Do you need to remind your husband of Mother’s Day?

[FunnyOrca]

Having a baby has been a long journey, but we became parents recently and this upcoming Mother’s Day will be my first. It’ feels like a bigger deal to me than it is as it fell on my birthday when a baby seemed impossible and it was miserable. I’m also super sentimental and motherhood has sent this into overdrive.

I really want my husband to mark the occasion, but I’m worried he won’t. He sends his own mother a card every year, so I’m hoping he will do something about it when he does that. Do your husbands just
do it? Do they need reminding that a baby can’t buy a card? I got him a birthday card from the baby to sort of set the precedent.

Never needed to remind DH but all ‘celebration’ days in our house follow a similar pattern, usually centred on breakfast together.

If I had to remind him I wouldn’t see the point. But I also don’t really like token gifts and ‘bits’ from B&M.

No.

Yes, my DH is like that but unlike you I probably secretly would be gutted if my DC didn't get me a card, thankfully my DC are like him and very thoughtful.

You shouldn't have to, but I generally just have a conversation in advance with my dp, because it matters to me and I know I'll be upset if it isn't marked.

Nope. DH is much better at remembering and planning for these things than I am.

I have several panics a year about whether I'm about to miss our anniversary, a birthday, father's day, etc.

My DH has always just done it, which surprised me a bit as he can be a bit thoughtless in other areas. I don't think you're unreasonable to want an acknowledgement of the day especially given your journey to get here - if it matters to you then it matters, there's no right or wrong.

But it's up to you how to handle it - you could see if he does something and hopefully he will, but if you think you'll be very upset if he doesn't remember then the slight dampening of reminding him maybe worth it.

That said, I do much more of the daily grind stuff, facilitating him working late, working away, client trips like snowboarding, stag dos that weekend trips to Europe. I think in part my DH feels he owes me big time and he bloody does!

Unless he is dumb, stupid and walks around with his eyes closed then only would I remind him. It will be front and centre of every store, every advert, social media. If he sends his mother a card then he should be intelligent enough to remember you!
if you need to remind him then I wouldn’t bother

Again, it isn't necessarily about reminding. It's being clear about an expectation of a card from a baby that lots of people, me included wouldn't think to do.

My husband needs to be reminded it’s Christmas so maybe I’m not one to comment.

Do they need reminding that a baby can’t buy a card?

Only if he's really stupid.

I usually mention it in passing a few weeks before, but not as an explicit reminder.

I know with my husband he loves any opportunity to celebrate his loved ones, so I don’t mind if he needs a gentle prompt as to the actual date. I never know the actual date until I see adverts myself (and he isn’t on social media and doesn’t really go to shops) so I can’t really blame him for not knowing.

When our son was born, I did tell him that I expected us to do the present and card “from him” while he was baby/toddler, just because I know not everyone does do it.

Exactly if he can’t make the link that a baby can’t buy it, so HE needs to do it especially when doing it for his own mother then I would have the ick for someone this dumb.

This! I really don’t understand people who sit back, say nothing and wait to be disappointed

I am clear that I like a fuss on my birthday, not as bothered about v day but like a card etc

He knows I like occasions to be marked and I know what he’s bothered about too.

I also don’t understand people saying, ‘oh I don’t like a fuss’ and then getting pissy when people don’t make a fuss.

You’re allowed to say what you want and expect. It’s not grabby or attention seeking.

It's not dumb if it's just a difference of opinion. It never occurred to me to buy DH anything for Father's Day before DC were old enough to be making cards at nursery once they understood it and I would've found it weird if he'd bought me something prior to that.

Not in our house

I’m a fan of using your words and strong communication in a marriage, and not setting little tests then being disappointed and causing bad feelings.

if you want something then tell him.

So you think it’s for school to teach them this and not a parent?

Teach them what? I don't think there's any need to buy something before they are old enough to understand what the day is themselves and if they are making cards at nursery/school then there's no point doubling up by buying one too.

I've never mentioned it, and my ex has always sent DC home with presents. The fact that people's actual partners and husbands don't bother is quite sad isn't it.

It’s Mother’s Day 🤷‍♀️

Yes...... and if the child isn't old enough to understand that I find it a bit odd for another adult to buy a card as if it was from the child.

Lots of people think otherwise and think adults should be celebrating their partners as mothers rather than just their own mothers. Neither opinion is wrong, just different. Which is why if OP expects her partner to buy her a card she should say so because him not guessing that isn't unreasonable.

My husband has always been very good and takes the kids out to choose some bits for me. I don’t have to remind him. Always very much appreciated.

I think there's a difference between reminding him and setting expectations. My DH doesn't care about father's day, so I did let him know that mother's day matters to me. I think it's fair to just let your husband know it's important to you.

Tell him now you want a fuss. With any luck, he'll already be on it, but don't just sit around in silence hoping he'll figure out it's important to you. Also, don't let other replies tell you to wait until DC is older. They might not care about mothers' day gifts from the baby, but YOU care about it. A card and some flowers is the least he can sort out for you, and when his occasion days come around, you can (and have) do the same for him.