AIBU? Cousin named baby extremely similar name to mine

[DazedAndConfuseddd]

My cousin (husband's cousin but I've been close with her for 13 years) recently had a baby boy and named him Albie. My 2 year old son is called Alfie. Feeling very uncomfortable with how similar their names are. They could have chosen from thousands and I just don't understand how someone wouldn't consider that or my feelings.

We are very close and they will be growing up around each other. She didn't even give me a heads up or check if I had an issue beforehand. I feel pissed off and upset.

For context, Alfie is a rainbow baby who has his own serious health conditions. He was a miracle baby and his name was something we spent a long time manifesting and talking about with family. My husband doesn't see the problem and almost gets annoyed at me for being annoyed.

AIBU by getting upset? I haven't brought it up to anyone and I won't, I just need someone to vent to!

My cousin's daughter son has the exact name as my son. There's less than two months between them, it's not a popular name, think in top 500. We each chose the name for very different reasons. My son could also be regarded as a rainbow baby (personally I don't badge him this way). When I was told about cousin's daughter chosing the same name, my only thought was that's a coincidence.

In my family we have multiple people with the actual same name. My great uncle "john" his son "john" my dads is also called "john" and so is my brother!! Guess what my nephew is called...

Yabu and also AIBU isnt a safe space for anyone...watch the vipers 🤣

Sorry those names are not the same at all. I could understand it if one was officially named Albie and one was officially named Albert which could then be shortened to Albie then that would be weird but as others have pointed out these are quite popular names at the moment and not the same.

If you didn't want anyone to have the same name, you shouldn't have gone for a really, really common name for your son. In this case, it's not even the same name, just another really common name.

Your feelings are your feelings. What you feel isn’t ’wrong’ but how you act because of them could be.

you’ve been through a lot and of course your boy is the most precious and unique baby to you, but it honestly wouldn’t occur to most people that Alfie and Albie are that similar, both are shortened versions of formal names. These children only share great grandparents, they’re quite distantly related. Another baby on a far away branch of a family tree who has a name starting with the same letter and two syllables, takes nothing from your baby or what you went through to have him, he isn’t less special because of it.

I’d send congratulations and try to move on, getting fixated on this will make you so unhappy especially if you aren’t able to have your feelings understood by your DH, friends and family.

@DazedAndConfuseddd How exactly do you manifest a name?

My two little granddaughters have very similar names and they love it. They have a two year age gap and the similar names make them feel they have a special relationship more like sisters.

Embrace it and make the boys feel like they have a special bond 💐

You don't really have any grounds for complaint when you ask if you're being unreasonable and are told that you are.

I would have said you are AIBU even if she had named her son Alfie. You don’t have a copyright on it. Her son she can name him whatever she wants without consulting you.

Can you reframe it as being cute for cousins? They're probably going to be close growing up. Perhaps she thought of it in this way.

Gently OP, a safe space isn’t somewhere everyone has to agree with you.

They’re different names.

Dazedandconfuseddd I hear what you are saying .It's better here than in RL! However the names are very similar and you would feel happier if your nephew was called Robbie or Teddy or similar ,I get that .Names come in circles though.Maybe she liked your Alfie and wanted that originally but decided on Albie instead. Either way ,you can never have a patent on a name sadly.Try and enjoy your LO .As a miracle baby hes very special and precious. As they grow you wont think about their names as such .It will be lovely for them to have a cousin to play with ,and there is such a nice age gap too.

Grow up!!

Exactly!

You asked for an opinion and now you don’t like the majority of the responses. You’re being VU on both counts.

Can you manifest a grip?

You manifested a name? How long did it take? Wouldn't your time have been better spent manifesting a lottery win?

If 'manifesting' was even a thing - which it isn't.

Reading between the lines you have had a hard time of it , and of course, clearly you are still grieving the death of Alfie’s sibling, which I am sure everyone on the board understands and commiserates with, your love and sadness will be forever, we know that and I send you strength.

I wonder if the birth of a new baby in the family has brought sad feelings to the forefront, emotions you thought were healing a bit have opened up again, and maybe your feelings about Albie’s name is the expression of this. I think you need to try to be a bit kinder to yourself and recognise that you will always be grieving for your lost child but that does not mean that you can’t allow yourself to show love for other children because loving another child does not lessen the love and sadness you feel for Alfie’s sibling, you know this because you love Alfie so much. You chose Alfie’s name for reasons that are special to you, and that is fine, but those reasons aren’t going to be changed or diminished because he now has a cousin called Albie.

Albie and Alfie are going to grow up together, the two years difference will lessen as time passes and their lives will be enmeshed. A cousin relationship can be very special, in some ways their names having a similarity will probably be something they enjoy, children like explaining things about their names “I am Alfie and he is Albie, our names are different but a bit the same.”

For context, Alfie is a rainbow baby who has his own serious health conditions. He was a miracle baby

Op where as I completely understand your point here with context I feel like this is context for you to confirm why you are upset and not context for any wrong doing on their part. I really dont think anyone sits their picking a name for their child with any intent to hurt another parent. I think that the names are different and there is no connection in their choice to your circumstances or your baby.

You sound like you are going though some internal emotional problems. It seems everyone is thinking you are being unreasonable, so I would try and understand why this bothers you so much.

Albie and Alfie are different names. And I would see no problem with it at all. In fact, I think it is kind of sweet.

I'm sorry for your previous loss, I also have a rainbow baby who is the sister of my twins , one stillborn and my other who died in the NICU at 3 days old, when we had our daughter she was our world after terrible loss, it does change how you feel. , my rainbow has a very similar name to a relative. I think the pain of your struggles is clouding your judgement.

Those two names are completely different. They really are. I dont think they had to consult you about that. I hope you can find peace with that.

This! ⬆️

I asked that too, as genuinely want to understand what that means!
I've heard of the word manifesting before, isn't that where you think of something hard enough and wish it, and it comes true?
If so I'm not sure how that applies in this context of choosing a name - surely you just choose a name you like and that's then what they're called?

I have 3 cousins with the same first name (middle names differ). All have the same surname. So what?

Manifesting is bonkers and rubbish. It’s just a fancy word for “wish”. And most grown ups realise that believing in wishes is something only children do. And grow out of.