Help! Am I a weirdo at work?

[sunisinthesky4]

Hey,

just looking for someone outside the situation to tell me if I’m being soft or not.

basically I’ve had some issues at work recently. Our manager is the type who encourages banter and jokes, and encourages collegues to be like that too. It ranges from cheesy dad jokes, to just plain unfunny stuff, and sometimes stuff which in my opinion is inappropriate. It’s sort of caused an environment where people just say whatever they want, because he tries so hard to be everyone’s friend so nobody gets into trouble.

the thing is, I don’t find the jokes funny. I’ll sometimes pretend laugh or play along if it’s things like dad jokes and it’s harmless, but it’s so draining when I’m trying do work and he’s bouncing about like a Labrador puppy trying to get attention.

the other issue is sometimes the jokes are frankly inappropriate. Recently it was that one of the guys in our work was in the Epstein files. And then they had chat GPT’d a picture of him hugging Epstein on the island.

I just don’t find it funny. I understand some people have different senses of humour, and I don’t want to be chronically offended by everything, but with the nature of the Epstein island crimes I just don’t find it funny at all. I didn’t laugh, I just walked off. But now everyone thinks I’m a spoilsport/no fun/antisocial. That’s a small example but there’s been similar jokes I consider inappropriate (sexual, racial etc) and I don’t take part but I’ve sort of isolated myself now.

recently there’s been some racism too. I have friends of all different races/religions etc and I cannot stand any type of racism. It used to just be propalestine stuff which is fine because everyone is entitled to their political opinion, but recently there’s been comments which are not anti Israel but instead just anti Jewish. So for example, I had pinched a pen from a different room because someone else pinched mine, and I sort of lightheartedly joked about ‘I’ll just steal this for 2 minutes!’ to which one of the guys turned round and said ‘I always knew you were such a fucking Jew’ I was confused at first, I’ve had jokes at me before because I have an obviously jewish name (I’m not Jewish however) so when I said what are you talking about he turned round and said ‘stealing stuff that’s not yours, typical fucking Jew behaviour’ he was joking but also serious. I was absolutely shocked and more so at the fact it was said openly in front of others who just laughed. Other comments have been similar. There’s also been racist jokes about other races but mostly anti Jewish comments tbh.

I dont know anyone Jewish but I cannot stand racism of any type towards any race or religion. But it just gets laughed at and encouraged as if it’s acceptable. I’ve stood my ground and said it’s an awful thing to say, but then everyone just thinks I’m a spoilsport/boring/killjoy.

the thing is, I don’t want to fit in if it means going along with banter like that. But this is my first graduate job and while I know their jokes are inappropriate part of me is scared I’m just a killjoy and boring. This isn’t normal workplace behaviour is it? I’m trying to leave asap, but I’m just so fed up of it all I’m sort of losing perspective and worried im just being a killjoy?

Is there anyone above him you can complain to? I would. I would also not even grace him with a fake laugh. I'd just sit straight faced & raise my eyebrows and get on with my work.
I'd definitely be taking it further. Get screenshots etc if in a group chat. He sounds like an insufferable juvenile twit and not professional in the slightest.

I have no advice, but following with interest because someone close to me works in a very similar environment and hates that aspect of it.

That is fucking horrible and no, you shouldn't have to put up with that.

It's not banter. People think they are being edgy but it's not funny or cool, just inappropriate.

Can you go to HR and move teams? Call ACAS, document everything, get proof if you can while you think about next steps.

My work place is far from formal or PC, some people say shit they shouldn't, but it's very far from this.

Call ACAS first and be aware that HR may just protect the company, especially as the instigator is a manager.

Sorry you're going through this. X

What everyone else says - it's not acceptable and in most places is gross misconduct and sackable. It's breaking the Equality Act.

• Write down the timeline of things which have happened and update it as needed.
• Join a union. They may not help with existing cases, but they're a good source of advice on employment law etc.
• Review the company's code of conduct and grievance processes.
• Speak to HR
• Update your CV so you're ready if you need to leave

The people making these "jokes" verbal attacks should be disciplined/sacked. The whole company needs training on the Equality Act, by the sound of it.

I'd be reporting to Hr and looking for a new job.

I don’t think you’re a weirdo at all, I think it’s sounds grim and maybe others feel the same but politely laugh along too? I’d try and get out of there and/or report to HR. It’s only a matter of time before someone is really upset by the “jokes” or it tips into active bullying (if it hasn’t already).

sounds like David Brent is your boss

Go to HR

Is he David Brent?

The problem with "banter" is even if it starts off on a relatively inoffensive level, over time people will push the boundaries until someone is offended.

So at some point it has to be stamped on, and the level of banter has to be reduced to that which the most easily offended are willing to tolerate (which these days is often not very high), and the level of course has to be adjusted when new people come onto the team.

Does that make the workplace a more miserable place than it used to be ?

Probably. But you don't go to work to watch a comedy act or have a good time.

A good manager doing their job always keeps this sort of stuff under control. Even if it means not being friends with the people that work under them. That's what they are paid for.

I was also going to say your boss reminds me of DB!

OMG this stuff - in my work, HR would be involved immediately. Horrific.

Dear god, no. This isn’t normal. Get out as soon as you can.

even witnessing inappropriate sexual/racist comments in the workplace is ... unlawful

Can you clarify this statement please?

So am I to understand that this guy thinks you're Jewish because you have a Jewish sounding name?

Even to someone non Jewish, this is an offensive and disgusting racist 'joke' but if he also thought you were one of the group that is the target of the slur, then that is also a personal attack. Imagine if you actually were Jewish!

Out of interest, what is the ethnic breakdown of the people who work there? Hard to believe they would all ethnically homogeneous in this day and age.

YANBU Look elsewhere for a job. It won’t change while he is the boss. Unless he’s not the top boss and you can report him.

Because making racist jokes in the workplace is illegal?
Both are disgusting but one is bad taste and callous and the other outright racism.

I actually had to look up David Brent because I didn’t know who he is!

just to answer a few questions- the Jewish comments were not really because I’m Jewish (I’m not and my colleagues know I’m not) but they wind me up and say I am because of my name. They know I’m not but they still say I am because to them being Jewish is an awful thing so they see it as an insult and funny banter to say I am. But equally, I know it’s not just banter and they genuinely mean it. There was a company email about Hanukkah once (just a generic happy Hanukkah- the same type of email we get for all major religious or cultural festivals) and a few of the guys were pretending to be sick and saying why do fucking Jewish people make it all about them, yuck it’s a Jewish email, etc etc. They said it in a sort of jokey way, but it was crystal clear what their thoughts on Jewish people were.

it probably wasn’t clear in my OP but the Jewish comments weren’t from my manager it was from collegues- but the environment my manager has created in there means people say whatever they want and it just gets laughed at. I don’t actually think my manager is specifically antisemitic as I’ve never heard him say anything, but he just loves the banter and will go along with whatever anyone says in order to have that banter atmosphere if that makes sense

there is a more senior manager who is great but he doesn’t like confrontation and it’s more of a ‘guys let’s all just make up and be friends’ atmosphere. I don’t think he quite realises how bad things have become in there in terms of unprofessional though.

it’s hard to say what industry without giving it away but it’s a large organisation I can guarantee everyone will have heard of. I can’t really say anymore but yeah I’m actively looking to leave because frankly it’s just unbearable

It being a large organisation is a good thing, there will be hr and also a whistleblowing policy.

As a recent graduate can you request a change in department?

The more senior manager needs to pull his finger out and fucking manage, not be a wet blanket.

Just leave. It sounds toxic

Why should the OP have to leave?
I was thinking this was some small back street firm which is why they were getting away with it! No company, especially a well known one, is going to want this sort of reputational damage. Do you not have mandatory training which covers company policies on discrimination etc?

OP the only course of action here is to report to HR. Hopefully your manager at least will get fired...they would at my place of work.

The other manager is ineffective. Very awkward for you as I get that you don’t want to cause a disciplinary but it’s not ok to let this carry on either. Maybe ask the banter manager for a meeting and express how uncomfortable it makes you and also how dangerous it is to be talking like that. Gauge his reaction and if nothing changes go higher.