Toilet training went badly today?

[Madmamma2026]

First attempt at potty training DS, almost 3.

Have a seat on the toilet and a step up.

Explained about new big boy pants, let him choose them etc.

Accidents every 15 mins. Before we got a chance to take him to loo. Cleaned him up without a fuss. We know he can hold it in when naked so took pants, trousers etc off.

Mixed reaction to sitting on the loo but did it and got a sticker a couple of times.

By about 11 he’s said he needed a pee, asked to go and did it in toilet. Lots of praise and a chocolate treat as a reward.

He was then hungry and tired and was obviously wanting to go and asked for pants and trousers on. We explained that he should tell us if he needs a pee even with pants and trousers on. He perd in them. No drama, cleaned him. Nappy pants on at nap time after lunch.

He woke up grumpy and we cleaned him, pull ups off and left him with nothing on from waist down again. Sat on toilet once but no pee. Was obviously needing a pee and poo. Asked for pants on and did a per and poo in them. We cleaned him without a fuss and just put on pull ups as he wasn’t wanting to sit on toilet.

Sticker every time he sat on loo. Lots of reminders.

Is this a bit of a fail? It feels like progress because he did it once so is capable but was hoping he’d repeat.

AIBU for being disappointed? Any tips?

I've no idea what Eric is lol. As I said about a week for mine to be pretty much reliable starlight to toilet so I was lucky there.

s for feet on floor for a poo? Isn't that just similar to feet on the step or using the squatty potty

I think you might be right that he choose to pee in his pants, some kids do. But it's only day 1!

You might want to make the reward stronger if chocolate doesn't work.
We didn't want anything food based so got a massive box of little toys on Vinted (little animals and farm stuff), put it somewhere visible in the living room as a reminder, and he could pick on each time it was successful.

"Success" evolved with time, at the start it was sitting down on the potty and trying. Next day it was doing a wee in the potty. After couple of days it was no accident for the day etc.
Took about 2 weeks to get through the box lol, but he loved it and was definitely motivated to get the next toy he had seen to complete his farm.

The knees are much higher if using a potty than if using most steps for a toilet, making it easier to poo. Same as an adult should use a stool for the toilet too really.

It was day 1! Don't stress him out.

As I said in my PP , the squatty potty lol

My son had loads of accidents on day 1. Don't think he even got one wee in the potty. By day 3 he was dry but pooed in his pants for 2 weeks then just got it. Clean ever since. Just keep at it x

Have you had any success with ERIC advice?
GP and HVs keeps referring me to it (when we already knew about it). It feels more like they are fobbing us off tbh, as I couldn't really find anything useful to us.
A lot of the references on there seem to be about SEN children, which isn't applicable to us.

Our 4 yo still refuses to sit down for poos, even now that the constipation issue is slowly getting better.

Are you doing regular sitting? He won’t be able to know when he’s going to need a wee or poo just yet. Every hour, before and after meals, every time you swap between activities or go out or come in… sit on the loo for a couple of minutes. Take something to do. Have a jar of jelly beans visible. Jelly bean for doing lovely sitting. Jelly bean for doing something in the loo.

Make it a nice chatty time, take a toy, have some books.

@Bearbookagainandagain i will be honest and say I found them quite judgemental and the only really useful advice they gave me was to keep the potty. And it’s nearly impossible to get through to them. Thankfully DS is now five and mostly toileting is fine. We did have nearly two years of regular soiled pants though.

Yeah I did the taking to toilet thing as well. Might've been half hourly first day the 45 mins 2nd etc. Nursery also did the taking hourly with kids that were being toilet trained

@marcyhermit No. It’s a standard thing to consider. When dc don’t like a wet nappy or poo stuck to them, that’s a clear sign they could be ready for potty training. If they just continue, in nappies or pants, to be oblivious to being wet and pooey, they just are not ready. Their feelings are not connecting wet and messy and how to avoid it. It’s that simple. There needs to be a connection where child wants clean dry pants and how to achieve that. Forcing them to care because you want it, rarely works and can take a very long messy time. Best to back off - as my GP explained when DD did a milestones check many years ago! They don’t all develop at the same pace for everything.

You really don't need to wait for 'readiness' or for a child to dislike being wet.

No you don't need to wait for this apparent sign, there's no such thing. Some children never have a problem with being wet, yet can be potty trained. It's no coincidence that when washing nappies was common, children trained far earlier. We've gone backwards as a society when it comes to potty training children.

Some people have! When people talk about training, so many are not successful. It goes on for months. The dc are not receptive to the training. I’m not saying dc should be 4, but many children do express a wish to sit on a potty eventually and early training with no result just leads to angst all round. If a little boy is just 3, it’s not late. It’s normal. Better to do it in a short time rather than spend months failing. When I worked in education 35 years ago we saw quite a few untrained dc at age 4/5. Some people never bothered.

Just 3 is late as human training goes. We've normalised it in the west, but 3 is very late worldwide. Nappy companies normalised late training and now we're seeing the consequences.

I agree. It's totally cultural. 3 seems normal here because we have disposable nappies, full-time nursery and an industry pushing hard to sell more nappies.

Globally and in human history, it is very unusual.

I find it very hard to believe that in the days of Terry nappies anyone was looking for signs of readiness from their toddlers. Our physiology hasn't changed since then, just our norms.

Why is he weeing every 15 minutes!

I read somewhere that on average most kids take about 3 months to be fully potty trained!

this can’t be true! Both mine had one or two accidents in total. At around 2yrs 3-5 months. Maybe you’ll all leaving it way too late.

Oh well, if your children only had a couple of accidents that must be true for everyone 😂

3 months sounds pretty accurate to go from full time nappies to reliably able to take themselves to the toilet.

Quite 🙄

This thread doesn’t disappoint; any MN thread about potty training invites unpleasant comments about lazy parents.

This is also one of the reasons why lots of parents leave it so late in my experience.
They've been told that their child needs to show signs of readiness and then will basically train themselves with no accidents - so they eventually try one day and the child pees in their pants so they stop, clearly not ready.

Some children may get it with barely an accident, but in 20 years of childcare I'd say the vast majority of children take weeks or months to be fully trained.
Really not unusual for a children to have an accident every day at first, and not at all unusual for children to have occasional accidents up to 4 or 5.
And often the older children struggle most emotionally with potty training.

I think that's par for the course for day 1 OP! How did it go today?

I meant the kids need support learning, not the parents. The parents are convinced by the idea that the kids won't need help learning, and never resign themselves to a couple of weeks of training. My son learned at 22 months, had days like this at first, then cracked it by week three. Yesterday he took himself off to his potty with a book whilst I made breakfast - but it took me supporting him to learn all the different parts of it.