To ban cooking for teenage boys

[Boysfood]

I have 3 teen ds 15,17 and 19.

They cook all the time. Breakfast lunch , I make dinner they then cook in evenings and when getting home. My electric bill is too high.

I’ve asked them to have cereal or toast or instant porridge etc for breakfast. Sandwiches etc for lunch and snacks to be something that doesn’t need cooking. We always have these type of things available but they ignore me and start cooking. I can’t remove the oven etc and they often do this when I’m out or in bed. Only 19 year old works so I can charge him more rent to cover his share but others still in education and I don’t know what to do .

It’s a family home, not the army/prison. By that logic my husband disrespects me on the daily. Just because he doesn’t clean up at the time or in the exact way I’d like. And he sometimes eats my fave yoghurts. Honestly, this is just silly. It’s 3 adults and an older teen living together in one house- talk, discuss, compromise.

I can’t believe the grief OP is getting. It’s so disappointing to see a woman set out how three teen boys are being completely disrespectful to her, and the instinct is to kick OP because boys will be boys.

In ten years or so, when these lads are terrible partners to women, posters will be blaming their mother for not setting boundaries.

According to OP they are paying some of the extra costs quite willingly out of pocket money, buying some of their own food and cookware. I thought the chewing up had been resolved by the eldest buying disposable cookware. I’m not actually sure what the problem is now beyond OP just not liking it. honestly, so controlling and petty. If there are still concerns around electricity costs, then sit down together and make a plan.

Having raised three sons, it’s perfectly obvious that some of the posters here haven’t got a clue how much food teenage boys can need. It’s not about “toxic masculinity” it’s not about being disobedient. It’s about being hungry.
Would you like them to dictate to you when you are hungry or not? Or what you should eat? Or how much you should or shouldn’t eat? Unless they are all overweight just let them get on with it, and accept the fact that teenage boys will eat a lot. And hot food is more satisfying than cold. So sorry, no sympathy from me. More stop being so controlling.

That's not the case at all. They're cooking food which the OP considers to be expensive. Many suggestions have been made about how to reduce these costs.

Agree. I dread to think what sort of adults will come out of this kind of upbringing. We're raising a generation of entitled little shits.

What issue will a future partner have with one of these men buying their own food, cooking it themselves and ensuring the cookware is clean?

If a partner had a problem with their OH cooking food in their own home they would be called controlling and abusive.

It’s February - they should be eating hot food

Well then we differ on opinions because it sounds to me like she just wants to complain. Why can’t she compromise? Why can’t she buy them food they want to eat? Whatever they do, she comes up with a different reason. Is it the cost? (But then offer avocados and “nut butters”). Is it the mess? Is it she doesn’t approve of their preferences? Is the amount? Cutting their pocket money because they cook food is controlling. I am not saying they should make a mess and eat everything in sight, but it sounds like they’ve tried to compromise by buying their own food and finding an albeit lazy solution to the mess. Where is her compromise? OP seems controlling and she contradicts herself. But you have a different view. And that is OK too.

I understand and YANBU. Have 2 teenage boys and they eat their way through the cupboards and totally ignore my pleas.

I keep a stock of decoy food at the front of fridge but they find the food I want to use for meals and snack on it

I also have the added frustration of a husband who often behaves the same way.

I cook a meal, plate it up and now leave them to it.

When the food runs out it is on them. I shop once a week. I then ignore their complaints. Back at you boys!

Solidarity.

What happens if you eat cold food in February?

Not necessary for every meal
I’m amazed at poll results so far!

Who said they weren't cleaning up at the time or in the exact way the OP would like? She says, 'They didn’t clean up and when I told them they had to my 19 year old just ordered a huge amount of foil roasting trays , takeaway type tubs and paper plates and bowls'.
Why is it only the army or prison in which capable adults or near adults should clean up if asked to?
The OP has tried to talk to them. They tell her she's 'complaining', do silly things like buying unnecessary disposable stuff, or simply choose to ignore what she's asked.
Incidentally, my DP doesn't eat food that he knows is my favourite, or not without asking first or replacing it. Maybe your standards are a bit low?

It’s not about “toxic masculinity”
Telling a woman she's complaining because she would like the kitchen cleaned up absolutely is. It's a step away from accusing her of nagging and it's unacceptable.

What issue will a future partner have with one of these men buying their own food, cooking it themselves and ensuring the cookware is clean?

Well I certainly wouldn't have married a man twat who thought doing housework included buying disposable cookware/crockery.

Agree. I dread to think what sort of adults will come out of this kind of upbringing. We're raising a generation of entitled little shits.

Ain't that the truth. We have thread after thread about man children who won't pull their weight housework wise and this thread demonstrates exactly how these men are formed.

Some of these replies are odd. You've communicated house rules and your sons are ignoring you, overriding you, and making up their own inappropriate solutions rather than proposing changes or explaining why they can't follow the rules. You're irritated by the unnecessary cost, the waste of finite resources, the inconvenience of their routinely finishing an item and not replacing it/communicating that it needs to be replaced, having people underfoot when you're cooking dinner for everyone, etc. But the root issue is that right now, everyone's doing whatever the fuck he wants rather than compromising a little for the good of a functional, happy household.

I grew up in a vegetarian household. My parents didn't prevent us from eating meat, but they had rules about no meat in the refrigerator and no cooking meat in the house. My brothers and I didn't violate them any more than we would have chain smoked in a smoke-free house or adopted a dog and brought him home to a pet-free house. (And I'm fairly sure, by the way, that we not have been allowed to buy a bunch of disposable trays and utensils and leave them in the family kitchen - that's horrifically environmentally unsound and you have every right to say no to it.)

But if your sons have reached the age of 15+ with no effective consequences for breaking the rules, they're going to be difficult to enforce now. I'd probably try ONE more time to explain what the problem is now and give them a chance to participate in fixing it. Have a family meeting when everyone's free and not rushing off somewhere. If there's another adult in the house, make sure they are in agreement and will back you up. Let everyone speak, explain what the issues are and what you would like to change, listen to any objections, try to come to a compromise. You can include things like whoever finishes an item replaces it, or puts it on the shopping list. If you cook dinner every night from 6 to 7, no one uses the kitchen during that time. Stove gets used for no more than an hour each evening (or specific evenings each week) - if they can't coordinate, make a roster. These are just examples; you get the idea. Once you have a workable set of rules, make sure everyone understands and acknowledges what's been agreed. Put up a list on the wall if necessary. Be clear on the consequences of breaking them - if a rule isn't working, it's discussed again so it can be changed if needed, not just ignored.

A side note - if you've cut the pocket money for your younger sons and they're not working, they're getting money from somewhere to buy sausages and bacon (and pot). I suspect some of it is from the 19yo but could it also be from their dad, or another relative, a "job" you don't know about? It may take some work to figure out effective consequences. Pocket money completely suspended for rule-breakers is an option, but money won't work if they're getting it elsewhere.

Disgraceful contribution, but I hope it made your presumably miserable day feel better.

I hear we all turn into Olaf and then melt away in the summer if we’re not careful enough. Dangerous times we live in.

I don't know why you put nut butters in sneer quotes. And as the OP says, you can buy it cheaply at Lidl.
How much exactly should she compromise? She pays for the majority of the things they have, not least the roof over their heads.
Disposable cookware isn't particularly sustainable as a solution, and if the OP doesn't like it, again, she pays and she runs the house, so she's well within her rights to say so. They are fully capable of cleaning up.
And it's not about not approving of their preferences, not in the way you make it sound – she is worried about the amount of processed meat they eat. Look at the recent and current science on this issue, and/or at any number of threads on here about it and you will see that it is widely considered to be problematic, and people saying they've cut out or cut down on it; she's hardly an outlier.

We have thread after thread about man children who won't pull their weight housework wise and this thread demonstrates exactly how these men are formed.

Yep. It's a frightening insight into some women's mentality around men.

If course she pays for the majority of things. She is their mother and two of them are minors.

It's a bit sixteenth century, isn't it, adhering to the humours theory of health.

But she’s also annoyed when they make pasta, or protein oats, or brownies.
She has an issue with them eating literally anything except what she chooses to consume for herself.

The problem with all this is that severely policing teenagers / young adults' actions around buying themselves food tips over quite easily into depriving them of food. Because the OP keeps changing the grounds on which she objects to what they are doing, it's not clear that she understands how much food they need and that their protein and calorie needs (leaving aside gym fads) are significantly higher than hers.

It is likely that they don't see her objections as reasonable, or even don't realise they are still violating her rules when the ground keeps shifting. Your parents rules sound clear and well articulated. OP's aren't.

Yes, so it's perfectly reasonable for her to set some rules and standards. Self-evidently ones like 'don't eat food that I've already asked you not to take' and 'clean up after yourself'.