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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on this holiday?

77 replies

notaurewhatusername · 17/02/2026 20:42

A group of friends have organised a holiday to Europe this summer, large villa, mixed group of men and women about 8 of us. We have a one year old and have been invited along though none of the group have babies or even young kids they’re bringing.

I’m not sure I want to go if I’m honest. I feel like I’d end up doing most of the childcare while everyone else relaxes. I also worry about the group dynamic changing how my partner behaves with the baby - wanting to look fun and carefree - and us ending up clashing over it.

Would you go, or would you let your partner go alone or none of us go?

OP posts:
PopcornKitten · 18/02/2026 13:16

if you have to forfeit a family holiday because of this group holiday it would be a no for me. The childcare will frustratingly always fall to you as that been the dynamic so far. He needs to accept that the status quo has changed. Either the group holiday becomes an extra (either with him alone or you go as a three) or no one goes.
when others within the group have children I’m sure things will shift.

youalright · 18/02/2026 13:27

I wouldn't want to go. Maybe if the baby was a bit younger then maybe. I remember going on holiday with our first at a few months old and was really easy she just slept in her pram no issues when she was 18 months absolute nightmare didn't want to sit in her pushchair, whinged constantly, was overtired out of routine and just a nightmare if that had been in a group situation of all adults I think they would have got extremely annoyed really fast.

ldnmusic87 · 18/02/2026 13:29

Your partner sounds quite selfish, who thought that was ever a good idea, he'll be reliving his youth and you'll be on 24/7 baby duty.

Moonnstarz · 18/02/2026 13:31

No I wouldn't go on this holiday. No one else is taking children and it won't be a child friendly holiday for this reason. You are right in that you will probably get stuck looking after the baby while your partner goes off with the others.

Clearinguptheclutter · 18/02/2026 13:33

I wouldn’t go

in a few years I bet there will be a few more babies and it can be fun again

people without babies don’t know what it’s like once you have children.

Isthateveryonethen · 18/02/2026 13:38

This is definitely not a holiday for a baby op. You will be miserable and so will your baby.

firstofallimadelight · 18/02/2026 13:41

If it’s an adult holiday I wouldn’t take a baby, the baby won’t fit in to the vibe and they are unlikely to make it a family friendly event.
Id either -
get childcare and both go
one goes (the closer friend)
noone goes

mindutopia · 18/02/2026 13:50

No, I don’t think couples holidays work when you have young children and everyone else is childfree (or have older children they will leave at home). I would not want to holiday with someone else’s baby once mine are grown. Sorry! Plan a family holiday for yourselves and meet up with couple friends for lunch when they get back.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/02/2026 13:53

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/02/2026 20:44

Why do you think you’ll be doing most of the childcare? Just say no to that!

Presumably because it’s her baby? I’d expect the father to equally share this but not the friends.

nixon1976 · 18/02/2026 13:57

A definite no from me. It's not fun with a baby on an adult holiday and if he leaves the childcare to you when you are there you will be miserable and furious. Option 1 - leave baby with grandparents and both go. 2 - neither of you goes. 3 - he goes but you absolutely get your own holiday away with your mates/on your own, and you are 100% clear about this time-wise and finances-wise when he books this trip.

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/02/2026 13:58

Nope. Far too stressful.

neverbeenskiing · 18/02/2026 14:00

This is a recipe for stress and resentment. Don't do it, OP.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/02/2026 14:12

It's a terrible idea to go and a total "trap".
There is NO WAY i'd go even if its free/ I wasnt paying.

Its all adults... at 1 yr old they are walking and getting into all kinds of chaos.
The baby will annoy and disturb the group and simply by being defacto carer you'll be "the villan".

Separately i'd put this back on him.
You arent going.
He can either:
decline as well
or
go and then you get to go away for a week too (make sure whatever date his is yours happens BEFORE)

ginasevern · 18/02/2026 14:13

@notaurewhatusername Christ no, this is a recipe for utter disaster. The group will get totally pissed off about the baby (and I wouldn't blame them!) and your DH will want to live like a singleton. This is a house party for grown ups and they won't want their style cramped. You'll probably end up in a very awkward atmosphere wishing you'd never gone.

Manymoresometimes · 18/02/2026 14:15

I wouldnt even contemplate going. Would be a ridiculous situation for everyone.

CanIRetirePlease · 18/02/2026 14:16

I would not go. It’ll ruin the vibe of the holiday to have a baby there. Pass and say thanks for the invite

stargirl27 · 18/02/2026 14:17

I'd only agree to go if there was a clear agreement that you will both be equally responsible for childcare in advance, otherwise it just isn't a holiday for you!

ChaToilLeam · 18/02/2026 14:18

It sounds like no fun whatsoever for you. Not only will you be left out of all the fun, you'll be pissed off at everyone being loud at night when you and baby need to sleep, and they will moan about baby noise in the morning. You're just not holiday compatible with the group. Your DH needs to understand that you have a baby now and family should have priority.

tuesdaytuesday31 · 18/02/2026 14:20

I don’t think I would, especially if you think your DP will be crap.

We did it when the kids were little and the World Cup was on, cue DH and all the other blokes spending two weeks glued to the tv with beer in hand while we looked after the kids.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/02/2026 14:26

He’s getting much better but I can see it now.

I thought you were talking about the baby there! I think you should do a family holiday instead as this one is just not suitable.

SchrodingersParrot · 18/02/2026 14:35

Truth is, it's hard when you have a baby and no one else does.

This. Even if all the other adults do their best to accommodate you, it's still no holiday for you. It's just a change of nursery scene - with the added disadvantage that it's all on display to the rest of the party. You'll end up frustrated at best, downright resentful at worst. Take this from one who has been there, done that, and had sick all over the t-shirt.

LucyLoo1972 · 18/02/2026 14:36

notaurewhatusername · 17/02/2026 20:55

I might agree to go if he funds it all but I’m not paying a penny towards something I don’t really want to do

do you not share your money together?

LucyLoo1972 · 18/02/2026 14:38

we used to do this kind of thing with a group of friends and one couple were the first to have a baby and did come.

but - it wasn't abroad and my female friend of the couple takes absolutely zero shit from her husband. I could have learned from her tbh I ended up being controlled and abused.

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 18/02/2026 14:40

Will you have to pay for your share of the villa if you don’t go?

FirstdatesFred · 18/02/2026 14:42

For me it would depend on how the friends are with my DC. Having a 1 yr old there will change the vibe. I was the first of my friends to have kids and they doted on her and a group holiday was fine. But with others who didn’t have kids and didn’t plan to, it would have been awkward and miserable as I would have felt conscious if dc cried when going to sleep or whatever