Measles, vaccines & friendships

[Measley]

Following on from the news of the London measles outbreak.

I put my foot in it. Shared it with an anti-vaxxer friend. Genuinely was worried and I know she doesn't read the news so didn't think she would know.

I tried to explain that I was just worried and care about her son. She took that as me saying she doesn't care about him which isn't the case at all. I know she cares and I know she thinks she's protecting him by not vaccinating.

I have listened to her views and researched each point carefully and can see they are all very easily debunked by science and stats.

I didn't expect us to not be able to discuss it like that.

I'm sensitive and easily triggered due to losses.

I feel so sad about what's come between us and am happy just to let it go but I don't know if she will be. Any advice?

if you’re happy to let it go send a message saying you didn’t meant to hurt her feelings, sorry you brought it up or whatever then the ball is in her court.

Honestly if she’s an antivaxxer she is probably isn’t worth wasting your energy on.

These people don’t have the necessary intelligence to process this information and they will counter anything you say with “research” of dubious provenance.

She's an idiot. Her child could die from measles or be permanently damaged. He could also spread measles to those children who genuinely can't be vaccinated. She's being selfish and stupid, and there's no reason to protect her feelings.

Maybe mind your own business about things that have nothing to do with you and respect other people’s views if you want them to remain friends with you.

Yes, let's all be tolerant about people who are careless of the safety of their own children and the children of others because they have 'done their own research' and are, basically, stupid. It's like saying 'Oh, it's their choice' about parents who encourage their children to play on busy main roads. Measles is nasty, too often lethal and far too often permanently disabling.

Same as vaccinated kids although it's less likely

She’s a dickhead

My kids are vaccinated but I also agree with this. Not your problem.

This

ahe doesn’t care as much as she shouldn’t to let nonsense get in the way of her responsibilities

It’s all our business if people want their kids to endanger other children, children who can’t be vaccinated, people with cancer ect

Well said and now they’re putting other little ones at risk. Arsehole

I agree. Don't bother discussing it. You will never change her mind!

Not just less likely. Much much much MUCH less likely. The UK was almost measles free due to vaccinations. That’s how effective the vaccine is. Now it’s not. We have lots of outbreaks. And the outbreaks are not due to the vaccinated children.

Was I arguing about any of that? I basically stated the vaccines don't work for everyone. Good job mumsnet wasn't about when I lost half my hearing due to measles. My poor parents would've probably been accused of being anti vax and dreadful and didn't give a shit lol

I'm impressed that she's done her own research. It's no mean feat to organise all those clinical trials, let alone fund them.

Great answer

It's all very well to say 'mind your own business', but measles is frighteningly contagious. The UK has now lost its measles free status and vaccination rates have dropped to a worrying low and that is everyone's business. The vulnerable in society are the responsibility of all of us to protect. Does the child come into contact with babies too young to have had the MMR? Or people who can't have the vaccine for medical reasons? Her decision is not just affecting her own child's safety but the safety of all those others. Her decision could kill a bunch of people, to put it frankly.

I'd say you have done the right thing in raising it with her - we can't just pretend that being anti-vax is just like choosing to parent in a particular style. If it comes between you, that is because it's too important to ignore. It's not like falling out with a friend because they think you give your child too much screen time or don't like baby led weaning.

It's really tough because you know that by choosing not to have her child vaccinated she is putting him at risk and if he catches measles then she will also be putting at risk the lives of anyone the child comes into contact with who is genuinely unable to have the vaccine

I despair at anti-vaxxers.

Vaccination has saved millions of lives. It les to the eradication of smallpox. Some other diseases were getting close to being eradicated, in some countries if not globally.

Then along come quacks spouting dangerous nonsense and people willingly turn their backs on one of the greatest advances in medicine.

Yes it is one of the greatest advances isn’t it

I don't understand knowing she's anti vax why you even started the conversation with her unless it was to cause an argument

That only works with things that don’t impact other people. People choosing not to vaccinate affects their wider community

You have probably misunderstood her thinking on vaccines - the fact that there is an outbreak shouldn't bother an anti vaxer. They believe the risk from the vaccine is higher than the risk from measles..it's not that they think their kids can't or won't catch it.

I actually don't think you can discuss things like this anyway. I have a friend who's a homeopath and anti vaxer. We have never ever discussed it. Never will. We respect each others points of view. I couldn't be friends with her if she tried to lecture me about vaccines and I imagine she feels the same about me.

Oh dear. You can't reason with science deniers.

I wouldn't say anything if you value.tbe friendship and never speak of it again.

Hi all,

Thanks so much for the responses.

I absolutely love the response about how impressed I am about all the clinical trials she's organised 🤣

I think those that have said it's pointless raising it are probably right. I shared the link because I thought she would want to know about an outbreak. There's also an element of my own conscience - I wouldn't want anything to happen and always regret that I didn't try to do more.

I haven't really talked about it much with her before - all I've asked of her is that she speaks to a doctor about her concerns. I would have thought that's a reasonable ask but apparently not!

ughhh

Your right to push if she spends time around you and your kids