. Step back and leave her to manage her own things, she's been an adult for 7yrs.

Createausername1970 · 21/02/2026 05:34

Let her make her own mistakes.

My mom was constantly telling me not to use an beach style bag to work. I commuted to London on the train.

It took two purse thefts before I started to make sensible decisions.

The first was on the station, one person barged into me and got my attention by apologising profusely, while the other person was taking my purse out of my bag. The second was on the train. I had my bag on the seat next to me and dozed off. At some point someone must have walked past and taken it.

I started being sensible about 21, but I think this generation is even less savvy in many ways.

Moanella · 21/02/2026 06:04

I use big tote bags, but have a series of pouches (Elizabeth Scarlett ones from Vinted) that I put my stuff in to switch between bags - but also makes it easier to locate stuff/less easy to reach in and pinch I suppose.

After so many occasions of my phone falling out my pocket and down the sides of my car seat, I often have it on a plain black lanyard. It goes over the shoulder between vest top and sweater and is unnoticeable, but means I’m not going to be lose it.

Have drummed into the kids not to wander around with phone in hand. If figuring out where to go, usually look at maps, try to memorise the route a bit (it’ll vibrate in my pocket when needing to change course) and only take out when needed - stopping and standing to one side first. Ditto headphones. Might have earbuds in so am less bothered by people, but won’t have music blaring and prefer to be aware of my surroundings in cities.

I’m also a saddo and have a pop socket thing on my phone that makes it easier to grip. Actually so does 19 year old as liked a particular design, but she’s one of the rare ones who doesn’t gaf what people think!

DH is a security consultant (IT, but also physical security paranoia) and I guess it has just rubbed off on us. I absolutely hate losing things and it feels like a violation if it happens.

Stop bailing your DD out though!

Iocanepowder · 21/02/2026 06:13

Your are overthinking things op and being too judgemental.

Anyone can get their phone stolen.

In London I witnessed a man have his phone stolen. He was walking while looking at his phone and a thief snatched it out of his hands while riding a bike.

I have had my phone out in London loads of times, for example to use google maps.

Just let her get on with it and stop with the bag insistence and let her sort out her own insurance.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/02/2026 06:56

Why will you not tell her up-front that you won’t be bailing her out? That seems very unfair, as if you’re setting her up for a nasty fall.

IamnotSethRogan · 21/02/2026 07:03

ShamedBySiri · 20/02/2026 14:38

She’s an adult. She’s 25, meant to be saving up for postgraduate studies later this year hence living at home again for a bit. Anyway she gets paid next week so if she loses it she can sort it herself.

It just does drive me nuts. She was with a group of friends in Berlin and her friend had her phone pickpocketed within about 2 hours of arrival. She’s had the experience of her own phone being stolen/picked from her bag. But still won’t take sensible precautions. 🤷‍♀️

Sorry I think you're a bit over the top. She's had a couple unfortunate situations but that doesn't mean she has to carry round some ugly bag everywhere she goes. My phones always in my back pocket and I've never had any problems

I feel like you think it was her fault that she was robbed.

FlatErica · 21/02/2026 07:06

Stop helping her out. She’ll soon learn.

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