AIBU? Cousin named baby extremely similar name to mine

[DazedAndConfuseddd]

My cousin (husband's cousin but I've been close with her for 13 years) recently had a baby boy and named him Albie. My 2 year old son is called Alfie. Feeling very uncomfortable with how similar their names are. They could have chosen from thousands and I just don't understand how someone wouldn't consider that or my feelings.

We are very close and they will be growing up around each other. She didn't even give me a heads up or check if I had an issue beforehand. I feel pissed off and upset.

For context, Alfie is a rainbow baby who has his own serious health conditions. He was a miracle baby and his name was something we spent a long time manifesting and talking about with family. My husband doesn't see the problem and almost gets annoyed at me for being annoyed.

AIBU by getting upset? I haven't brought it up to anyone and I won't, I just need someone to vent to!

yabvu - this is one to shake off OP.

They are different names. Sorry you are being totally ridiculous and the fact you manifested the name and child has nothing to do with this?

She did not need to speak with you beforehand at all?!

You’re being precious

You're getting a hard time here OP but hopefully it is kind of helpful! Life's too short. Move on and enjoy your baby.

I’m going to assume you have some anxiety around your DS because of his health situation and your prior loss and it’s understandable in light of that to have feelings heightened. That said, you need to understand that your feelings aren’t rational on this. Feel how you feel but you are being objectively ridiculous since they aren’t even the same name. If this is a symptom of a bigger anxiety situation it might be worth talking to someone about it as this is a strange reaction to have.

What did you expect posters to say @DazedAndConfuseddd

It’s very common for cousins to have the same name, and these are second cousins and not the same name. I think they sound cute together

AIBU is a bit robust another board would be more gentle.
You have obviously been through a lot for your DS, which is presumably why you are feeling sensitive around this.
However, it is a different name, and there is an age gap, and both the names are popular right now, so I also don't think she has done anything wrong as such.
Be kind to yourself, enjoy your son.

It’s not the same name. You are being totally ridiculous, sorry.

OP posters are giving you a reality check. You did ask, and asked on aibu! So if people think it's unreasonable they will tell you. This baby's name takes away nothing from your boy. Don't give it another thought.

You're being precious.

It's a different name. It's not an unusual name. It's an on trend name.

This sounds like this is about you own unresolved issues around your son's birth and health problems. Look at that rather than getting upset at your husbands cousin.

Ridiculous, honestly, mumsnet boggles my mind sometimes

I understand you feeling a little bit precious/ protective but yabu. They are different names and everyone has the right to choose a name they love for their baby. You know when you decided on Alfie and it just felt perfect and you felt so excited to call your boy that? That’s how she’ll feel about Albie.

My DDs name sounds very similar to her cousin (11 years older) but is spelt quite differently. We chose it because we really liked the name and didnt register how similar it sounded to her cousin, at the time. There is often mixing up of names at family events but hopefully BIL or cousin aren't annoyed about it (they've never vocalised it ....and BIL is pretty outspoken so I think he would have, if he did have issue)

You are being completely ridiculous. Even if they had chosen the same name, which they haven’t, so what?!

My cousin called her son the same name as DS2. I didn’t give a toss. The only thing it did was cause issues for my Gran so there was a big X and a little X. It’s just a name which no one owns.

YANBU.
You’re allowed to feel upset, and she’s allowed to choose a name she loves. The discomfort might fade once the boys grow into themselves. Cousins often end up with nicknames or slightly different pronunciations that naturally separate them.

Get a grip on yourself !

I have two first cousins with exactly the same name. Another two have derivations of the same name.

Several of our generation of cousins have that name as a middle name

(Irish Catholics were not that creative on names)

Everyone has managed to be identified suitably at family events.

Names like Albie, Alfie, Archie etc are popular. You both just chose similar popular names. My son has a second cousin with the same name as him. It's no big deal.

My DS and another family member have very similar names and I often catch myself using the wrong one, hopefully you won't do the same. Either way I wouldn't bother about it because there will be more kids in school with the same names as your family members, you just have to get used to it. You have picked a very common name for your DS, as did your DH's cousin, so it will happen a lot. You'll get used to it in time I'm sure.

The key thing is to try not to see malicious intent in the things people do. Your cousin will have thought she was giving her baby a nice name and no more, she won't have meant to upset you. So don't waste your emotions on an inappropriate response, you'll be happier if you don't.

Yes YABU.

I'm sorry, but you're being unreasonable. And your child being a rainbow baby doesn't make you more entitled to the exclusive ownership of his name/group of names than anyone else.

Definitely YABU.

It isn't the same name.

Alfie isn't remotely unusual or unique.

Your relationships with family members are super precious and should not be risked over something like this.

The cousin has done nothing wrong and should not be expected to ask your permission or check in with you before making decisions about her baby.

Sorry I don’t think they are even that similar and what difference does it make? Just be grateful that you have a healthy child each and that your son has a cousin he can grow up with.

By the way a safe space isn’t an echo chamber- it can be one where people feel safe telling you that you’re wrong too.

I'd be surprised if he gets through school without being in a class with another Alfie or Albie at some point. So he will likely be around someone with the same name every day, which presumably he isn't with you cousin's DS. They seem to both be popular names at the moment.