To think it’s incredibly sad that there’s still such a huge stigma against mental health issues?

[Theboredpanda]

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts

I suffer from depression but it comes in waves of around 3 days to 2 weeks. In-between I’m completely normal, happy, positive, full of energy. I can be fine for months on end, 7-8 months even. But if something triggers me at the wrong time, it can have a catastrophic effect on my MH. My world comes crashing down around me, I can’t stop crying, sometimes can’t get out of bed, often feel suicidal, can’t bring myself to talk to anyone. I’ve been on meds for years which have helped enormously in that these episodes are far less frequent, but they still happen. I have to take time off work occasionally and ask my co-parent if he can have the kids for extra days. My HR dept is aware but none of my colleagues are and I don’t discuss it with friends or family either. They know I suffer from it but no one likes to talk about it. It actually makes me want to scream sometimes. If I’ve had to take time off work I’ll have to come back with a pre-prepared lie for my colleagues about how I had an awful stomach bug because that’s socially acceptable to talk about. (It’s rare I take time off work so physical illness is believable). Some of my friends at work would feel more comfortable talking about the consistency of my made-up diarrhoea than they would about depression. I have to lie to family about why I don’t answer their calls for days too. Usually another lie about being so ill with food poisoning I was bed bound. Because if I told them the truth I’d just get awkward mumbling. I used to tell my kids’ dad the truth as he knows I suffer from depression. However, I’ve had to start lying to him too or he refuses to have the kids, as it’s “not a good enough reason” apparently. It’s very rare I ask him to keep the kids for an extra day or two because of my depression (maybe twice a year) and it’s only because I don’t want them to see me like this. When I used to tell him the truth he’d refuse, telling me to “pull myself together”. If I pushed it he’d start saying “well maybe you shouldn’t have them at all” and threaten to go to court for full custody, saying I was a danger to them (I’m not and never have been). He only did this so I’d back down and take them, which was extremely difficult and meant I’d have to pretend I was physically ill to them too. I’m not trying to sound like a victim, I’m just so unbelievably sick of the way people with MH problems, especially those who do everything in their power to help themselves and try very hard not to be a burden on others, are treated. It’s such BS that the stigma against it no longer exists, which some people seem to believe. We’ve barely moved on at all. People just don’t know how to talk about it. It’s either met with pity, awkwardness or disbelief (eg. People thinking you’re being dramatic or you just need to pull yourself together or “we all get depressed” attitudes 🙄). AIBU to feel so angry & resentful about this? To think we all need to try harder to break down this stigma?

It really isn’t difficult.

Leaving trauma, depression, OCD, anxiety, EDs, self harm etc untreated costs the NHS and tax payers so much more money. When left conditions get worse, people then end up needing more specialised treatment, inpatient, end up in hospital, turn to drugs or alcohol, they self medicate, laws are broken etc.

Its madness.

You will never ever get PIP just for down days. You’re lucky if you get it when accessing specialised MH services.

I think the terms have become overused, which is part of the issue. It REALLY annoys me when people laugh and say they have OCD because they like things to be tidy. Actual OCD is absolutely crippling. I have a parent with it and it is so misunderstood, The obsessive thoughts are so de habilitating.

You have misunderstood my point. It’s difficult to know where to put finite resources when the field is so wide. Do you put it into therapies such as counselling, urgent trauma care, drug treatment programmes, lifestyle programmes etc etc.? In an ideal world the answer would be “all of them” but decisions have to be made.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I agree with another poster who said actually it is not that different for physical or even a disability. If something impacts on others directly their empathy often drops off over time.

I would absolutely not be sharing with people the real reason for your time off. You are not imagining that lack of empathy it absolutely exists and it is not your job to fix that. It is your job to regulate yourself and get yourself back on track.

Those generation is filled with of people who have ideas about how the modern world should be but in reality people are people and change is glacially slow. Take care and mind yourself.

If you don’t support people with MH difficulties in a timely fashion, they will simply get worse and be harder/ more expensive to treat.

I’ve seen it happen.

I know that! Im saying there are so many different types of mental health problems, and so many different points of treatment its almost impossible to know where best to direct resources.

I think it’s the same for most illnesses. Eye rolling and little sympathy. It’s rare to find people who understand what you’re dealing with.

Is it? Surely if there is need, you treat it or get informed. No other NHS provision would get away with such a weak and wishy washy outlook.

I have had diagnosed major depressive disorder along with other mh problems since I was a teenager. Now in my forties. I faced a lot of prejudice and lack of understanding in the early years when I used to talk about it quite openly. Eventually I just stopped.
When I suffered from perinatal mh problems I was shocked to find that fifteen years later the stigma was even worse.
Nobody wanted to talk about pnd. They would clam up and get extremely uncomfortable at the mere mention. Even people who had been supportive during previous breakdowns did not accept or want to talk about pnd.
Unfortunately this included my family and even my partner.
I never speak about it with anyone so nobody knows and I’ve heard people say things about women they know who’ve had it like “they couldn’t cope” or “they weren’t suited to having kids”.
Even some of the medical professionals like midwives, public health nurses, doctors were so visibly uncomfortable, it was like they panicked if I started to speak about it and so I really didn’t get the help I badly needed.
I honestly never felt so alone, so separate and so ashamed of anything in my life. If someone else had told me this instead of me experiencing it I honestly would have thought that cannot be true, not in this day and age, but it was.
Finding out how people react in that situation just on its own has made me lose faith in people a bit tbh.

Are you deliberately misreading my posts. Im talking about NHS investment

Honestly? Because I think you’d be suprised how many people are on antidepressants and dealing with mental health issues themselves.

Yes, which MH continuously gets less of- because of stigma.

I give up

I think it’s less stigma and more that the NHS struggles where a large proportion of the mild to moderate mental health problems patients present with are ultimately “shit life syndrome” and the NHS can’t tackle that alone. Counselling can help, by giving people the tools and confidence to address their problems; but it can’t cure a dysfunctional marriage or money worries or general sadness because somebody thought their life would be different; and a lot of NHS counsellors aren’t specialists in relationship therapy or trauma therapy, and aren’t geared up to provide the sort of long-term and intensive treatment; and investment in services isn’t there for a counsellor to say “I can’t help you with these problems” and refer in to services who can.

🤷‍♀️Maybe you’re not explaining yourself that well or maybe you just don’t like my answers.

I absolutely agree. Tbh, mental conditions are hard to treat. You can’t fix many of them.

But very specific MH problems- trauma, EDs, OCD etc are massively under catered/ under funded too.

I've just recently gone on antidepressants. The impact of my colleague being off since last March, with her mental health, has caused me so much stress. I love(d) my job, but I'm not sure how much longer I can hack it if she remains off. I have every sympathy for her, but it doesn't lessen the effect it has on others.

Good point and no one can know whether you are suffering more than her. You might have a higher threshold before going off sick than she has.

Or maybe you just like arguing your point despite the fact that it’s nothing to do with the point I’m making

I think that your own behaviour is all you can change here. Be more open and explicit about what emotional support you need. They're not psychic, and they may know absolutely nothing about MH issues. If you haven't spoken about it to them since your condition was so bad you needed practical help, they may think you're fine now, and/or that you don't want to talk about a bad period in your life that they think you would find it upsetting to remember. You're the one who knows best about this stuff, so you need to take the lead.

Similarly with your colleagues, rather than inventing physical ailments to cover your MH sick leave.

I think the problem is that your ex's profoundly unpleasant response to you being honest with him has made you afraid everyone else is equally prejudiced and ignorant. They probably aren't, but you won't know until you let people know how they can support you. Which I get involves being brave and letting yourself be vulnerable, but I think it's better than fulminating about having to cover it up.

This, i initially got turned down for pip straight after getting off a section 3 and I have bipolar, and bpd plus multiple serious physical health conditions

I couldn’t agree more more this

OP, in my experience, It’s the same with cancer. I’m treatable but incurable. A majority of my colleagues have ghosted me ( some friends too!) They don’t want to know, it makes uncomfortable talk and heads end up falling to the ground in awkwardness.

I’m going through the ill health retirement process now, so it no longer matters what colleagues think. Just wanted to say that I understand OP and feel sad you are in this situation.

Must be an element of luck involved. I got it for MH issues and my assessment call was only 12 minutes.