To fuck off out for the day when MIL visits tomorrow

[Myeyeisnotokay]

Instead of playing happy families and pretending everything is ok with me and DH?

Apologies as this is a bit of a vent, and I'm still mad so I may sound unreasonable. We've argued tonight, over a stupid thing but DH is refusing to apologise or even engage in a discussion about it. He feels he is justified.
He ended up effing and blinding at the table because Dd4 and Dd6 only picked the sausages out of their casserole and didn't eat any veg.
It's a battle but they DO eat veg - eg they both love broccoli, cauliflower, peas, etc and will generally eat quite well. Won't say they haven't been particularly picky lately and refusing to even try things, which is irritating. But I'm much of the view that we can't force them to eat stuff and threatening them with no pudding unless they clear their plate is just not a healthy way to encourage them.

I specifically told DH not to make comments when I dished up tea today, because inevitably he picks at them and tells them they need to eat a bit of this with that, and have some veg with that bit etc and it's so draining . We can't just have a nice meal. It's just anxiety inducing for the kids I'm sure. he just couldn't help it and kept on and on at the girls until I snapped at him and he was then swearing (mainly at the situation eg. It's fucking ridiculous).

I've told him he needs to apologise to both me and the kids for the way he spoke. He's given a half arsed "maybe I overreacted a bit" but maintains he was justified because their eating habits need to change and apparently I'm too soft (which fucks me off too, as I am not! They don't get alternatives and I'm happy to let them go hungry if they don't eat, and have made lots of suggestion like meals in the centre of the table etc)

I'm livid with him. I realise this all sounds quite petty but it's just one of a string of stupid arguments lately and most of the time we resolve things, but seemingly he doesn't want to this time. I'm not willing to play happy families until he has a proper conversation with me and actually acknowledges why I'm upset with him.

MIL is visiting tomorrow and not a fucking chance am I going to pretend we're all fine so he comes off like he's the perfect husband and father like usual, so I plan to fuck off out. But I fear I'm also unreasonable, as we don't see her often.

Finally, if anybody has any useful tips on how to get little kids to eat a wider range of veggies, PLEASE throw them at me. I am open to new strategies but I won't force food on them!

Hmmph.

Glad you’ve sorted it out for now.

It wasn’t until my dd was in her teens that she explained why she wouldn’t eat veg she liked (eg peas or broccoli) inside a sauce (eg cheese sauce or tomato pasta sauce)- it’s the texture. She’ll eat loads of veg when they’re separate and plain, but not in sauces or gravies. It’s still frustrating because curries, casseroles, etc are so easy on work days and she won’t have them, but I just do her veg portions separately and it works out ok.

When she was little it often worked well to have the things she would eat all out on the table- bowl of tomatoes, sliced cucumber, some peas, some green beans, etc- and she would help herself. I would put out hummous, nuts, or fish fingers as well and she’d end up with a decent balanced meal. If you’re having something the kids don’t like, maybe try doing this? Gives them a bit more control.

My kids would refuse point blank to eat curry, but would wolf it down if it was called spicy stew.
My dad got a very fussy friend of my brother’s, who would only eat cheddar cheese to eat Brie (soft cheddar), Red Leicester (orange cheddar) and emmental (holey cheddar).

Your MIL is coming to visit. You don't see her often. And you're planning to avoid the visit altogether. Yeah, that's bad, dragging her into an uncomfortable situation. Either cancel or be polite.

Weaponising food and potentially permanently demonising veg is not a "perfectly valid" threat.

Food is life, fuel, a pleasure, a lifelong relationship. Not a battleground. Making it one isn't the good parenting flex some think it is. The foundations start here.

Crudités before dinner, raw fruit and veg as snacks, and keep offering small amounts of any veg at dinner. Eat your own, and normalise doing so in peace and calm. It's really stressful, but kids go in phases for their tastes. Getting the vitamins and fibre in and preserving drama-free future meals is what's important now.

As adults we often don't fancy what's on offer either, but it's a smaller part of our day and we often just accept it/make it work for us somehow. When you're 4 and 6 it's a bigger deal. It'll continue to be so if the adults determine that.

So what happened in the end OP?

There is no need to have pudding every day. My two don't have pudding, and if they don't eat what is on offer, they go hungry. My aunt allowed her two to be fussy but eat pudding. They stopped eating any healthy food and just ate sweet foods. Elder cousin v fat, younger has battled with anorexia since early teens, and i've seen that pattern replayed recently woth friends' DC. I take rather a hard line on ensuring decent food and not allowing children to get a taste for rubbish.