Measles, vaccines & friendships

[Measley]

Following on from the news of the London measles outbreak.

I put my foot in it. Shared it with an anti-vaxxer friend. Genuinely was worried and I know she doesn't read the news so didn't think she would know.

I tried to explain that I was just worried and care about her son. She took that as me saying she doesn't care about him which isn't the case at all. I know she cares and I know she thinks she's protecting him by not vaccinating.

I have listened to her views and researched each point carefully and can see they are all very easily debunked by science and stats.

I didn't expect us to not be able to discuss it like that.

I'm sensitive and easily triggered due to losses.

I feel so sad about what's come between us and am happy just to let it go but I don't know if she will be. Any advice?

Her child is being put at risk through her ignorance. You were trying to be a good friend. You did nothing wrong and if I were you, I’d just retreat and see if she reaches out to you. If not, she can’t be that bothered by the friendship.

@FunMustard that's a harrowing read.
measles is among the most contagious diseases in the world. The virus infects roughly 90 percent of unvaccinated people exposed to it; the infected can then, in turn, infect a dozen to several hundred people each, depending on where they are and what they’re doing. Breakthrough cases are possible among the vaccinated, but they tend to be rare, relatively mild, and less likely to spread.

I don't think many people know quite how contagious it is.

I couldn’t maintain a friendship with someone who is an anti-vaxxer because of personal ‘research’, and I say that having maintained a friendship with someone who supports Donald Trump.

All people (well almost all) are worthy of respect. Not all opinions. Some opinions are stupid.

I don’t respect an opinion that vaccines are unnecessary any more than I respect the opinion that the earth is flat.

She's beneath contempt then. Happy to have a jab that ensures she doesn't miss out on a holiday, but happy to place her own children (and those of the rest of us) at risk by denying them vaccines which would protect them. I couldn't be friends with someone like this, I think they should be treated with the contempt they deserve by the rest of us.

I agree with those who state that 'anti vax' is a luxury 1st world belief and that they take the benefits of vaccinations for granted. I am old enough to have been a child in the 60s and one of my earliest memories, funnily enough, is about the vaccines I got; preparing for them, getting them done at school. This was the time that many of them were being rolled out, the fact that is a very strong memory must be because of how much it was talked about by the adults around me, and what a boon and protection from the terror of childhood illnesses they were perceived to be.

Otoh my parents recall when just about every classroom had at least one child with crutches/leg braces prior to the polio vaccine.

@Futurehappiness i think this is what I'm struggling with the most.

If I thought she was genuinely scared of vaccines it is one thing. But I don't - I don't believe deep down she can think this and have still got the Covid jab just to go abroad.

I have just left things and she hasn't contacted me over the last couple of days. I do feel really sad as she's one of my closest friends. However, I don't regret sending her the link to the measles outbreak and tbh think that is a normal thing to share.

I think you were being unreasonable to think you would get any other sort of response. Anti-vaxxers are basically conspiracy theorists. You cannot reason with them! I actually don’t think I could be friends with her though!

If you knew she was an anti vaxxer I think sending her info on a measles outbreak was a bit passive aggressive.

There’s no great outcome from this. Either you make your peace at your friend being selfish and stupid and ignore it, or you drop the friendship without drama. I couldn’t be friends with someone selfish and stupid so it would be no great loss for me.

of course I have friends I disagree with about various things but this would be a red line for me. And I’d never want my kids around hers.

The problem is that, it doesn't matter what you or I or anyone else thinks about an antivaxxer's position. Ooit doeskt matter what the science says or what the facts are. You're not going to change their mind.

If you're more sensitive for whatever reason and don't like falling out with people, what point is there in upsetting yourself by arguing?

This reminds me of a situation my friend, who works in a hospital, told me about during Covid.

A young child was wheeled in, very sick and obviously the parents are asked if the child is vaccinated against Covid. The dad is a rabid anti-vaxer and is claiming he’s done his own research and vaccines are a conspiracy etc 🙄

Two days later, when it’s clear their child is dying, he’s begging the doctors and nurses to vaccinate his child. He didn’t even know enough about vaccines to understand they need to be administered BEFORE you catch the virus 🤦🏻‍♀️ and needed several hospital staff to explain the vaccine couldn’t be used as a “cure” for someone who already had it.

My poor friend had to watch that child, and many other people, die unnecessarily due to stupidity around vaccines.

OP’s friend sounds equally awful for compromising for a “holiday” vaccine but not for one that could save her child’s and other’s lives.

YABU if you think you can change conspiracy theorists views.
There will be other views with increasing conspiracies.
Sadly the friendship will end sooner or later.

Tell her she is only sensitive because she is the one putting her son's life at risk and she knows it.

If I was her I would do it in an openly critical/aggressive way. You are being a dick to put your child's life at risk. Why would you do that? It doesn't need to be passive aggressive with these idiots. Tell them straight.