Do you need to remind your husband of Mother’s Day?

[FunnyOrca]

Having a baby has been a long journey, but we became parents recently and this upcoming Mother’s Day will be my first. It’ feels like a bigger deal to me than it is as it fell on my birthday when a baby seemed impossible and it was miserable. I’m also super sentimental and motherhood has sent this into overdrive.

I really want my husband to mark the occasion, but I’m worried he won’t. He sends his own mother a card every year, so I’m hoping he will do something about it when he does that. Do your husbands just
do it? Do they need reminding that a baby can’t buy a card? I got him a birthday card from the baby to sort of set the precedent.

My Ex husband didn't do anything until my Mum told him to. I was quite upset that first Mother's Day. Years later I was the only Mum not treated to a nice day out. The kids made cards at school but were too young for anything else. Since then, my Aunt always made sure she bought me something on behalf of my kids to ensure I wasn't missed out.

My current partner is the complete opposite. He's already booked a restaurant for Mother's Day and sent an invite to my Aunt (he always does this because she's like a Mum to me) The kids now get me gifts, make me breakfast in bed etc. They remember, but my partner also reminds them just in case.

They completely ignore Father's Day for their real dad.

My Ex is reaping what he sowed.

Nope, he’s pretty good to be fair. He’ll book a meal for us all and do all the usual bits. He will mostly ask if there’s something I want as a present but I don’t mind that. He used to give the DC so money and they’d go round Home Bargain buying bits they thought I’d want but they’re older now. They’ll make me tea and crumpets or something for breakfast now.

I always remind my husband and encourage presents for all special occasions 😂. Works v well.

No, I wouldn't remind him.
When the kids were young if he forgot I'd be really upset. But never forget and he made it a priority. Reminding him would stop it being special .

I was not really interested until the kids were big enough to make me cards at pre school. My husband was not my mother so I did not want cards from him. But then again, I grew up in a family that did not really celebrate such things.

If I needed to, I wouldn’t.

I think you’ll feel better if you set expectations that you’re feeling sentimental and wanting a fuss. Don’t leave yourself to be disappointed if his current level is just getting his mum a card. Maybe share some ideas of things you would be touched by. You’ll see loads of people who aren’t fussed by Mother’s Day and that’s fine but you are (and I am too so I get it!) but you don’t lose anything from setting him up to know what you want.

When DC1 was a baby DH heard from some of the NCT dads were doing cards. Somewhat confused he came to me and asked if I wanted him to buy a card and pretend it was from our still non-verbal and certainly unaware of it all baby. I said "no, that's weird" and he didn't.

So hadn't needed reminding no but correctly assumed I didn't want anything until DC were old enough to understand the day and were making cards themselves. They always covered it with making cards at nursery and school so he's never needed to buy a card.

I made the assumption that DH wpuld mark my first mother's day (baby was a few weeks old). He sent his mum flowers but it genuinely didn't occur to him to do something for me. I was so.upset. I got texts and wishes from others that day and still the penny didn't drop. Still, many years later, he says I'm not his mum and can't fathom why I was so upset! Let's just say, Father's Day has always been pretty low key on my behalf as a result - given he's not my dad! Take from this what you will - but hope you have a lovely first Mother's Day OP ❤️

You're setting yourself up for a fall by not telling him. Some people want this some people don't. I'd think it was odd if a baby sent me a card. It's different once they're old enough to make their own. So he wouldn't be a terrible person if he doesn't, he's just different to you.

I would tell him you'd like to do something as a family that day to celebrate your first mother's day so that it's marked whether he gets you a card or not.

Husbands aren’t a homogeneous group!! People feel differently and have different expectations. My husband’s family don’t do mother/Father’s Day cards, but he got me one without any reminder. I wouldn’t say I was bothered either way, but if it was something important to me I would say something if it’s not something we had previously discussed before. Same with Father’s Day, we have a chat about what he wants to do (meal in, fun day out, a lie in, etc.).

I wouldn’t remind him, it’s your first Mother’s Day so wait and see what he does, he might surprise you and that will feel much nicer than knowing you’ve brought it up to him a couple weeks before the date, you’ll know he’s done it off his own back. Although depending on your DH it may also leave you disappointed if he doesn’t but I still wouldn’t remind him. If he usually buys his mum a card it’s not like he forgets the occasion

This is such a pointless test to set him. He might well think like me that it's something for children to mark once they are old enough to understand it and that it's odd for the other parent to do it for their spouse.

Doesn't make him wrong or forgetful or anything. Just someone with a different opinion and if OP wants the occasion marked she needs to say so.

💯

Baby doesn’t understand it’s MD or FD, but he should help as they start grow and understand.

I wasn’t meaning it like a test but I can see it looks that way and I do actually agree maybe it should be mentioned if it means so much to OP because like you say people have different expectations of the day

Mothers can be celebrated whatever the age of their kids

Thankfully no, since I never have any idea when it is.

If he gets his mum one every year it would be a major FU if he forgot you so I would guess you will be ok.

However if it means a lot to you I am a firm believer in articulating your expectations.
I would discuss how you’re so looking forward to it and how special it is to you.

We had an IVF journey and Mother’s Day is a special day to reflect on how lucky we were.

If he gets his mum one every year it would be a major FU if he forgot you so I would guess you will be ok.
Or he would just be of the opinion it is weird for anyone to get a card if their child isn't yet old enough to understand the day. Not a FU, just a different opinion. And a totally valid one.

Be upfront. Tell him that it matters to you and that you hope he will sort something out for you.

If he doesn't know your expectations he can't meet them. You aren't his mother so it may well just not occur to him you'd expect him to buy something on behalf of the baby.

DP thought mother's day cards were things you got from your own kids when they were old enough to make them themselves.

We get each other gifts for mothers/fathers day . We set it out in advance tho - birthdays/xmas around £100 gifts. Valentines a card and meal out. Mothers/Father’s Day around £30. We don’t tend to eat out on m/f day but get lay in breakfast in bed and the other cooks a nice meal.
if you have never discussed it and this is the first one I would talk about the expectations m/f day and agree what will happen going forward then I would expect him to remember.

Mothers’ Day is not for husbands to buy their wives presents, it’s to celebrate/thank your own mothers.

No because dh is far more invested in these sort of days than I am.

He'd be devastated if he didn't get anything for father's day. I'm not bothered about mother's day so I wouldn't care but he's always made a big deal of it.

My issue is that now they're older the boys should really be taking responsibility (or not if they forget), but it's still very much dh planning it all. I reckon remind them a week before and let the chips fall as they may.

I'm not my husband's mother so I've never expected anything from him.

However, he's always got me a card and a small present while buying his mum's, until the DC were old enough to make their own.

Throughout the years we've reminded each other, or asked each other when it is.

If you want something from him then tell him.

Don't play games.

Personally I wouldn't mention it, that also makes life much easier for you when it comes to Father's day.

I'm generaly not interested in special days though to be honest, finally persuaded DH of 26 years not to bother wasting money on Valentines cards this year. First time in over 30 years he hasn't bought me a card and I honestly couldn't care less!