To think it’s incredibly sad that there’s still such a huge stigma against mental health issues?

[Theboredpanda]

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts

I suffer from depression but it comes in waves of around 3 days to 2 weeks. In-between I’m completely normal, happy, positive, full of energy. I can be fine for months on end, 7-8 months even. But if something triggers me at the wrong time, it can have a catastrophic effect on my MH. My world comes crashing down around me, I can’t stop crying, sometimes can’t get out of bed, often feel suicidal, can’t bring myself to talk to anyone. I’ve been on meds for years which have helped enormously in that these episodes are far less frequent, but they still happen. I have to take time off work occasionally and ask my co-parent if he can have the kids for extra days. My HR dept is aware but none of my colleagues are and I don’t discuss it with friends or family either. They know I suffer from it but no one likes to talk about it. It actually makes me want to scream sometimes. If I’ve had to take time off work I’ll have to come back with a pre-prepared lie for my colleagues about how I had an awful stomach bug because that’s socially acceptable to talk about. (It’s rare I take time off work so physical illness is believable). Some of my friends at work would feel more comfortable talking about the consistency of my made-up diarrhoea than they would about depression. I have to lie to family about why I don’t answer their calls for days too. Usually another lie about being so ill with food poisoning I was bed bound. Because if I told them the truth I’d just get awkward mumbling. I used to tell my kids’ dad the truth as he knows I suffer from depression. However, I’ve had to start lying to him too or he refuses to have the kids, as it’s “not a good enough reason” apparently. It’s very rare I ask him to keep the kids for an extra day or two because of my depression (maybe twice a year) and it’s only because I don’t want them to see me like this. When I used to tell him the truth he’d refuse, telling me to “pull myself together”. If I pushed it he’d start saying “well maybe you shouldn’t have them at all” and threaten to go to court for full custody, saying I was a danger to them (I’m not and never have been). He only did this so I’d back down and take them, which was extremely difficult and meant I’d have to pretend I was physically ill to them too. I’m not trying to sound like a victim, I’m just so unbelievably sick of the way people with MH problems, especially those who do everything in their power to help themselves and try very hard not to be a burden on others, are treated. It’s such BS that the stigma against it no longer exists, which some people seem to believe. We’ve barely moved on at all. People just don’t know how to talk about it. It’s either met with pity, awkwardness or disbelief (eg. People thinking you’re being dramatic or you just need to pull yourself together or “we all get depressed” attitudes 🙄). AIBU to feel so angry & resentful about this? To think we all need to try harder to break down this stigma?

I think it definitely depends on the assessor i went from 0 points to high rate on both at mandatory reconsideration

🖕so many people present at A&E and it IS "shit life syndrome" they are suffering from. Mix these people, among the drug users, alcohol abusers, the mild anxiety sufferers with the clinically depressed, schizophrenics. What is our NHS to do?

Treat them! The same as they do with the variety of physical conditions they encounter. Anybody who presents at A&E after trying to kill themselves needs help- end of.

“Shit life syndrome ” is so dismissive- these are people who will be struggling with trauma, undiagnosed/ untreated ND etc

Have you been investigated for PMDD?! Sounds very much like it and it’s utterly debilitating esp just before menopause

NHS treatment can’t cure a shit life. One of my children is a community psychiatric nurse in an impoverished city and she says many of her patients are reacting appropriately to the terrible hand they have been dealt. Traumatic life experiences as children, chaotic lives, deprivation, limited opportunities. It would be more remarkable if they weren’t anxious or depressed. Medical treatment can’t solve social problems.

Picking up on a point someone else made... some conditions are catered for in the public eye - mild anxiety and depression for instance. The kind of thing MIND likes to exhort ourselves to reach out to people with their nauseating "Time to Talk" campaign.

But psychosis isn't palatable. People living with schizophrenia are thought dangerous (not supported by the evidence base). Telling your workplace about those won't go well. (Which is why I got angry with MIND. Did that many years ago and got promptly managed out. MIND present it as a warm and fuzzy no-brainer. Cheers for that MIND).

Many many other provisions already do. Thousands of people with chronic physical conditions are fobbed off by the nhs every single day. And these conditions ‘should’ be easier to treat because they’re not as broad as mental health (which is a sweeping term for hundreds of conditions). But because the nhs is chronically underfunded these people get left behind too

I think every time someone says there is a stigma, it just perpetuates it.

I think a lot of these mental health campaigns are more aimed at mental wellbeing, rather than awareness and reduction of stigma of mental illnesses. I mean, we all have mental health. But yes, you are right.... the severe end of mental illness is not talked about and there very much still is a stigma about it.

If someone is suicidal because they are in a lot of debt (an example), then what is the NHS meant to do?

I’d just like people not to be so awkward and scared of mentioning it. I’d like people’s reactions to reflect how widespread it is, rather than some shameful secret that we all pretend doesn’t exist. When asked why I was off work by a friend, I’d like to not feel panic setting in and having to come up with a lie. For example, if I was off work with food poisoning and came back, there would be no shame in admitting I had food poisoning (I’m talking about with colleagues I’m friends with). I could say something like “it was a rough few days, I couldn’t keep anything down, it was hell” etc. I’d like to be able to say “I got really depressed, I couldn’t even get out of bed or brush my teeth. It was hell” and for people to have the same sympathetic reaction they would if I had food poisoning. But also to say something like “glad you’re better now” like they would with a physical illness, and not assume it means I’m damaged/weak/crazy. But just the thought of saying those things out loud to people would immediately make me feel like they saw me as weak/pitied me/assumed I was still depressed (yes, for me it does infrequently recur, but many people only have 2 or 3 depressive episodes in a lifetime). It would feel way too personal and incredibly awkward to admit those things though. And that is sad because so many people have been in the same boat

At what point do you take responsibilty for yourself. The NHS does not have infinate resources

That sounds ideal. But at what cost to the person mentioning it? I had multiple negative consequences to doing so (not just being managed out; my car insurance was immediately withdrawn and I have to pay MUCH higher premiums. Due the rest of my life I have to declare that I have been refused car insurance).

So no, I'm not throwing myself under that particular bus.

Asking and responding to help is taking responsibility. What else do you expect people
who have battled and tried to overcome trauma, EDs, clinical depression, OCD….etc to do?

Not treating MH when it needs to be treated costs the NHS a massive amount more. Mental illness doesn’t go away, it gets worse if not treated properly. Patients end up in uber expensive hospitals when they don’t need to, our prisons fill up, people get hurt and die.

The NHS MH services know exactly where the money is needed, they just haven’t got the money to invest it.

OP, I’m really sorry you are struggling. Do you feel like you could reach out to some local charities that have activities etc for people with mental health illness? Or look for some peer support groups? It won’t make up for the stigma you are struggling with, but at least you’ll have some people who get it. Any support is better than no support. Community is such an underrated commodity when you are struggling with your mental health.

Stablise the crisis with medication and crisis care (usually a crisis team), and psychosocial intervention. Referral to talking therapy, debt management services any other support services.

I think the stigma of mental health issues is actually lower than ever. Many people are very open about their conditions and their treatments imo.

I think there is an overall MH fatigue to be honest. It's become a buzz word and excuse for too many, meaning those who are genuinely suffering just get an eyeroll instead of the support and kindness that they deserve.

A bit like those who had back bads in the 80s/90s. And fibromyalgia/long covid/post viral fatigue more recently. All things that can be diagnosed without actual proof. I'm not saying it's right, at all, but I can see why it's happening.

I think people are overwhelmed by others’ MH issues and genuinely have no idea what to say or do @Theboredpanda

My Dad has lifelong MH problems and now that he’s widowed, he pours out all his feelings to me. I have absolutely no idea what to say when he says he’s suicidal and severely depressed. What exactly can I say? All I can do is listen, I’m not trained in this field and have no solutions. I also found him once after an attempt (I was a teenager) and it’s scarred me.

I’m diagnosed with GAD so in order to keep my anxiety at bay, I try to compartmentalize my feelings when he’s like this or I’ll start going downhill too.

It’s very difficult to navigate @Theboredpanda. Personally, I don’t share my anxiety with my family much, only with professionals as I don’t want to burden my DH and children, they can’t really help me. I wouldn’t tell colleagues as they can’t help me either.

It’s not so much about wanting people to help me. Like you said, I know there’s nothing anyone can do apart from listen. But there’s also nothing anyone else can do for people with a physical illness. It’s more about not being afraid to mention it or to admit you’ve been feeling mentally unwell. I’m sorry about the situation with your dad. That must be extremely difficult

I know what you mean, but in my experience it’s more social awkwardness than stigma.
It’s like when somebody experiences a bereavement, or any other sad thing that is personal and unique to them. Others don’t know what to say. It’s awkward.

What would you like your colleagues to say, OP? Genuinely keen to know because I have a colleague who I know is depressed, but we’re not close enough to have a personal conversation about it and I have felt the professional and respectful thing to do so far is to just carry on as normal and not bring it up. I suppose I thought that they might not welcome prying questions and are probably just trying to get on with work like everyone else. But maybe they see this as insensitive? It’s so difficult to know what to do.

ETA: sorry just seen your recent post where you answered this!

I think people are more open about mild-moderate anxiety and depression, OCD etc. If you have a serious mental illness, you could not be more wrong.

I assure you there is a HUGE stigma to psychosis.

But, by all means, take my place and blithely announce to colleagues that you have psychosis. Then confidently declare the lack of stigma.

Or otherwise.

But, by all means, take my place and blithely announce to colleagues that you have psychosis. Then confidently declare the lack of stigma.

@Youmustwakeup I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this horrible illness. 💐 I agree with you that there’s an ongoing stigma regarding psychosis. Frankly, I think it’s because people are terrified of it.

This plus other peoples illness is not my business.
I never ask people why they are off sick and prefer it if they dont tell me.

I agree that as a society, we need to feel less awkward about mental health conditions @Theboredpanda , because as you say, they’re illnesses just like physical illnesses.

I think people still fear them though and worry about saying/doing the wrong thing- whereas if you had a broken leg, they’d know how to be supportive.

At least we’re more open about MH than we were in the past.