To LOATHE and DETEST being in charge of family dinner time?

[Mrsjohnsmith]

I actually like cooking, but cooking for my family is so much hard work that I’ve grown to despise it.

The kids (8 & 10) are fussy, especially the 8 yo. Husband and I like a broad range of stuff and I like to cook healthily from scratch, we don’t have takeaways or ready meals.

Planning a week’s worth of meals is absolute hell - trying to fit everything around the kids’ after school activities, trying to find stuff they will actually eat and that we also want to eat, and is relatively healthy is nigh on impossible.

They don’t like anything that I could make in the slow cooker. So nights when we have swimming/cubs etc are a mad rush. DH tries to come up with helpful suggestions which I appreciate, but I sound so argumentative and I constantly have to say “but he won’t eat BBQ sauce” or “no, she won’t have casserole”. He works late so can’t do the actual cooking, as we’d be eating at about 10pm!

Sometimes I just cook standard family stuff that I ask them to try a bite of, and then they can get themselves some fruit.

To do all the planning, shopping, cooking, and then have them try one bite and reject it is driving me absolutely insane. It’s utterly thankless - what do you all do to stay sane?! Any parents of fussy eaters out there with any advice?

Our stance is that you have to TRY it, and then have some fruit if you don’t want it, but the constant rejection of my food is driving me up the wall! I’m not cooking vindaloo here, just ordinary things like beef casserole or chicken fried rice.

They’d be happy with fish fingers and all day breakfast every night, but I don’t want to eat that kind of thing all the time!

Same menu on repeat

i Can’t stand the thought of tuna pasta or pasta pesto because we had both every week for decades

it’s a joy when you can get to a two week menu

You said the children won't eat food from the slow cooker do you mean they don't like stew / casserole? Rethink the sc, you can do baked potatoes in a slow cooker or a whole joint of meat / a chicken.

The children are old enough to get involved, make a plan for the week and allow each of them to pick a day and a meal they want, but they have to help with cooking it.

Have things on the table they can / will eat.

So a chicken (done in the slow cooker or bought from the rotisserie section of a supermarket) put on the table with bread rolls, salad, cheese, fruit, veg batons with a dip or humus.

A tray bake can make a similar meal.

An 8 and 10 year old should be able to make beans on toast for everyone. And / or cheese on toast.

They could also make pitta pizza, get a pitta bread, add a mix of passata and tomato paste then add toppings of choice and bake for about 10 - 15 mins.

wouldn't bother with the "one bite" stuff, just have the casserole along with safe foods (bread? mash? chips? peas? sweetcorn?) and if all they eat is mash and peas followed by fruit, don't stress too much. Something I have learned recently is that apparently the biggest change for children with restricted eating comes with peer groups in adolescence.

Agree with this
Also you are embedding the x doesnt like y
Stop saying that.

Cook what you like and have bread/ rolls/ butter and some cheese/ ham etc on the table
Serve and eat , zero comments

liveforsummer says:

"Mine are far from fussy but wouldn’t eat a casserole either."

A casserole is just a kind of stew, done in the oven in a casserole dish. There are countless different kinds of casserole.

So it's like saying, "Mine are from fussy but wouldn't eat meat and vegetables either".

When we were in the throes of this one, I just kept elements as separate as possible on the table, & made sure there was always protein, carb, veg.

So if dinner was chilli, I’d serve it on the table in the pan with leftover chicken, cubes of cheese, rice, & salad alongside on different serving trays.

If it was beef casserole - sausages, mash, steamed veg (I had a 2 layer steamer so I could keep carrots & broccoli, say, from coming into direct contact).

If it was curry, then a mild daal, rice, naan, salad. & so on.

Obviously one of the easiest things was burgers or fajitas where you are supposed to assemble it yourself - I’d cook different sorts of burgers/protein depending on preference.

It took a while, & involved a) a lot of fridge & freezer leftover jenga & b) me & the least fussy dc eating a lot of slightly odd packed lunches made up of whatever hadn’t been eaten the previous night at dinner…but frankly, it avoided a battle every night & I ended up with three non fussy dcs by their teens.

The one rule I did stick to was that I cooked what I fancied - there would always be something else on the table everyone could eat, but if I was in the mood to make a fiery curry or cook a whole fish, I jolly well did…which I think saved me from the worst of the meal planning fatigue.

Yes OP so over it. It’s just the relentlessness of it. And then cleaning the bloody kitchen ready for the same again tomorrow!

I’m actually really lucky in that my DC (also 10 and 8) aren’t too fussy. Eldest used to be, but seems to have grown out of it thank god! Youngest has become more fussy than she was, but I’m hopeful she’ll grow out of it too. We do eat fairly boring meals on repeat, but I don’t have enough mental power to think up new meals and then have them rejected so I stick to what I know will be eaten. I swear it’s the thinking rather than the doing that is the most draining.

We had many years of modified meals. So DS wouldn’t eat mixed up food so I’d do the plain pasta separate and then the bolognaise on the side for example so at least he’d eat something! Real fish for me and DH and fish fingers for the kids, but the same sides etc. Gradually they’ve moved to eating food mixed together which really helps a lot, but if it’s something new (rare) then I’ll still serve it separate so that they’ll at least eat the components and I make sure it’s not a completely new combo so the rice/pasta/potatoes etc is all well liked and the protein has changed. Or the other way round!

Some nights I give them freezer tea. Either for my sanity or because of various clubs etc. DH and I take the opportunity to have something nicer later on.

I used to precook on Sunday what I wanted for the week. They had to help. Then I made a large pan of pasta that was option B. They could have it plain or with butter. And that lasted everyone till Thursday. No discussion no options.
I struggle to understand why British mothers make this such a nightmare.
By 10 everyone was cooking once a week and had to make a decision on what that would be and what they’d need doing the shopping. Everyone did the shopping to. And at lightening speed.

Time for some new rules.

Bread also contains sugars (CHO) FYI. As long as the fruit is unbaked (so that the sugars are intrinsic) it shouldn’t be seen as negative ‘high sugar’ food for most people.

We did the seperate dishes help yourself on table often multiple options ie baked potatoe and rice - even when down packet rice/pasta/cucous as one option for some meals. That helped get everyone fed - and a DH and teen boy who hoover up left over later also helped.

It works but I still don't love cooking like I used to despite kids getting older and increasingly being able to do a few meals themsleves - even older two leaving home and cooking themsleves not really helped as much as I expected- cooking now in chore category.

We did get an air fryer recently and oddly that's helped a bit.

I find that cooking now is a lot ‘fussier’ than it used to be with more ingredients yet lesser nutritional content.

What if you stripped it back to meat, potatoes, veg? Would they eat that? So roast chicken, baby potatoes with butter, and peas/greens?

How would a roast chicken that takes 90minutes be any good when she’s struggling for time?

There a chicken slow cooker recipy that surpsingly everyone likes - next day also get a meal from gravy made from liquid and left over chicken with chips and some frozen veg.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/slow-cooker-roast-chicken

If we're busy Sunday and Monday often works well - put on 5 - 5 half hour earlier and just leave.

I'm quite lucky as my son has been cooking his own meals for a few years now (I'm veggie, he's not) and often for myself I cook fried eggs and spinach for breakfast and then just have a yogurt for dinner. So I've none of that hassle. Of course I still cook for him here and there and he appreciates it

Chicken kebabs in air fryer - quite a few recipies out there -with and salad or roasted veg with pita bread - recently discovered quick meal.

DH also been picking up some pre done chicken sometime breaded or flavoured for air fryer - that's also very quick.

I quite like - mircowaved baking poatatoes then finished in air fryer - much quicker way of doing them.

Timing wise air fryer does make things quicker to get a meal on the table. So if it's a time issue - I'd pick up a cheap one see if it's something that helps and then get a bigger one if it is - that's how we did it though catalyis was electric oven going out for a few days.

I just fed my children earlier with food that I new they would eat . Family meals at weekends.
Watching my daughter dealing with the stress of 'family meals' during the week is just awful for everyone concerned.
Kids tired and hungry...witching hour after about 430pm is definitely a thing.

The big thing is don’t make it a battle field. As long as they are eating it’s fine. Do staples and add bits of new stuff, don’t make comments if they don’t like or want something, when it’s a battle field they will dig their heels in. Give it no attention, no comments in front of them, act like it is irrelevant.

Make a list of everything they will eat.
Make a list of meals they both will eat.
If they eat pasta with tomato sauce, batch cook it with loads of veg and puree. Freeze and have that teice a week.
Serve with fried fresh chicken pieces.

I always gave my children a fruit smoothie every day.
I also gave them a good multi vitamin.
I gave a fruit salad for pudding.

I wasted so much time being stressed and then I let it go.
They eat everything now.
Fish fingers aren't the worst thing, its them eating fish in a positive way.
Mine eat fish all the time now.
They started out with fish fingers at 18 months.

One easy meal was homemade cream of vegetable soup with boiled eggs and soldiers, they loved it.
It doesn't always have to be a real dinner.

It does sound horribly stressful - I really feel for you OP.

Do you know what the fussy eating is about - do you think it is a control thing, or that they have issues around food, or sensory issues? Or just their normal personalities - they don't like trying new things?

(I ask because I was very lucky - my daughter was never a remotely fussy eater, and I promise I didn't do anything special in the way I fed her as a child- so I don't really know what is "normal" in this regard).

There's little to be gained by compelling then to try things they don't want to eat - I doubt anyone overcomes fussy eating this way (though I guess I could be wrong). It would seem to me to make more sense to try to address it at its root cause - can the children explain what it is about new foods that they find so off-putting? Is there a way that they could feel better about it - CBT strategies may help! But tackle the root cause, not the symptoms. Extreme fussy eating is surely a symptom of something.....

In the meantime, I would just serve stuff you know they will eat. Even if they have sandwiches and crudities every night..... As long as they are having all the food groups in the correct amounts, including plenty of veg, I wouldn't worry too much at the moment.

And good luck!

Meal planning definitely my least favourite job, when my DC leave home I will just eat crisp sandwiches for the rest of my life.

I just can't be bothered I'll just eat buttered pasta, buttered rice, yogurts, babybells, toast and cheese. I'm more of a snacker to be honest. Probably gonna pay for it with my health at some point.... But it gives me peace.

Luckily my son is almost 18 and has for the most part been cooking his own meals for a couple years now (he's not veggie, I am, he doesn't like my lentils and stuff) (I did cook healthy meals for us both when he was younger)