To LOATHE and DETEST being in charge of family dinner time?

[Mrsjohnsmith]

I actually like cooking, but cooking for my family is so much hard work that I’ve grown to despise it.

The kids (8 & 10) are fussy, especially the 8 yo. Husband and I like a broad range of stuff and I like to cook healthily from scratch, we don’t have takeaways or ready meals.

Planning a week’s worth of meals is absolute hell - trying to fit everything around the kids’ after school activities, trying to find stuff they will actually eat and that we also want to eat, and is relatively healthy is nigh on impossible.

They don’t like anything that I could make in the slow cooker. So nights when we have swimming/cubs etc are a mad rush. DH tries to come up with helpful suggestions which I appreciate, but I sound so argumentative and I constantly have to say “but he won’t eat BBQ sauce” or “no, she won’t have casserole”. He works late so can’t do the actual cooking, as we’d be eating at about 10pm!

Sometimes I just cook standard family stuff that I ask them to try a bite of, and then they can get themselves some fruit.

To do all the planning, shopping, cooking, and then have them try one bite and reject it is driving me absolutely insane. It’s utterly thankless - what do you all do to stay sane?! Any parents of fussy eaters out there with any advice?

Our stance is that you have to TRY it, and then have some fruit if you don’t want it, but the constant rejection of my food is driving me up the wall! I’m not cooking vindaloo here, just ordinary things like beef casserole or chicken fried rice.

They’d be happy with fish fingers and all day breakfast every night, but I don’t want to eat that kind of thing all the time!

This may sound harsh but I think you are causing your own pain.

Kids not liking certain food is normal... But the quickest way to turn a few dislikes into a long list and a fussy child is to start to overly pander and start changing all your meals based on their preferences.

I understand that it comes from a place of kindness. You want to give your kids food they will like, and you want them to be well fed and cared for. But all it does is cement those dislikes in their mind, and normalize the idea that food must always revolve around them and their whims.

Unless there is other issues at hand (autism, afrid, eating disorders etc.) just cook what you want to cook, from day one, and let that be their norm. If you want to be nice and kid let them choose something they like to add to the weekly dinners, rather than letting them dictate what is taken away.

This may seem unreasonable to parents in the uk, but it works for most other countries including the one I live in.. and I would ask any UK poster to question whether the general consensus of how to correctly approach fussiness in UK parenting might possibly be wrong, considering British children have statistically a more restricted and less nutritional diet than many comparable (and even many poorer)nations.

Not unreasonable at all. You cook it, they eat it. And it is not “the general consensus” in the UK that children dictate what they eat.

Crikey - only 3 of us here but I do the main shopping & cooking for the family. Know everyone’s preferences etc but it depends what I can get on offer, or reduced- also towards payday it really can be a mix & match but I was brought up by a single parent so very much used to making meals out of what you can!
if I ever do make anything different, it’s a nan bread instead of rice for one, a jacket potato with whatever for the other - I won’t go out of my way to cook different meals though, we all have to adapt.

It is monotonous so we use recipe boxes a fair bit because then you don’t have to plan or shop & worry about waste. We have got some regular meal favourites from them as well.

Takeaway/eating out once a week - again saves the thinking. I do school dinners so I don’t need to faff about with lunch boxes.

One of mine is fussy, can love something one day & hate it the next. But the rule is don’t eat some of it then no pudding which is enough motivation.

What doesn’t work for me is batch cooking, cooking different meals for different people & a lack of variety. I also don’t like slow cooker food.

I always have some frozen stuff eg pizza, chips, fish fingsrs so if I’m exhausted/short of time I can chuck some of that on.

I just focus on a carb, protein and veg and go from there, and sprinkle cheese. I used pre made meals that are nutritional dense, it’s spenny but she’ll eat hidden carrots etc, otherwise we’re just wasting food

Agree with you OP. Loathe and detest it. i am mid 40s, trying to eat healthily and low carb and avoid UPF. DH is 6’5 and wants/needs a decent size evening meal. One of my DC is fussy and the other is allergic to dairy, eggs, peas, lentils, sesame and nuts. The sweet spot of a family meal we all can and want to eat is basically non-existent.

I think at 8&10 they are old enough to sit down and have a talk with about how difficult this is becoming. Include them in a talk about finding a solution, also discussing that we can’t always have our favourite food and rejecting food on one bite is not feasible ( you need to try something 5/6 times to allow taste buds to adjust)

so include them in a proactive chat about moving forward, then include them in choosing a meal and helping cook at the weekends, centering firstly on what they like and their choices

Alternatively batch cook everything and individually portion out, that way you can cook once and all eat different food at the same time

Granted my kids are younger, but to stop putting stress on myself I often make something adaptable - pasta but with cheese, veg and ham or chicken nuggets for the kids, pasta bake for me and DH.

on days when we have activities after school, soup and a cheese Toastie or cheese scone is an easy, filling go to. Or, firm favourite in our house is a picnic! Sandwiches, chopped fruit and veg, cheese, crackers/crisps/pretzels and mini cookies/jammie dodgers/other biscuits. Can be prepped the night before or quickly thrown together.

this pressure to make everything from scratch, never use takeaways or convenience foods seems unnecessary. Even back when I was young (90s kid) my DM would have something convenient like nuggets or fish fingers, but then whatever it was with would be homemade and fresh. It’s about balance

Children don't die from missing a meal!

Edited - replied to wrong thread so reply made no sense 😂

I wouldn't put up with it at all. If they were my kids it would be: "Eat what you're given or get out."

Which is exactly what happened with my fussy-eating eight-year-old. He chose to "get out" rather than tuck into a nice roast with all the trimmings, so I packed his bags and pushed him out the door.

That was 25 years ago, haven't seen him since.

That's all well and good until you have a child who's underweight and iron deficient because they'd rather not eat than have foods they don't like. OP, my 5yo hates cooked vegetables so he won't touch any one-pan type dishes. My strategy with him is to cook one of his preferred meals every other night, then offer leftovers of that alongside whatever we're having the following day. Or if I'm making pasta, for example, I offer it with plain butter or creme fraiche alongside the more interesting sauce we're having. It's no extra effort and sometimes he asks to try the more exciting version.

Maybe not one meal, but if they're consistently undereating they can develop health problems and it can affect their growth.

One of the funniest sketches that totally nails the dinner dilemma https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qblIqFLR1mI

Mine is autistic and won’t eat anything not on her short approved list. I make up some of her meals on the weekend (bolognese, tomato sauce, curry) and freeze them and I cook 2 dinners each night. We tried all eating the same but I just couldn’t do it.

I feel your pain here.my DC are older,but I still remember the battles! DD was always a fussy eater.DS would eat anything. She liked about 5 maeals! Spag bol.ham..roast chicken and fish. I think pizza or fish fingers on a couple of nights is OK.Also Spag bol is usually welcome.Roasts maybe.Are School lunches an option. Just for a couple of days.

😆😁😄

As a child, I was super sensitive to strong flavours and, as a result, was quite fussy. Mealtimes were often a miserable experience as it was very much 'eat or go hungry' in our house, and it has really damaged my long term relationship with food.

As a result, I am much more accommodating of legitimate issues of taste with my children and basically cook two dinners most nights.

The kids are perfectly happy with a fairly repetitive menu of foods they like and will eat the same veg most nights, so I just lean in to their routine and make our dinners more interesting.

Thats not a solution to the issue. Sitting down as a family and eating food you all enjoy, spending time together and chatting is surely the main aim of the event. Not having a fuss as one person isn't eating.

Yes, and the advice from professionals is don't make it a big stress, mealtimes shouldn't be a battle, provide things they will eat etc etc.

Someone referred to picnics earlier. My DC's preferences could be described as "kids' party food" for ages!

Whatever issues there may be with food in the UK, family dinner after Scouts probably ain't the time for social change!

Mine are far from fussy but wouldn’t eat a casserole either. Week night meals are similar to others above - a pasta dish with garlic bread and salad, jacket potatoes with a range of filling options, fajitas/tacos. Can cook some goujons for dc to put in alongside the proper fillings for you adding no extra time, basic roast (meat, mash, veg, yorkie and gravy), soup with crusty bread and cheese, omelette with sliced potatoes and salad or beans, curry - again easily adapted some can have rice, plain meat and some veg or salad veg without cooking an entire separate meal, burgers with a variety of toppings and salad sides in nice bread/rolls, quiche and baby potatoes, fish and chips.

Also you can make things like fish fingers in to a nice adult meal. We’d have them in panini or ciabatta with avocado, cheese and salad, mayo, maybe some sweet chilli and your dc could just have them plain. Easy adaptions rather than whole separate meals is the answer. Fruit for dinner or battles isn’t fun for anyone

I used to feel like this.

The final straw was when one child decided he wasn't eating meat any more. Now, I cook three separate meals, including one that I like, and it sounds like a pain in the arse, but it's actually a weight off. Its much easier to cook three things than to think of a meal everyone likes. And now that one is exactly what I want, I don't resent it anymore.

Weirdly, my fussy DC will eat casserole!

Children are so individual.