To not go on this holiday?

[notaurewhatusername]

A group of friends have organised a holiday to Europe this summer, large villa, mixed group of men and women about 8 of us. We have a one year old and have been invited along though none of the group have babies or even young kids they’re bringing.

I’m not sure I want to go if I’m honest. I feel like I’d end up doing most of the childcare while everyone else relaxes. I also worry about the group dynamic changing how my partner behaves with the baby - wanting to look fun and carefree - and us ending up clashing over it.

Would you go, or would you let your partner go alone or none of us go?

Why do you think you’ll be doing most of the childcare? Just say no to that!

Book something you can all enjoy with the money you would have spent on a holiday you might enjoy.

Have a talk to your partner about how it would work in practical terms - why do you think he would leave all the childcare to you? You need to be clear about how much he is prepared to be an equal parent on holiday. If he can't convince you then I wouldn't be going on holiday with him - let alone the rest. And surely raises questions about what he does and does not do on a daily basis as well?

I wouldn't go, that sounds stressful and you'll be pissed off if they are loud and drunk and ruining naps or stopping the baby sleeping, and then you'll be stressed trying to keep the baby quiet at 6am when they get up and everyone else is still in bed.
Whether your partner goes or not depends on how close he is to the group I think. Very close friends I'd say yes, if not then noone goes.

Don't go, it'll be stressful and you'll feel resentful at the 11am breakfasts and 11pm dinners. Unless of course you have one of those mythical super chill babies that need zero supervision or routine?

If your partner wants to look fun and carefree and dodge his parenting duties then you’ve got a separate problem. Is he easily influenced?

Neither of you go

you both have a child now. The last thing you want to do is for him to go regardless and get the idea that nothing much has changed in his life while yours is totally transformed

He’s getting much better but I can see it now. He will still want to get drunk when someone has to be responsible. It will land on me. And I don’t fully trust him taking baby out places on holiday if I’m not there to be honest.

I can see it now. He would take him in the pool even if it’s cold. He will just not be as responsible as I expect and will want to have fun with his mates

@Lighterandbrighteryou hit the nail on the head. Baby wakes 6am - baby goes bed early all of this will cause tension I think. On holiday I would probably be ok to stretch bedtime but it just doesn’t feel like a comfortable time for me

Do not go, its not worth the stress or possible dramas.

No, I wouldn’t go.

Plan a holiday for the three of you instead.

No I wouldn’t go. Seems they’re on a different vibe to you if no one has kids or if they do, they’re not going. To be painfully truthful will they want your baby there? It doesn’t sound the environment for kids…in the nicest way, a holiday house full of adults is all about lazy mornings, lovely long meals, sunbathing etc even if I don’t mention the drinking. So in answer to your question no I wouldn’t go and of course I’d love to say my husband will stay home with me but that’s a decision for him to make. I’m much much much older than you but my husband and I would prefer to spend our money on a different vibe that we could enjoy as a family

@Rainbowdottieyeh. I wish my husband did too. He loves company. Any oppurtinity to spend time with others and he’s there. I find it a little annoying tbh

Toddlers on a kid free holiday are a specific sort of hell. It’s easier when they’re babies or when they’re older but toddlers are particularly tricky as you have to be on top of it all the time. I did a few days away with a fully engaged husband and a group of friends when my daughter was 1 and it was still awful.

Who are these friends leaving their DCs with ? Sounds like it wouldn't be a great time . Adults only . No allowances would be made for baby once they started drinking . Is DH pushing to go and is it something you would consider without your baby . It was nice of your friends to try to include you but I really would give it a miss.

@Nofeckingwaymost of their kids are grown or they don’t have any

I might agree to go if he funds it all but I’m not paying a penny towards something I don’t really want to do

I would say if they’ve got grown up kids they won’t want a baby there anyway. My husband and I are old, we have grandchildren, we love kids…but we absolutely would not want to holiday with a baby ( in the nicest sense!)
I feel for you if your husband is extra sociable and determined to go as you’ve just told me. Is he reading the room right? Will they really want you there with a baby? Will he go in his own if you don’t go? Are you happy with that?

If you're the only people bringing small children, it sounds like a nightmare in the making. Sounds like the others have all either forgotten or don't know what toddlers are like, and chances are they won't make any modifications because of your child. I would give it a miss .

Back then, when my first baby was a baby, I probably would have agreed to it thinking it'll be fine.
I'm 50 now, three kids grown up and I'm thinking absolutely not. I'd neither take a baby nor want one there.

Truth is, it's hard when you have a baby and no one else does. You can't commit yourself fully to the adult vibe. You'll end up annoyed with your husband, feeling put upon and as soon as you spot someone pulling a face at your baby crying or making a noise (and that will happen), you'll want to leave.

Really don't think a matey getaway is a good family holiday. Send him on his own if you like.

I wouldn’t go in those circumstances with a baby, and if I was childfree I wouldn’t want to go either if there was a baby/ child going. It would change the whole dynamic.

I wouldn’t go , go on a holiday just the 3 of you

I think it would be quite a miserable boring holiday for you and baby. Hell no to this

This is a bad idea. He doesn't get to go on a week partying with mates whilst you get left holding the baby. He'd be a straight up shitty partner if he wanted to do that.

It is awful being on holiday with child free adults whilst you deal with a baby or toddler.

I wouldn't let him pay as he's bound to think he's doing you a favour and expect to get the lions share of child free time.

@ZenNudisti gave him the option but also stated I would also want to do a week holiday and he soon went quiet!!