To be sad that DS has passed his driving test?

[MotoMum123]

He passed at the end of last week, and I’ve barely seen him since. We spent SO many hours together over the last few months so he could practice in his car, we have some lovely talks when it’s just the 2 of us. It’s half term here so he’s off with his mates and his girlfriend, driving around, parking up somewhere like you do when you’re 17 and have literally not a care in the world!

AIBU to feel like this is the beginning of the end? Before you know it he’ll have finished his A levels, gotten a job and be moving out!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so proud of him, and I remember what it was like to suddenly have this freedom, and a licence to go wherever you want, whenever you want. I don’t think my parents missed me this much, but maybe they did - I’ll have to ask them 😂

Also I’m now worried about him constantly. I have to stop myself tracking his location whenever he’s driving. I’m terrified he’s going to have an accident. I know he’s a very good driver, but also he’s just a normal kid, in a car with his mates, probably wanting to show off!! This might be the scariest parenting stage yet, and in a few years I’ll be doing it all over again with DS2!

My husband was soo sad when our daughter passed her test. He missed giving her lifts and having car chats. I was delighted as it was one less task for me to do.

I can understand this. I spend so much time in the car with DS2 that when he starts to drive himself I'm going to be bereft. I've already told him I'm still coming with him to his sport, he'll just have to drive me instead.

Aw I remember it well.

But on the other hand, it was also brilliant having someone to drop us off and pick us up from the pub/friends so we could go out for a few drinks.

I understand, it’s a fantastic achievement, so of course you’re pleased and proud of him, BUT I know as a mother, I would worry too. You’re not alone 💐

Oh @MotoMum123 yes.

For Covid related reasons it took DS2 ages to pass his test so we did so much driving (flip side was he was really experienced).

I used to love our car chats. And before he learned, chats on the way to all his sport practice and matches (and especially on the way back) aaaahhhhh yes I miss it so much.

I'm glad he’s at uni close by so I can watch his games, but it’s not the same. Wel done to your DS for passing tho!

Yes I think having a child driving without you is one of the scariest parts of parenting. My DD passed over a year ago and has clocked up many miles of driving since then on motorways and all sorts and I still check her tracker to see where she is and that she isn’t in a ditch somewhere.

And I still can’t sleep properly until she’s home - I spent an hour on Saturday night lying wide awake wondering about what she would do if her car broke down on the motorway 😩 She’s fine it’s me who’s hysterical 😂

Thank you for your kind messages, glad it’s not just me!

I wasn't sad when DS passed last year but it definitely felt like a new level of worry in the parenting life had unlocked.
Whenever he's staying out with friends I ask for a proof of life text. It doesnt need to be anything more than a full stop just so I know hes okay xx

I remember feeling like that when dd passed her test, I really liked helping her learn to drive and missed giving her lifts to places.

It’s bittersweet, she loves the independence but it’s another step away from me 😢

Has he got a black box OP?

Three of mine are young adults now and i found the worry of them driving safely was awful. The worry of them getting into someone else's car and being involved in a crash was worse though! So i was always glad when they passed.

We found having a black box for the first couple of years kept a lid on the speeding (and kept insurance costs down).

My daughter passed last week, no more practising in my car, I miss that. She'll have her own car when she's saved enough. I can totally relate. Another step of independence.

I felt the same, DS’ girlfriend lives 20 minutes away and we used to have the best chats on the way to and from there. He is also diabetic so I have to put a lot of trust in him to be diligent checking his levels before setting out in the car. New worry unlocked for sure!

My DS is learning. He is a good driver and often his practice sessions are him driving us to places we need to go. He also did a lot of the driving on holiday last year, which was a novelty for DH.

I too will miss the time we spend together when he passes, and I will worry when he drives off to his night shift in the dark.

But that will be a way off yet because although his actual driving is good, he can't pass the theory. He has failed it about 8 times, only by a small percentage each time.

So I have a few more months of sitting with him and enjoying his company.

It is scary when they head out in the car themselves. We were very lucky ds saw his car as a hard earned privilege and he didn’t want to lose the freedom it gave him to get from A to B by messing around in it. Not long after he passed he got a delivery driver job with domino pizza which racked up the mileage and experience.

Having heard what his classmates who drove around / parked up with other cars full of other young people were getting up to (racing, messing about in cars around the one way system or runs around the back roads) I don’t blame you for being worried.

I couldn’t sleep until he was home the first few months.

No black box - I’ve heard really mixed reports on them, and he does occasionally work quite late, plus me and DH may need to use the car of an evening which would both breach the curfews on them. Insurance wasn’t actually that bad - £140 pm third party / £170 fully comp.

Of course YANBU

it's time to concentrate on yourself and getting your life completely back, because he's moving forward.

That's what we wish for, for them, but it doesn't make it any easier. The time with them goes way too fast.

I get it, my eldest passed his test this time 2 years ago. It was yet another milestone on the road to their becoming independent and not needing us as much any more. The novelty of driving to Asda at 10 o’clock at night etc did wear off after a while 😂

I agree that it’s scary, I was terrified when my two first passed their tests and I’m still nervous when DS drives at night as he’s only had his license for a few months.

But, it’s an achievement and gives them more independence. Well done to your DS!
We parents have the joy of paying their insurance. 😂

Oh I’ll be like this YANBU

It’s such a worry when they pass.
Our oldest son had just started uni when he passed and didn’t have a car for a year or two afterwards but our younger son already had a car whilst learning.

When he passed he was in the house for all of 12 minutes while we changed his insurance on it from learner to qualified driver before he disappeared off out and didn’t come back for five hours. He’d decided to try out driving on the M6 for one thing, so glad he told us afterwards and not before.

Shortly after that he was driving to Cornwall every other weekend (we’re in the Midlands) to see his girlfriend who was at university there. That was a huge worry as he’d drive down after work on a Friday evening and would stay until Sunday, usually starting his journey home at 8pm.

Oh that must have been so worrying for you!!

Thankfully there are no long distances planned… yet! I’m sure he’ll find an excuse soon!

@MotoMum123 it was that low with a new driver? Aged under 21. I’m amazed.

We have lots of boy racers around here and some are unsafe to say the least. Doing doughnuts and using the local bypsss as a race track. Make sure he’s not doing that! Young men are often good drivers but also reckless. Then there’s their passengers. It’s not that they are going out, it’s what they are doing when they are out!

I know exactly how you feel, it's nerve wracking.

normal kid, in a car with his mates, probably wanting to show off!!
Please consider asking him not to take passengers for at least a few months.
There's a big campaign for a graduated driving license where new drivers won't be allowed to take passengers of their own age - so it's fine for an adult to take their children but not for 17 year olds to take mates.
When mine past their tests I asked them not to give lifts until they had been driving a few months, equally no taking lifts with friends. However good a driver they are it's at best a distraction.

She needs to be giving you lifts now!

My 17yo ds just passed last week too! He hasn't driven since - partly because we've been away over half term, but also he's not actually that keen! He knows it will be useful, but he's not fussed at the moment. He will be off to uni this autumn, so will go long stretches without driving, but it will be really useful wheh he (hopefully!) gets a holiday job. I'll be really worried when he starts driving around on his own 😬