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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that its not fair my friend gets more just cos she's a single mum?

129 replies

LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:05

I know there's been a few of these but i'm a little peed off with the system.

My friend is getting loads of help whereas me and DP are having to struggle.

I mentioned to her the other day that we were struggling abit and how did she cope? She went onto explain that she's fine as she gets money from work (same amount as DP) gets CTC, Income Support, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit, Child Benefit. She reckoned her average annual income was around £22k a year. Plus whatever her DD's dad gave her which normally totalles about another £200 a month but she coldn't be exact

Now am I being unreasonable in thinking its unfair. She's only supporting her and her DD.

Me, DP and DD are told we can get no more cos we earn too much He earns £14'500 and we are apparently entitled to £75 CB and £100 CTC a month. So £16'600 altogether.

Am I missing something? Is there things we should be claiming that we're not or is this just normal?

Feel free to tell me to shut the hell up if I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
falcon · 16/06/2008 00:47

Apologies if I sound like a big meanie, between this thread and the spear fishing one I am beginning to wonder if I'm becoming a bit of a grouch as I age.

Tortington · 16/06/2008 00:48

i am exasperated - i apologise for being mean

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:49

Yeh I think once your a homeowner you don't get much help at all. But I spose thats kinda understandable cos if you sold your home you'd probably make abit of money.

Sometimes I think I should just kick DP out! lol

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 16/06/2008 00:49

But you would not want tw switch places which is key. You are choosing to have a lower income which is your choice. Your friend is making the difficult choice you don't want to make by working and using childcare. I know it can be frustrating, I have felt the same but often we would not swap for the seemingly greener grass option

zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 00:50

well if you manage yourselves as best you can then you will end up ok

just dont compare

and tbh anything can happen

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:50

No worries Cust - I just wondered what I'd said that had set you off is all.

Falcon - You don't sound like a meanie. I think I really am just living in a blinkered light and refuse to look at the reasons behind things. I just look at is as being. Its no fair.. I want it! IYKWIM

Zippi - I dont' know if I can do either! lol

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/06/2008 00:52

yes, well, as a taxpayer, i don't see why i should be helping people gain equity in the asset that is homeownership.

and i'd feel the same if i had a mortgage myself.

why should taxpayers subsidise that by 'helping out'?

expatinscotland · 16/06/2008 00:52

yes, well, as a taxpayer, i don't see why i should be helping people gain equity in the asset that is homeownership.

and i'd feel the same if i had a mortgage myself.

why should taxpayers subsidise that by 'helping out'?

zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 00:52

well there sometimes comes a time when you yopu dont get on with firends sad if it is money but you choose

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:53

twinset - No, I would never want to have to work and use childcare. As it is we just about cope (as long as they dont raise fuel and food costs much more)

I search the internet for vouchers and freebies to make sure we have nice things to do and have.

The only things I'm peed off/worried about is I wanted to go to college so when DD went to school I could get a good job for her to have a good future (college etc) and i'm worried abour rising costs of everything and the fact that our fixed rate ends in feb next year.

Maybe thats why i've suddenly become of the blinkered kind.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 00:54

its choice your life dont compare sweetheart

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:55

I kinda see your point expat. But then as a taxpayer you're helping lots of people in council housing who then buy their house for a lot cheaper? (I used to work in a mortgage company and found that)

Or is that not the taxpayers duty?

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 00:56

Zippi - Maybe thats the problem. My blinkers aren't stern enough! lol. Or I should just find some rose tinted glasses (is that the right term)

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 00:57

lots of sad stuff can happen around money, let it go

twinsetandpearls · 16/06/2008 00:59

I dont want to criticise your choice to stay at home. It is one we made and like you we found it hard. I can remember a time we almost lost our house and the bank manager advised us the easiest way out was for me to be a single parent. We had a moan and a winge but knew we did not want that and better times have followed.

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 01:01

Twinset - Thanks. I think i'm gonna have to decide which I want most. The lifestyle we live now or to raise the child myself.

At the moment, I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and go lalalala abour money. Until we get a bill we can't pay! lol

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 01:02

but i have odd experience of money

when i first knew my exh he had none

i had met him at uni aand then bumped into him at kings cross he didnt have his fare home so i gave it him

nowe we are divorced

he is a millionaire and i have none

he is lending me the equivalent of thast 6 quid

karma

well we were together for 23 years in between but have been split for 9 years

so i think money can be a strange thing

jammi · 16/06/2008 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 01:06

Oh zippi - How'd he get rich? Maybe you could be like that woman a couple of years back (can't remember who it was) who sued for money to be made etc cos she'd made him who he was.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 01:07

just work

we prioritised his career abnd i stayed at home he is a scientist

Desiderata · 16/06/2008 01:08

Lucky, you're forgetting something.

Council house tenants go to work and pay tax themselves. Council houses aren't free. You have to pay rent, and if you don't pay it, you get kicked out.

The tax payer has got nothing to do with it.

The concept of council houses began after WW2 when entire areas were bombed, and people had nowhere to live.

It's amazing how concepts change over the decades.

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 01:08

There you go - You helped him with his career

Anyways - I'm off to bed to dream about mansions etc. lol.

Thanks for the bashing. I'll stop wingeing now.

OP posts:
jammi · 16/06/2008 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 16/06/2008 01:09

hope you feel better

Original poster
LuckySalem · 16/06/2008 01:11

Desi - But they get housing benefit too?

The guy that used to live here sold his house just as they were starting repo proceedings. He was the sole carer of 4 kids and they gave him a council house. I'm pretty sure he doesn't work as he was telling us he'd lost his job when we came to view the house. So hows he paying?

I was pretty annoyed at that too cos we saw him 2 months after we moved in and he had a brand new people carrier. ahh well.

I've gottta learn to just let things go and ignore what other people are doing/have and live my own life.

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