To ban cooking for teenage boys

[Boysfood]

I have 3 teen ds 15,17 and 19.

They cook all the time. Breakfast lunch , I make dinner they then cook in evenings and when getting home. My electric bill is too high.

I’ve asked them to have cereal or toast or instant porridge etc for breakfast. Sandwiches etc for lunch and snacks to be something that doesn’t need cooking. We always have these type of things available but they ignore me and start cooking. I can’t remove the oven etc and they often do this when I’m out or in bed. Only 19 year old works so I can charge him more rent to cover his share but others still in education and I don’t know what to do .

Does 17yo have part-time job?

Well, if they're into cooking you shouldn't be cooking them a meal every night. Each one should be making dinner for ALL OF YOU at least once a week. Have you introduced them to the notion of making for example an industrial quantity of pasta sauce to freeze?

I feel your pain on the turning their nose up at simple things like sandwiches and cereal. DS1 (16) should be in charge of making his own packed lunch every day. Instead, he makes himself a massive stack of pancakes for breakfast every morning, leaves the kitchen splattered with batter, and usually goes hungry until he comes back from school. He will only take lunch if it's cooked- pasta, leftover quiche or burritos etc. When I question this he's like "Well, there's nothing to take for lunch, is there?" Nothing if you ignore bread, wraps, oatcakes, cheese, houmous, peanut butter, eggs, crisps and fruit that is....🙄

Your attitude to them being disrespectful (for wanting to eat) is just plain weird (to me). Yes I agree they should be cleaning up but after that leave them to it! They aren't small children who you can control.

OP, why have you ignored all the references to/questions about whether you have a smart meter?

Do you have one?

If not, how do you know how much the extra electricity is costing?

And considering you've upped your 19year old's contribution, are you sure it doesn't cover it?

They honestly are in all other ways, it was such a weird thing to watch. They provide home cooked meals with plenty of extra servings and a cooked dessert every day but only at meal times. My daughter ate all 3 meals and was quietly hungry before she was able to whisper to me (my fault for not noticing earlier). Their kids are super sporty and happy and active but it's a totally different style of autonomy in their house (they still have a bedtime for the 15 year old too which was surprising).

You win with an air fryer if you are doing lots of single meals at different times, as you don't have to heat up the entire oven each time.

It sounds like this may be the case.

You had 3 sons, didn't it cross your mind that they will grow into men one day and will need to be fed appropriately? I have 2 sons that are still very young and I joke about how much it will cost to feed 3 men (including my husband) when they grow into young adults, they cost a fortune now so I'm anticipating it will triple as they grow. If you are going to have children you need to feed them beyond primary age. Personally I'd be really pleased they are cooking and will have the life skills needed to look after themselves and their families when they leave home.

Where's their dad anyway? Can't he up payments for the ones he still needs to pay for to cover their food bill if you are struggling to feed them?

No sorry @ShawnaMacallister is spot on. Controlling what your children eat to the point a teenager has to ask permission to eat a slice of bread is verging on abusive. If not fully abusive.

YABU, DS is 17 and is useless in the kitchen. He’d rather starve than cook for himself. If it gets really late, he’ll reluctantly make a sandwich. I’d be delighted if he cooked at all!

To save on electric, empty your freezer and switch it off. It is not your oven that is using the electric.

There are some shit parents out there.

There are some shit parents out there.

Abusive.

Let's face it, not allowing your children to eat when they're hungry is abusive. Taking away their pocket money so they can't buy food is abusive. Not sharing your food with your own children is abusive.

Three teens cooking separately for lots of meals would definitely add up. Seems like there needs to be some rules about communal meals being cooked, instead of everyone cooking their own thing multiple times a day. That is indeed a waste of electricity. No need to stop them cooking, but one needs to cook the same breakfast for all three, say. (And take turns.) That's how family life works - it's much more efficient for everyone to eat the same meals. Family life isn't about everyone cooking their own separate meals for every meal.

Yes I prefer hot in winter. I was meaning the types of things they are probably watching on social media are usually hot food focused. It’s all very protein focused. My 20 yr old daughter doesn’t eat cold cereal or sandwiches and her flatmates at uni seem to prefer hot food too eg she’d have pasta pesto not a sandwich for lunch whereas a sandwich lunch was very much norm when I was her age.

Beans on toast are hot. I think it's the full scale 5 meals a day that are unnecessary.

According to this the hob should be costing about 8p per 10 mins, so cooking bacon or pasta shouldn't be costing a lot

https://www.cse.org.uk/advice/how-much-electricity-am-i-using/

It's hurtful 😹it doesn't take much to hurt you does it??
Come on! Just buy extra oats if they are eating them
I don't think I have anything in my cupboards that is mine alone

Exactly. There are 3 of them. If all of them are cooking at least one extra meal a day, that's 3 additional meals. If they each cook 2 extra, that's 6 more meals in addition to the 3 family meals. Cooking 9 meals a day? I wouldn't be happy.

It doesn’t at all seem like 5 full meals though. They aren’t eating what OP wants them to eat for breakfast or lunch, they are sorting themselves out instead. So they have breakfast, lunch, dinner, a snack at some point and maybe a dessert. Sounds normal.
OP is calling a brownie after dinner “a full meal” she’s the one with the disordered approach to food not her children.

They're not doing that.

She said they are cooking 2 extra meals. In addition to 3 family meals.

@PurpleThistle7 I think some parents just don’t catch on their dc are older and just carry on as they always have. Yet often they will expect them to go to uni at 18 and haven’t equipped them with skills.

My 16 yo DS is always hungry! He’s not a big lad but is obviously needing the fuel right now. He always wants snacks (I feed him meals as well and he gets double what I eat). I’d be over the moon if he wanted to cook stuff for himself! (As long as he tidied up).

I think the issue is (1) you’re not giving them what they want. The things you suggested are carb heavy. They want more protein. I get that you don’t like the idea of processed meat, but have you offered protein based alternatives? Chicken? Turkey? (BTW I think it might be written in law that all teenage boys want bacon sandwiches though!) (2) you’re not accepting that they are just hungry! They need more food.

You have offered alternatives they don’t want, cut their pocket money and got annoyed they haven’t obeyed your instructions to stop feeding themselves. They’re hungry!!

I’m sure you can find a compromise. I think you’re being very unreasonable, sorry. Teenage boys eat a LOT and it costs a lot to feed them. Although sounds like they’re buying their own food a lot of the time as you won’t give them the food they want. That’s fair enough if you don’t want to buy it. Though personally I tend to compromise. My kids want to eat crap, so I buy some crap, but also try and give them healthy meals as well. Sounds as if you refuse to buy them anything they want. Then complain when they buy it themselves!. As I say, am sure there are ways to cut down on mess and cooking (as people have suggested air fryer etc).

Meet them halfway instead of insisting they eat what you tell them to eat.

Not read more than the first page.

Change Tack.

Work out how much extra their cooking is adding to the electricity, then charge them each a set amount Per Day for using the cooker. Then physically deduct that from their pocket money before handing it over.

That might get them to realise.

Op are you sure that’s the electric issue? If it’s the hob not the oven I don’t know that it would cause a huge jump?