Help! Am I a weirdo at work?

[sunisinthesky4]

Hey,

just looking for someone outside the situation to tell me if I’m being soft or not.

basically I’ve had some issues at work recently. Our manager is the type who encourages banter and jokes, and encourages collegues to be like that too. It ranges from cheesy dad jokes, to just plain unfunny stuff, and sometimes stuff which in my opinion is inappropriate. It’s sort of caused an environment where people just say whatever they want, because he tries so hard to be everyone’s friend so nobody gets into trouble.

the thing is, I don’t find the jokes funny. I’ll sometimes pretend laugh or play along if it’s things like dad jokes and it’s harmless, but it’s so draining when I’m trying do work and he’s bouncing about like a Labrador puppy trying to get attention.

the other issue is sometimes the jokes are frankly inappropriate. Recently it was that one of the guys in our work was in the Epstein files. And then they had chat GPT’d a picture of him hugging Epstein on the island.

I just don’t find it funny. I understand some people have different senses of humour, and I don’t want to be chronically offended by everything, but with the nature of the Epstein island crimes I just don’t find it funny at all. I didn’t laugh, I just walked off. But now everyone thinks I’m a spoilsport/no fun/antisocial. That’s a small example but there’s been similar jokes I consider inappropriate (sexual, racial etc) and I don’t take part but I’ve sort of isolated myself now.

recently there’s been some racism too. I have friends of all different races/religions etc and I cannot stand any type of racism. It used to just be propalestine stuff which is fine because everyone is entitled to their political opinion, but recently there’s been comments which are not anti Israel but instead just anti Jewish. So for example, I had pinched a pen from a different room because someone else pinched mine, and I sort of lightheartedly joked about ‘I’ll just steal this for 2 minutes!’ to which one of the guys turned round and said ‘I always knew you were such a fucking Jew’ I was confused at first, I’ve had jokes at me before because I have an obviously jewish name (I’m not Jewish however) so when I said what are you talking about he turned round and said ‘stealing stuff that’s not yours, typical fucking Jew behaviour’ he was joking but also serious. I was absolutely shocked and more so at the fact it was said openly in front of others who just laughed. Other comments have been similar. There’s also been racist jokes about other races but mostly anti Jewish comments tbh.

I dont know anyone Jewish but I cannot stand racism of any type towards any race or religion. But it just gets laughed at and encouraged as if it’s acceptable. I’ve stood my ground and said it’s an awful thing to say, but then everyone just thinks I’m a spoilsport/boring/killjoy.

the thing is, I don’t want to fit in if it means going along with banter like that. But this is my first graduate job and while I know their jokes are inappropriate part of me is scared I’m just a killjoy and boring. This isn’t normal workplace behaviour is it? I’m trying to leave asap, but I’m just so fed up of it all I’m sort of losing perspective and worried im just being a killjoy?

The first thing you do is get union.

Start photographing everything and making notes and taking a record of everything.

If you want to stay, could you pretend you are hard of hearing so you can zone out and just go there to earn the money only?

I used to work in a factory where this was the culture. I used to wear ear defenders all the time and when questioned, I said my hearing was already defective and wearing them preserved what little hearing I had left. In reality, I found wearing them reduced my stress by 90%. I could hear perfectly well but I could smile and carry on earning the money whilst being on the 'outside' IYSWIM. This meant I stayed long enough to pay off a massive debt and save for a down payment on a house and really get my life started without the fuckwittery all around me.

It’s not you it’s them - the anti Jewish comments would get you sacked at my employer. Arguably the Epstein photo too. This is completely out of line for any modern workplace.

Lighten up and try to cope as best you can until you find your second job with a great reference from joker man.

Some people are generations apart. He is not behaving in an acceptable manner but I guarantee that everyone else in the office also knows he's inappropriate.
Hopefully his boss can insist that he curbs his ethnic jokes.

You are learning about work place personalities.

He will retire one day.

Not a weirdo, but IME it is 'normal'. I walk away every time. Can't be doing listening to it. Tends to run alongside conspiracy crap too.

This is not normal and at my company, and indeed the majority of companies, these people would find themselves in front of HR and out the door.

I suggest you bide your time and find another job. At that point you tell HR why you are leaving.

Out of interest is this a small company ?

Their joy needs killing so please continue to be a killjoy. Wishing you speedy success with getting a new job.

Racist language would not be tolerated in my work place. There is a huge amount of banter because we deal with difficult situations together

If he is your office manager then surely there’s someone higher up in the chain of ‘command’ or even HR?? You really do need to report this behaviour, it is unacceptable, unjustified and illegal when it gets to discrimination of race, faith etc.!
Personally, I would have to speak up or else face being accused of complicity when another person complains and I’d done nothing about it.

What sort of business is it OP? Did the bloke who was the target of the JE "joke" find it funny?
Do you have a HR dept?
You are not the problem here.

"So for example, I had pinched a pen from a different room because someone else pinched mine, and I sort of lightheartedly joked about ‘I’ll just steal this for 2 minutes!’ to which one of the guys turned round and said ‘I always knew you were such a fucking Jew’ I was confused at first, I’ve had jokes at me before because I have an obviously jewish name (I’m not Jewish however) so when I said what are you talking about he turned round and said ‘stealing stuff that’s not yours, typical fucking Jew behaviour’ he was joking but also serious."

At first I was a bit nonplussed - the Epstein stuff is bad taste, but it is just a question of taste. However, this is really **ing racist and I'd both confront this on the spot and go straight to HR.

This is awful this is your first job and it's making you doubt yourself. It's not you at all. THe behaviour would be gross misconduct and dismissal in most companies.

I hope you can find yourself a better work environment soon x

Racism is never funny. The other stuff sounds like bullying.

Sounds like an episode from “The Office”, but less funny! Go to HR and seek another job asap xx

IMO these jokes are on par, that is to say not funny or acceptable at all. Would not fly in my workplace, we have a laugh and a joke but at the end of the day we’re professionals.

Lighten up? Do you mean laugh along and make this bell end think what he is saying is OK?
Ethnic jokes? Not revolting racist slurs?
Work place personality? What?!
He will retire one day. So everyone should just go along with his work place personality until then?

Why are you assuming that the man making these disgusting comments is old? Are you actually him, user1492757084?

This.

OP, so sorry you’re experiencing this. The atmosphere in my first graduate job was similar and I thought it was the norm - racist comments, a ‘boy’s club’ office (one manager had pictures of page 3 girls and cars stuck above his desk) and comments openly made about women’s bodies. It is NOT the norm, it is the only job I’ve ever had with such a horrible atmosphere - so you’re absolutely right that it isn’t acceptable.
If it’s a large organisation with a good HR presence consider gathering evidence and making a formal complaint. The comments you’ve relayed regarding Jews would amount to gross dismissal (being immediately fired) in most places but you would likely need irrefutable evidence if it’s the first time the person has been pulled up.
However if it isn’t, or if doing so could put you at risk of retaliation, bide your time and look hard for another job. It’s not good for you to stay in this environment!

As everyone has already said you aren't a weirdo. What you describe would result in disciplinary action in most workplaces. Have a look at your companies code of conduct or grievance/disciplinary policies and procedures. You can go to HR. If you feel you don't want to I would start to look for another job, it sounds quite a tricky and toxic workplace.

Racist jokes are completely unacceptable and would be gross misconduct in any place I've ever worked and I'm in my 50s. If this is a large company whistleblow/report to HR.If it's a small company, look for another job.

That wasn't a joke OP, it was a personal attack and it's upset you. I wouldn't let it go.

Email your manager your complaint and copy in someone higher.

That’s awful racism. Did everyone just listen and say nothing?

Stand proud Op and take the high ground. Look for another job and remain true to your core values.

Dear God, that's appalling. You are not a weirdo! You sound like the only normal adult in that place of work.

What kind of place of work is it? If it's a small business and that guy is the owner, I think I would just try to get a new job.

It's an HR issue, 100%, but going through the grievance process in that kind of environment will likely be traumatic.

Sounds like the feral place where my daughter works. She takes your approach and says if she doesn't find things funny. She had a bit of handbag clutching from them but that calmed down. It does them good to know not everyone thinks that way and some if them probably didn't have the nerve before you arrived, you might be turning the tide.
If you think anything is worth reporting, go to HR. Where my daughter works they brought HR in and now they have an anonymous reporting system.

Your manager and ‘laugh along’ colleagues are the weirdos. Sounds toxic. If I were you I would be looking for a new job.