To think it’s incredibly sad that there’s still such a huge stigma against mental health issues?

[Theboredpanda]

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts

I suffer from depression but it comes in waves of around 3 days to 2 weeks. In-between I’m completely normal, happy, positive, full of energy. I can be fine for months on end, 7-8 months even. But if something triggers me at the wrong time, it can have a catastrophic effect on my MH. My world comes crashing down around me, I can’t stop crying, sometimes can’t get out of bed, often feel suicidal, can’t bring myself to talk to anyone. I’ve been on meds for years which have helped enormously in that these episodes are far less frequent, but they still happen. I have to take time off work occasionally and ask my co-parent if he can have the kids for extra days. My HR dept is aware but none of my colleagues are and I don’t discuss it with friends or family either. They know I suffer from it but no one likes to talk about it. It actually makes me want to scream sometimes. If I’ve had to take time off work I’ll have to come back with a pre-prepared lie for my colleagues about how I had an awful stomach bug because that’s socially acceptable to talk about. (It’s rare I take time off work so physical illness is believable). Some of my friends at work would feel more comfortable talking about the consistency of my made-up diarrhoea than they would about depression. I have to lie to family about why I don’t answer their calls for days too. Usually another lie about being so ill with food poisoning I was bed bound. Because if I told them the truth I’d just get awkward mumbling. I used to tell my kids’ dad the truth as he knows I suffer from depression. However, I’ve had to start lying to him too or he refuses to have the kids, as it’s “not a good enough reason” apparently. It’s very rare I ask him to keep the kids for an extra day or two because of my depression (maybe twice a year) and it’s only because I don’t want them to see me like this. When I used to tell him the truth he’d refuse, telling me to “pull myself together”. If I pushed it he’d start saying “well maybe you shouldn’t have them at all” and threaten to go to court for full custody, saying I was a danger to them (I’m not and never have been). He only did this so I’d back down and take them, which was extremely difficult and meant I’d have to pretend I was physically ill to them too. I’m not trying to sound like a victim, I’m just so unbelievably sick of the way people with MH problems, especially those who do everything in their power to help themselves and try very hard not to be a burden on others, are treated. It’s such BS that the stigma against it no longer exists, which some people seem to believe. We’ve barely moved on at all. People just don’t know how to talk about it. It’s either met with pity, awkwardness or disbelief (eg. People thinking you’re being dramatic or you just need to pull yourself together or “we all get depressed” attitudes 🙄). AIBU to feel so angry & resentful about this? To think we all need to try harder to break down this stigma?

I disagree completely, @Theboredpanda .

When I was first diagnosed with depression 45 years ago, my mum would die a thousand deaths rather than admit that was what was wrong. When I told my aunt the entire family was appalled.

My GP wrote something else on my sick note so my employer wouldn't fire me.

Th stigma around mental health is nothing compared to what it was in the past. It's openly discussed and widely known about. My own children's mental health problems have been completely different to my experience at their ages, thank goodness.

It's fine to tell people you have depression or acute anxiety, and employers make reasonable adjustments where possible rather than getting rid immediately.

I think the awkwardness people feel around any form of severe health issue is what you're describing. My friend said she noticed it around her cancer and another friend losing her sight said th same. People don't know what to say and are tense and awkward.

I do hope you're feeling better soon, though.

I agree it’s less stigmatised.

The issue is that everyone goes through periods of anxiety/ sadness/ loneliness unlike breaking bones or using a wheelchair or physical illnesses. It’s the same with chronic fatigue and long Covid.
It’s always going to be less regarded than cancer or bouts of one of illness,

It has always astounded me that this sort of info was made public knowledge in the workplace anyway.
If a supervisor told us a colleague was off sick, we always got told what was wrong with them. I hope times have changed now as that seems like private information that no one should be privy to.

I think it’s become much more acceptable socially to say you have MH issues. It seems to be commonplace.

I don’t think work colleagues should need to know why you’re off work. It could be anything from flu to endometriosis.

It’s always inconvenient for colleagues covering no matter what your issue.

This will sound unsympathetic but people with depression can be a bit self absorbed & find it hard to think about other people’s needs when they’re having a bad time.

Yes I work with young people and it’s a badge of honour for some -certainly how many define themselves , and god forbid any of us should proffer any advice around diet /exercise /limiting screen time or scrolling or socials / finding positive or enrichment activities such as volunteering or outward bound etc lest we are ‘minimising’ their lived experience and being meany bullies.

Yes I work with young people and it’s a badge of honour for some -certainly how many define themselves ,

@Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit That’s concerning, because to use physical illness as an analogy, no one would wear cancer as a badge of honour, for example.

Most people who are suffering from an illness, whether mental or physical, fight it with everything they’ve got, don’t they. There are exceptions, of course, but most do whatever they can to make their illness disappear.

Young people choosing not to fight MH conditions is very worrying, because how will they cope long term? Support from their parents, for example, can’t continue indefinitely, parents get older and may need support themselves.

@BruFord I imagine the younger generation with anxiety will expect to continue to get DLA &/or PIP and so won’t need to worry about supporting themselves 🤷🏻‍♀️

They wouldn’t get PIP for just a bit of anxiety.

Well it would minimise and not be much help for many mental health difficulties such as CPTSD,trauma from abuse, EDs, severe OCD etc

True @Str0ganoff but @Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit’s point still stands that it’s concerning when people reject any advice on how to mitigate symptoms. It’s not helping them in the long run.

That generation probably well understood things that could cause MH issues, if they lived through wars.

They just dealt with it differently. 🤷‍♀️

Oh really. I didn’t have a lot of choice in how I dealt with it as I was sectioned and locked up in a psychiatric hospital for a year.

They didn’t live through wars. Those in their 80s were born at the end of the war. They didn’t have to cope with half of what young people do now.

Many don’t get the specialist care they need so treatable conditions turn into harder to treat conditions.

@Str0ganoff Yes, I can only speak from my own experience with one mental illness.

I’m diagnosed with GAD, I’m on medication and have had a short course of counselling. Positive activities and exercise don’t cure my anxiety, but in conjunction with medication, they definitely help. It’s only part of the treatment, but worth exploring.

I've suffered with depression and anxiety all my life.

Eventually having a complete breakdown and being admitted to a psychiatric hospital for 3 months.

Some so called friends cut me out all together, a few likened it to a "spa break".
One even said to me, when I said how embarrassed I was "Oh don't worry, most people would love to get away for a few months".
When I told someone I was suicidal I was told " make sure you write your will and sort out your pensions".

My manager phoned me and asked if I was walking around the grounds of a beautiful house ( I wasn't) and to let me know if "I would like a little visit".
She also said that although I was being paid SSP that she was keeping it from the big boss but she couldn't do it forever.

Oh and even now when I tell my mum I'm not great she says "are your nerves bad again?"

I don't think most people are comfortable talking about illness of any kind and at work I prefer to keep conversations on a less personal level. What would you like people to do or say? Surely anything is just platitudes anyway? I think I'd just answer 'I had a personal matter to deal with' and leave it at that. It's between you, your manager and HR and it's no one else's business why you were off.

Some people just do not understand at all.
I had a couple of friends visit me when I was sectioned, and I think they just had some sort of curiosity about what a hospital was like, rather than to see me.... because there was silence from them once I was home. People think that being discharged means you are fine now. No, it just means someone more ill needed your bed. The real recovery starts when you are back home.

I hope things are easier for you now.

What tosh are you talking?!!

Rationing was still in place until the mid 50’s - so you know like COVID levels of food shortage but without the convenience of lovely big supermarkets open 7 days a week until 10pm.
Hardly anyone had central heating, housing and home appliances were basic, women’s rights and employment laws were shocking.
I don’t think most of us could stand a week of their lives.

My mother and mil are both in their 80s and both have said life was a doddle then compared to what young people live with now. I’m late 50s and grew up with no central heating, shops with limited hours , no tv, tumble drier or dishwasher . I’d far rather my dc had that than global warming, Trump, zero chance of owning their own home, AI, multiple wars…..

I think I’ve had 14 days off for mental health reasons over the past 3 years. Some of that was for bereavement. I made up physical reasons for the other days off and in all honesty, I don’t feel bad about it. I’m unwell enough work on those days, it’s all consuming.

I know manager would be ok with it if I approached them but I’ve removed the need for people to know and approve about my personal business.

Thank you, it's still a struggle but thankfully I've never been that low again.

The absolute fear I had on my first few days in hospital was awful. The medication, the other patients, the shame and the guilt.

I have to say that I was one of the "lucky" ones that went to a private place due to having health insurance. However, it came with lots of problems, some doctors were awful, honestly I could write a book.

Even there the aim is to get you stable and let you go, As you said the real work starts when you get home. Surprisingly, that's when most friends disappeared, which made the guilt, embarrassment and shame much worse.

@ME215 I have been to a mix of NHS and private MH hospitals. I was only ever abused and assaulted by staff in two private hospitals.

i got sectioned early last year and spent four days in a place of safety as the only beds available were at private units and my family refused to risk it.

Give me NHS any day of the week, most of the staff actually gave a damn.

@ME215 I’m sorry that you had such an awful experience with your friends. 💐 Some people really don’t understand and I think that others who are more empathetic are often afraid/have no idea what to do or say. As I mentioned upthread, when my Dad tells me that he’s suicidal, I have no idea what to say. That’s why I personally find it easier not to share such feelings with family or friends.

Oh for goodness's sake! My father is 83 and he was born in 1943. He was a baby and a toddler during the war. He didn't frigging live through it.

I swear people are chronologically illiterate.