Toilet training went badly today?

[Madmamma2026]

First attempt at potty training DS, almost 3.

Have a seat on the toilet and a step up.

Explained about new big boy pants, let him choose them etc.

Accidents every 15 mins. Before we got a chance to take him to loo. Cleaned him up without a fuss. We know he can hold it in when naked so took pants, trousers etc off.

Mixed reaction to sitting on the loo but did it and got a sticker a couple of times.

By about 11 he’s said he needed a pee, asked to go and did it in toilet. Lots of praise and a chocolate treat as a reward.

He was then hungry and tired and was obviously wanting to go and asked for pants and trousers on. We explained that he should tell us if he needs a pee even with pants and trousers on. He perd in them. No drama, cleaned him. Nappy pants on at nap time after lunch.

He woke up grumpy and we cleaned him, pull ups off and left him with nothing on from waist down again. Sat on toilet once but no pee. Was obviously needing a pee and poo. Asked for pants on and did a per and poo in them. We cleaned him without a fuss and just put on pull ups as he wasn’t wanting to sit on toilet.

Sticker every time he sat on loo. Lots of reminders.

Is this a bit of a fail? It feels like progress because he did it once so is capable but was hoping he’d repeat.

AIBU for being disappointed? Any tips?

I think you are expecting a bit much. He’s been happily doing the toilet in his nappies whenever and wherever his entire life so far so that’s a hard habit to break!
I would do as much bare bum time as possible because when they’ve been in nappies all their life it can take a while for them to associate the sensation of needing to pee with it actually happening and then introduce loose trousers only before eventually adding pants.

Trying a potty might be a good idea as well and my friends son was potty trained quickly in the end but only because he liked peeing in a bottle so they bought a kids urinal bottle for him.

If you really can’t cope with all the accidents then you could do a more gradual approach of getting him to sit on the potty (I find a book to look at helps) at key points e.g. first thing in morning, before and after naps, bedtime, after meals etc and at nappy changes and build from there but this might drag it out a bit if he feels that it’s optional.

I read somewhere that on average most kids take about 3 months to be fully potty trained!

He’s not really ready because he doesn’t mind having wet pants. It’s that simple. When he minds, he’s ready.

Why are you forcing it? A child is not a robot and cant be programmed

We just let then go when they want

because their parents skipped teaching them how to do it because they needed the support.
What 'support' is needed? Are modern parents incapable of doing anything without need a prop, ie 'support'? It's their job but so many are too lazy to bother, someone else will do it for them. I really don't know why some people have children at all

That's the most random definition of 'ready' I've ever heard 😂

Dont give up or give in op.
Toilet training can be hard but we have to stick with it.
Them that say oh he or she is not ready,sorry but i dont beleive that start them early and keep with it, no matter how many wet pants there is.

I say this as i know of a 5 year old a 6 year old and a 3 year old all still in nappies day and night, because the parents say they are not ready.
Not one of them has any sen needs.
And schools wont take the 2 older ones in because they dont have time to potty train them.

My eldest was trained at 3 he had a few miss apps but he was dry day and night at 4.
My youngest was dry all day from 4 but still had wet bed at night on and off till 5.
Still had the rare wet bed till six.

I was told by a mum at the school to just put him back in nappies or pull ups at night, that was not happing i got puppy training mats for his bed, popped it on, bed sheet on top.

oh and had a charity binge buying sheets.
Both in their 20s now but i wont forget them days.

Its not forcing its called being a parent and learning your child the basics.

If im not ready for work do i make my self go or stay home and risk being fired.
This generations parenting blows my mind.
Some kids at 4 dont know how to use a book a fork or basic words because phones and tecno have become the parents, because some parents have forgotten that they are a parent now,
And parents now seem to need surport to learn their own children basic things.
What i read sometimes online makes me think what planet am i on.

I agree with you.

Its like they want the income but dont want the work.

Thry were toilet trained by 3 and a half but yes they were left to do it their way why is this such a bad thing?

Lots of kids who are just left to it don't train themselves though, that's the problem. They start school in nappies and teachers can't cope with toilet training them.

Give him more fluids. He is not drinking enough. Sugar is more likely provoke peeing, It does for me over the years, but i wouldnt recommend giving him lots of sugar. Perhaps squash.

I would definitely recommend having a potty which goes from room to room with you. If you start the day in the kitchen, and then move to the living room or whatever, say to him 'come on sweetheart we're going in the other room do you think you can bring the potty for me?' and encourage him to do it, rather than you doing it, as it's a way of reminding him he'll need it. Then try sitting him on it every 20 minutes or so with some toys to play with, obviously lots of praise when he's successful, and make sure you show him what he's done in the potty, like 'Oh, good boy! Look, you did a wee wee in the potty'. Don't plan on getting a lot of chores done or anything, simply plan on spending the week devoted to training, and watch him like a hawk, so if he starts to wee, just pick him up and pop him on the potty. Don't hide the potty away, and don't invite friends round because you're bored, just give it the time and concentrated attention, and it won't take too long, but if you aren't prepared to do this, then you'll find it will take much longer, and is quite likely to become a battle ground, because you'll get frustrated, and your DS is likely to sense it and rebel.

We’ve just been through this with our three year old. First two days she just weed every 15 minutes. Was horrible. Third day, it was 20 minute gaps. Fifth day 40 minutes. After a week, it was every hour. Now we’re six weeks on and she’s reliably dry. Poos were much harder. Had to bribe her to poo in the potty, but after a week of that she got it and we wound down the bribery to minimal/non existent.

It is disheartening when they just don’t seem to get it but it is called potty TRAINING for a reason. It’s a skill they’re learning and it takes time. We didn’t do the naked from the waist down thing because I didn’t want wee on the rug, so we had padded pants first and then moved into normal pants. The padded ones are good because they can feel that they’re wet but with less risk to the soft furnishings.

Also echo the PP who says to have a potty that moves with you or just multiple potties. See where he likes to go when he needs a wee or a poo and put a potty there so it’s accessible for him.

The whole waiting thing makes no sense. The older they get the more stubborn they can get and who wants an extra year or more of shitty nappies. Yuck.

You have to teach him that you pee in toilet. For example, every time he needs to go, send him to toilet room. He doesn't need to pee in toilet, just let him pee in toilet room for that association. Put regular pants on him, then you put nappy outside the pants, so you can minimize mess. Each time he pees in pants or you se he needs to pee/poo, teach him "Brian, your body is needing a pee, it's toilet time". Try to send him to toilet before he pees in pants for that association.
Stool step and toilet seat are great.

Google NHS story “Poo Goes to Pooland”
There is a story that you can look at together and I think there is a video on YouTube.

Plus this ERIC story:

https://eric.org.uk/a-wee-and-poo-adventure-story/

It's late to train but you can't go back in time. I think you've had a relatively OK first day.

Spend day 2 in no pants if you can. Make the link between wee and toilet.

Each time make the clean up take longer than peeing on the toilet. They'll soon realise it's less time playing. Don't be cross or annoyed, just factual, and make him help clean up.

Boys tend to be later than girls. If he’s not ready, he’s not. It’s either nappies or cleaning up mess. No one wants nappies for another few months but he’s clearly not caring about having wet or dirty pants either. Cleaning him, and them, is pretty yuk too.

Also at 3, dc can play with toys alone - they don’t need mum. I would not punish by removing toys.

I’d put nappies on and do what I was told to do: say nothing. Change him in silence. No attempt to potty train for at least 2 months. He’s past books and videos. See how he reacts. Children don’t develop at the same pace and all this angst highlights his difficulties. So, put it all to one side and start again after Easter.

Is there a reason TO use a potty? I went straight to toilet with my lot.

You're effectively undoing nearly three years of nappy training which makes it a big deal at this age. He's never had to use his muscles or recognise the sensations, and the pants probably feel comforting like a nappy. Of course it will take some time but he'll get there. I would stick at it, but then I don't personally buy into the readiness idea.

All of mine were around 3rd birthday Longest one took a week to be fully reliable . That was the eldest.

This one day doesn't mean he isn't ready ffs.

You might be interested to know that yes there is, according to beloved ERIC. I contacted them when we had endless problems potty training and I’d got rid of the potty after MN helpfully told me it was disgusting It helps with poo if they have their feet on the floor. Obviously if your child doesn't mind that’s fine. But I’m going to be starting again with DD in a couple of months (had one failed attempt!) and definitely using the potty. She’ll be two and three quarters then.

I wouldn’t give him pants or trousers for a couple more days. You need to disrupt the muscle memory of the feeling of a nappy which allows him to relax and go without thinking about it.

It sounds like he’s done really well to me! Especially for the first day.
my girls are just turning 3 and we’ve been doing the same as you for around 3 months now and we’re just about ready to leave the house with no pull up.
dont forget we’ve basically trained them to wee in the pull up so it’s not training against that, it’s new and confusing.

I’ve seen a few recommendations for blackcurrant- the nhs don’t recommend young children having blackcurrant as it irritates the bladder and can cause bed wetting later on.
they don’t really recommended any squash but blackcurrant is the worse one x