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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toilet training went badly today?

74 replies

Madmamma2026 · 14/02/2026 20:05

First attempt at potty training DS, almost 3.

Have a seat on the toilet and a step up.

Explained about new big boy pants, let him choose them etc.

Accidents every 15 mins. Before we got a chance to take him to loo. Cleaned him up without a fuss. We know he can hold it in when naked so took pants, trousers etc off.

Mixed reaction to sitting on the loo but did it and got a sticker a couple of times.

By about 11 he’s said he needed a pee, asked to go and did it in toilet. Lots of praise and a chocolate treat as a reward.

He was then hungry and tired and was obviously wanting to go and asked for pants and trousers on. We explained that he should tell us if he needs a pee even with pants and trousers on. He perd in them. No drama, cleaned him. Nappy pants on at nap time after lunch.

He woke up grumpy and we cleaned him, pull ups off and left him with nothing on from waist down again. Sat on toilet once but no pee. Was obviously needing a pee and poo. Asked for pants on and did a per and poo in them. We cleaned him without a fuss and just put on pull ups as he wasn’t wanting to sit on toilet.

Sticker every time he sat on loo. Lots of reminders.

Is this a bit of a fail? It feels like progress because he did it once so is capable but was hoping he’d repeat.

AIBU for being disappointed? Any tips?

OP posts:
MiniCoopers · 14/02/2026 20:07

It’s progress in stages. One day you get every 15 mins, next 30 mins etc. it’s where straight away

Mistysmom · 14/02/2026 20:08

Following with hope of some answers! we are going through the exact same thing with our toddler. Hes been potty training since October and still is having accidents. In school hes fine, just at home and its really stressing us out now. Sending solidarity

Happyher · 14/02/2026 20:09

I think you’re expecting a lot of him in a day! I think you may have stressed him a little. We kept a potty downstairs for my DC to get to quickly when needed. It can take days and sometimes weeks with lots of accidents before they understand and can control themselves

SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough · 14/02/2026 20:32

I trained DD when she was 18 months (second try). The thing that worked for us was fully committing to no pull ups. Your day 1 was a lot better than our day 1,2 and 3! Honestly it took 2-3 weeks before it really clicked and I was confident to take her out the house without worrying about accidents.
At first we did chocolate button every time she peed on toilet. Once that was nailed it became a chocolate button for a poo! The accidents are the learning though.

It sounds like you are doing everything right. I did get firmer after week one when I knew she understood what to do. I stopped using "that's okay" and "don't worry, it just an accident" etc and replaced with "pee pee goes in the toilet not on the floor". It just takes time and consistency.

WhatNoRaisins · 14/02/2026 20:34

It sounds normal to me. Potty training is hard and I think a lot of people give up because they don't realise that it's very hard, often very messy and takes longer than they'd hoped. You're doing fine.

cestlavielife · 14/02/2026 20:35

Keep going for 10 days.
Report back.
Dont give up after one day
Accept there will be lots of accidents

Abd80 · 14/02/2026 20:36

You’re expecting too much if it’s only their first day. Have you looked at the Eric website for support and info. A non-profit charity with evidence based info I find helpful.
eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Original poster
Madmamma2026 · 14/02/2026 20:39

Happyher · 14/02/2026 20:09

I think you’re expecting a lot of him in a day! I think you may have stressed him a little. We kept a potty downstairs for my DC to get to quickly when needed. It can take days and sometimes weeks with lots of accidents before they understand and can control themselves

Thanks. You might be right. We have a downstairs loo that’s really close.

Hes better with the toilet. It’s not that he didn’t make it, he seemed to just choose to pee if in his pants.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 14/02/2026 20:41

I think what can happen in time is that they learn that going in their clothes requires a time consuming clean up compared to using a toilet or potty. This can take a week though.

Jopo12 · 14/02/2026 20:48

Does he see you or other parent go to the loo? If not he needs to.

If he does then, just let see what to do and eventually he will all to do it himself. My son was 3.5 when he asked to sit on the loo for a wee. And that was his potty trained, no accidents ever.

There were a few signs it was coming, when we were out and about he would ask to go to the toilet and he'd go into a cubicle to have a wee in his nappy.

For your sons comfort and feelings, you should keep him in nappies until he's using the toilet. It can't be nice for him weeing in his trousers all the time.

marcyhermit · 14/02/2026 20:50

No pants tomorrow then.
Give him loads to drink, blackcurrant squash, so he gets loads of practice.
Loads of praise, stickers and chocolate buttons for using the toilet.

MidnightPatrol · 14/02/2026 20:51

One of the worst parts of parenting small children.

Took about six months for my DS to get it. A lot of laundry.

Try it for a week, and if it’s still like this just leave it for a bit. Are nursery trying too?

Rainallnight · 14/02/2026 20:59

Is there a reason you’re not using a potty?

User79853257976 · 14/02/2026 21:01

It’s the pants. They feel like a nappy. We went pant-less for the first few days, then commando and introduced pants about two weeks later.

That said, accidents are part of the process. Each one is a learning opportunity.

Peridoteage · 14/02/2026 21:01

I always thought you are meant to do 2-3 days with no pants to break the habit of just ignoring signals and peeing whenever?

I did a couple of days naked below waist.
Then a couple of days with very loose joggers with no pants.

marcyhermit · 14/02/2026 21:02

Rainallnight · 14/02/2026 20:59

Is there a reason you’re not using a potty?

The child is almost 3!

Peridoteage · 14/02/2026 21:03

Oh and have about 6 potties. Have them in every room. Build the association that wees go in the potty or loo, not in pants/nappy.

Rainallnight · 14/02/2026 21:07

marcyhermit · 14/02/2026 21:02

The child is almost 3!

Show quote history

Potties maximise the chances of success and reduce the fear factor, even at 3.

itsobviousright · 14/02/2026 21:08

Potties. Absolutely no pants on for the first 2 days. Prompt to potty every 20-30 mins. If he sits on the potty at the 30 min mark and no pee, pop him back on after 5 minutes. Basically they are like puppies - take them to the place where they need to pee regularly, dont give them the chance to have an accident, and once it clicks they will be away. It should be a simple 3-5 day process when they are ready

YorkshireIndie · 14/02/2026 21:12

Can you try bare bottom/naked? Took my DD out of nursery for a week and she spent most of it naked. Think she had one accident a day. She had to go to the dentist mid way through which was 3hrs round trip. Did a wee before leaving, in knickers for the journey (including a sleep) and then a wee before we left and then a wee when we got home. We then spent the Friday at a castle and again no nappy. Refused to go into the toilet but would do an al fresco wee 🤷‍♀️

Brainstorm23 · 14/02/2026 21:21

I think it's fine. Tomorrow might be better or it might be worse so the key is not to get too stressed about it. He'll get it eventually.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/02/2026 21:45

Jopo12 · 14/02/2026 20:48

Does he see you or other parent go to the loo? If not he needs to.

If he does then, just let see what to do and eventually he will all to do it himself. My son was 3.5 when he asked to sit on the loo for a wee. And that was his potty trained, no accidents ever.

There were a few signs it was coming, when we were out and about he would ask to go to the toilet and he'd go into a cubicle to have a wee in his nappy.

For your sons comfort and feelings, you should keep him in nappies until he's using the toilet. It can't be nice for him weeing in his trousers all the time.

For every kid who does it this easily when they're "ready" there are a half dozen who start school not knowing how because their parents skipped teaching them how to do it because they needed the support.

"Ready" was a concept invented by Pampers. As is the advice to keeping nappies whilst trying to give up nappies!

It takes time for most kids, OP. Sounds like the first day went well, just get in the mindset of "it's a couple of weeks of a bit more laundry".

MimiSunshine · 14/02/2026 22:21

Thoroughly recommend the Oh Crap! Potty training method.
it does say nearly 3 is ‘late’ but ignore that as you can’t go
bs k in time.

basically the first thing a baby experiences after birth is a nappy going on. Peeing and pooing in a nappy is totally normal to them and actually very comforting.
you need to break the brain patterns and recondition them to not do that.

so that means a couple of days of being naked and expect accidents.
have a potty in the room with an absorbent mat or towel under it.

just get them to the potty even if if they’ve already started peeing.
then build up to pants.

my just turned 2 year olds cracked it in
a couple of days.

GoldMerchant · 14/02/2026 22:27

Agree with everyone who says keep the pants off.

He's used to the feeling of going in something. It feels different to going on the toilet/potty. You need to get him used to the latter. By giving him pants, you're giving him mixed messages. Also, pull ups aren't an option except at nap/sleep time.

Also when you say, "not making a fuss" are you saying anything like "that's ok"? Because some kids will here that as "this is ok to do" when it's actually not ok. So while you obviously don't want to berate them for the accident, it is worth firmly saying, "wee goes in the toilet." And making him stop what he's doing to help clean up. The potty needs to be the best option.

user4534 · 14/02/2026 22:27

I think they actually sounds quite good for day 1! He is recognising when he needs to go as he’s asking for pants to wee in. Just keep going, as much pant free time as possible, not too much pressure

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