Help! Am I a weirdo at work?

[sunisinthesky4]

Hey,

just looking for someone outside the situation to tell me if I’m being soft or not.

basically I’ve had some issues at work recently. Our manager is the type who encourages banter and jokes, and encourages collegues to be like that too. It ranges from cheesy dad jokes, to just plain unfunny stuff, and sometimes stuff which in my opinion is inappropriate. It’s sort of caused an environment where people just say whatever they want, because he tries so hard to be everyone’s friend so nobody gets into trouble.

the thing is, I don’t find the jokes funny. I’ll sometimes pretend laugh or play along if it’s things like dad jokes and it’s harmless, but it’s so draining when I’m trying do work and he’s bouncing about like a Labrador puppy trying to get attention.

the other issue is sometimes the jokes are frankly inappropriate. Recently it was that one of the guys in our work was in the Epstein files. And then they had chat GPT’d a picture of him hugging Epstein on the island.

I just don’t find it funny. I understand some people have different senses of humour, and I don’t want to be chronically offended by everything, but with the nature of the Epstein island crimes I just don’t find it funny at all. I didn’t laugh, I just walked off. But now everyone thinks I’m a spoilsport/no fun/antisocial. That’s a small example but there’s been similar jokes I consider inappropriate (sexual, racial etc) and I don’t take part but I’ve sort of isolated myself now.

recently there’s been some racism too. I have friends of all different races/religions etc and I cannot stand any type of racism. It used to just be propalestine stuff which is fine because everyone is entitled to their political opinion, but recently there’s been comments which are not anti Israel but instead just anti Jewish. So for example, I had pinched a pen from a different room because someone else pinched mine, and I sort of lightheartedly joked about ‘I’ll just steal this for 2 minutes!’ to which one of the guys turned round and said ‘I always knew you were such a fucking Jew’ I was confused at first, I’ve had jokes at me before because I have an obviously jewish name (I’m not Jewish however) so when I said what are you talking about he turned round and said ‘stealing stuff that’s not yours, typical fucking Jew behaviour’ he was joking but also serious. I was absolutely shocked and more so at the fact it was said openly in front of others who just laughed. Other comments have been similar. There’s also been racist jokes about other races but mostly anti Jewish comments tbh.

I dont know anyone Jewish but I cannot stand racism of any type towards any race or religion. But it just gets laughed at and encouraged as if it’s acceptable. I’ve stood my ground and said it’s an awful thing to say, but then everyone just thinks I’m a spoilsport/boring/killjoy.

the thing is, I don’t want to fit in if it means going along with banter like that. But this is my first graduate job and while I know their jokes are inappropriate part of me is scared I’m just a killjoy and boring. This isn’t normal workplace behaviour is it? I’m trying to leave asap, but I’m just so fed up of it all I’m sort of losing perspective and worried im just being a killjoy?

I'm not sure why people on this thread think the Epstein joke is not that bad....since when was pedophilia a lighthearted matter? Ask his victims what they think.

Anyway, I can't believe there are workplaces operating with this kind of culture in this day and age. What a bunch of immature dicks. If I were you, I would report, this needs to be stamped out.

At the start of all this I panicked that you were talking about my last manager. He was a great guy who encouraged the banter in the team BUT he encouraged us to take the piss out of HIM when he got donn my thing wrong, or did something daft. Not others. And none of his jokes, or ones by anyone in the team ever remotely got close to the line on racist/sexist/ageist etc. They were genuinely all stuff you’d be happy to have HR review.

What is happening in your team is so far from that it’s wrong. Banter is fine. Any sort of ism is not fine. Someone not finding a particular joke funny is fine. Anyone left feeling uncomfortable is not fine. You see the difference?

I appreciate as you are fairly new in the business as a graduate you don’t want to rock the boat - but I urge you to. HR need to know what sort of culture is being created and encouraged. Because it is not ok.

The manager I was talking about - if he thought someone wasn’t ok with anything said would message them and ask them if they were ok, did a comment go too far, etc. there was nothing bad ever said, but if someone had something going on at home or in the past that others weren’t aware of that might have made you react in a way they didn’t expect. He would always check in with individuals and would always tell someone if they said something that upset someone without telling them who was upset. Our team had a really high engagement score with him so it clearly worked. I imagine yours would be split with others who feel as you do and those who feel they can say whatever they like.

Good luck. If you don’t feel able to go to HR, look for another job and tell them as you are leaving the real reason you are going.

find a role in a company with a culture you are comfortable with. Don’t make a fuss, don’t stress about it, just move on.

Those so called ‘jokes’ are totally unacceptable and need to be reported to HR/ senior managers- whatever the process is in this workplace. Hard though it may be, they also need to be called out straight away at the time.

This is not what you should be experiencing and it isn’t normal. I actively look out for people in their first job. There is a big learning curve but also lots of things to understand about work place behaviour. If someone had said that to one of my grads, I’d be straight to HR and be providing support. You are somewhere thoroughly toxic.

You say you have a Jewish surname so it was an out and out personal attack calling you a fucking Jew.

This is not you being a weirdo at all. This is them being racist and being so embolden by ‘banter’ and it’s all a joke, that they don’t need to hide their disgusting comments. They have gone from vague nebulous comments to personal attacks.

Please report to HR, you shouldn’t have to put up with this nonsense and hostility. Any decent company will take this seriously. And if it’s not a decent company, then you can start looking for a job else where (which I know is easier said than done, but it can be done)

What the fuck am I reading? What industry are you in?

Completely and totally unacceptable, don't let this environment warp your instincts of right and wrong. As PP have said, you need a new job and ideally to report the hell out of your hideous boss and co-workers

Exactly this

Any reasonable person can see a clear distinction between acceptable jokes and inappropriate comments dressed up as jokes.

I think it’s strange how many people think that jokes about Jews are somehow worse than peadophile jokes and in some ways shows that we all have a different threshold for what’s acceptable/funny.

it’s all wrong in a work setting.

Cross posted but glad I’m not only one.

His behaviour would be a sackable offence in most professional workplaces and there is definitely a vile agenda behind the ‘banter’ mask. But the power dynamic means if you challenge him, it will be uncomfortable, stressful and you may become more of a target. I agree with the pp who said just keep your head down and quietly apply for other jobs in order to leave as soon as you can.

As other say, record every comment, date time and who said it. If you feel you cannot work on that environment then you may feel constructive dismissal and take legal action through acas and tribunal for this. This costs Them money and adverse publicity. If it is harming you in the workplace then as others say, speak to HR, and look at Whistleblowers policy.
Do not suffer in silence - discrimination is based on the victims perception. Eg if you are not a Jew but you get abused with anti Jewish comments then that is anti Jewish hate. Irregardless.

I’ve worked in many jokey environments where things have often gone ‘a bit far’ but the Jewish comment would have you out on your ear there and then in them all.

Join a union.

If this gobshite thinks you are Jewish and is abusing you / being racist to you because of that, then isn't that "perceived" discrimination? And isn't that workplace harassment / discrimination ? IANAL, is there anyone who knows? I wonder how funny he'd find getting his company sued and facing an employment tribunal?

That is shocking OP. It sounds like he wants to be some sort of David Brent character from The Office and it's created a workplace where literally anything goes. I think you need to just get out of that toxic culture and leave as soon as you can.

Lots of good advice OP. Before you do anything, write down exactly what's happened - whatever you can remember - dates, times, what the context was and precise language used. You can then use this to report what's happened

If you're in a Union they should be able to help. If not, maybe join one.

These comments are unacceptable in any workplace.

You need to find a new job. The culture there is toxic and if you raise it with HR and management, you will be the bad person and ostracised.

In my work place either of those jokes would get you straight in front of senior management and HR. Telling both jokes would likely get you dismissed. We have very strong policies on discrimination, bullying, sexual misconduct and appropriate behaviour for staff and management.

Sounds like your manager started off trying to be a David Brent persona

The people in the office instead of cringing and politely laughing along, they have taken this as a green light that they can say and do anything.

I would get evidence of this ongoing inappropriate and racist “banter” (I would be leaving my phone on record all day as well)

I would also go to your manager to discuss the pen incident and one or two of these office “jokes”

After which I would send an email to this manager setting out the time and date of the meeting and what was discussed

Buried in the email a line saying if he disagreed with anything you had written or wanted to add on other things you had discussed that you had missed to email back with the correction within 3 business days.

If he writes back and adds anything or doesn’t then you have this as evidence that you had gone to him with your complaints and you had tried to fix this yourself. (He might discuss the pen incident with the person who said it and refer to the discussion in which case it could be used as evidence that it happened.

I would then do the same with different complaints one more time with reference to him addressing or not addressing his own or his staffs behaviour regarding the previous complaint and again emailing him the contents of the meeting with the deadline.

If things don’t improve significantly then email HR and cc in your managers manager, and all the way up to the HR Director and Managing Director

Treat it as a process.

It's not you, OP; you just work with arseholes. I'm sorry your work environment is so awful. I'd look for another job to be honest. Some things I'm willing to put up with when necessary, but the blatant antisemitism without consequences would be my line. In my exit interview, I'd raise your line manager's inappropriate creation of a hostile, unsafe working environment, and I'd name the employees making racist, hate filled comments. (No doubt nothing at all would come of it, but I would want others to know what they're harbouring within the company.)

So you work at Dunder Mifflin??

Is your manager David Brent by any chance?

He'd be sacked where I work - totally unprofessional,