Do you need to remind your husband of Mother’s Day?

[FunnyOrca]

Having a baby has been a long journey, but we became parents recently and this upcoming Mother’s Day will be my first. It’ feels like a bigger deal to me than it is as it fell on my birthday when a baby seemed impossible and it was miserable. I’m also super sentimental and motherhood has sent this into overdrive.

I really want my husband to mark the occasion, but I’m worried he won’t. He sends his own mother a card every year, so I’m hoping he will do something about it when he does that. Do your husbands just
do it? Do they need reminding that a baby can’t buy a card? I got him a birthday card from the baby to sort of set the precedent.

I don't see it as 'making a fuss' though, it would think that he fundamentally didn't understand me at all, like a stranger l.

By making a fuss I mean I want my birthday celebrated. I wouldn’t put up with a bloke who couldn’t be arsed and didn’t value me enough to want to help make my birthday special.

I think we’re probably saying the same thing and I agree it’s pretty basic and fundamental stuff for me.

But there’s thread after thread on here about never getting a card or a gift for their birthday/anniversary/christmas and feeling sad about it but not saying anything to their partner.

Oh, yes, sorry, I think we are on the same page.

Have you not thought of just telling him it means a lot to you, rather than setting an expectation he isn't aware of?

It isn't about reminding him that it's mothers day.

I agree with this. After we had our first child, DH and I talked about what we both thought was appropriate for Mother’s / Father’s Day. We both get a card and small gift.

If you get on with your partner I would just discuss it ahead of time.

Round here there’s posters in every card shop, banners in supermarkets, SM, tv adverts etc! Pretty hard to avoid really….!

I would definitely mention it somehow, he may just send a card to his DM without thinking as that is what people do. I can't remember that DH did send one to me, probably not as he always remembers stuff like this after the event so his family's cards are always late.

I can't be bothered with all of this, my kids make me feel special everyday with random acts, my hubby randomly surprises me with lovely gifts or breaks away thru the year...my preference is that then it's all given thru love not just because it's a special day and society says to do it

You need to tell him that it matters to you. As this thread shows, some people are more bothered than others.

My DH asked me before my first.

Any halfway intelligent man would know to do this without needing to be told

No they wouldn't. DH is perfectly intelligent, an excellent gift buyer and far better than me at marking kinds of occasions.

When other friends of ours with children born at the same time so having their first Mother's Day at the same time were buying their wives cards for that day when the children were still too tiny to understand what MD is or contribute in any way he thought it was a bizarre concept and checked with me.

It wouldn't have occurred to him to mark MD before DC were old enough to comprehend it any more than it would have occurred to me to do the same for FD.

I think sadly even those of us who don’t need to remind our partners are often disappointed with the lack of thought and effort anyway. I have been in tears before. This year he’ll be at football.

Any 'halfway intelligent' woman would know that this is a personal preference thing and not something that a man always needs to do or that a woman always wants.

Mother's Day is very important to me. I could have died having dc1 (haemorrhage, sepsis). Mothers go through so much more than fathers to bring a baby into the world and deserved to be thanked for that. Not to mention the subsequent months/years of breastfeeding, if applicable.

Tell your dh you want to be celebrated by him.

I do understand everyone has different preferences. I am not bothered if dh forgets valentine's day or our anniversary, which other women might care about. I don't mind getting socks for Christmas. But my birthday and mother's day have to be "done" - a nice breakfast, the day all about me etc.

Just tell him in advance that it matters to you.

DH grew up never with it not being a thing in their household. When our kids were born he asked about it. I said honestly a card and acknowledgement about it is enough and is. Our kids are now nearly 5 & 7 and have always given me a card. Since the last MD I have had a terminal diagnosis, I'm not about to snuff it (well hopefully not) but I think I will mention MD with DH shortly and leave it in the kids court to if they want to do anything differently. Especially as I'm sure it will be different for them when they are older and they see classmates talking about their mums or whatever and they'll remember these last few MD's with me here.

Life is very short ladies, if you want something specific on MD and it's a big deal for you tell ensure you tell your loved ones. Don't settle for it hoping and then be miffed on the day like so many women are. Sow the seed now and make your intentions known. If you aren't bothered then fine but don't stew on it if it's not what you want.

Probably would have to, but he’s probably have to remind me about Fathers Day too, so 🤣

OP save yourself some potential heart ache and just set your expectations now. I think it’s fine to do once, if you have to do it every year then no of course that’s not acceptable. Tell him what you’ve told us, if he’s a good man he will listen and that’ll be the last time you have this conversation. Don’t try to test him.

This was my personal experience; my partner’s parents never bothered with Mother’s/Father’s Days when he was growing up so it was only the night before my first Mother’s Day in 2024 that he overheard me on the phone to my dad talking about what he was doing for his wife, that he frantically went out and bought me a bunch of flowers and a card 😂 fast forward three months for his first Father’s Day, I made a massive deal of it (as this is what we always did in my household growing up), and he clearly took it on board as the following year he bought/made me a lovely hamper, organised dinner etc and made a massive fuss. So we’ve kind of set the precedence now moving forward. I think you should just be honest and say if it’s important to you because he won’t necessarily see it like the same way and that doesn’t make him a bad person, he’s not a mind reader 🙂