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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If it's ok, we'll all come

107 replies

Lights22 · 12/02/2026 19:40

As an autistic mum pretending to be a normal mum around all the other mums pretending to be normal mums, I need your help with this please.

Invitations have gone out for DD's birthday party at soft play. Messages of delight, excitement and acceptance all duly come in. Then this one: "she'd love to come. If it's ok, we'll all come. Me, DH and little sister (3)".

So, is the mum asking for an extra party ticket?? Free entry to soft play + food + party bag, or is she just saying younger sister will just be in tow?

And if it's the extra ticket, how do I skillfully say of course come but pay your own way?

Remember, I'm trying to look normal and nice and kind and not overthinky or stingey. Just setting a boundary like a normal person!

Just to say, when our DD was invited to a soft play party, we all went too but paid our own entry for younger DD, got our own food and kept her away from the party. So this could be what they're thinking too? But if so, why ask?!

OP posts:
Sunshineclouds11 · 12/02/2026 20:46

i would take it that she's just asking if they can come and pay little sister in.
i would make her a little party bag up.
dad is probably coming to follow/play with sibling.

Ilovelurchers · 12/02/2026 21:30

Are you expecting parents not to attend? Or will they be expected to pay an entrance fee?

If you can't accommodate the little girl at the party (if you have no free spaces) just say "of course she is welcome to come to the soft play but we have paid for X number of kids and don't have any free spaces unfortunately."

Or if you can add her on at this point, personally I probably would. I found with parties you often get drop outs on the day, and so it can be helpful to have extras to make up the numbers.

But if depends how the whole thing works, really......

canuckup · 12/02/2026 21:48

So it's a family day out now?

Netcurtainnelly · 12/02/2026 21:51

Just say yes for gawds sake, it's not worth all the hassle.

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 22:03

Id be thinking same as you op

Id probably reply

Great x can come to the party. You can just pay little sister in at the door

stichguru · 12/02/2026 22:05

The mum is being ambiguous probably accidently. There are two possibilities:

  • Most likely, I reckon what she is trying to ask is "have you booked out the whole soft play for your exclusive use, which would mean I can't just pay for my child to play, as there will be no spots outside the party?"
  • She could be trying to get you to pay for her DD, but that would be incredibly rude and hopefully she isn't.
Assuming you haven't paid for exclusive use, I would just say, "oh yes, that's no problem, just pay for your daughter as normal on the way in". Don't feel like you have to include her younger child in food, party bags etc. If, on the day, a child cancels, you could tell the mum her child can take the spot if you want to.
Original poster
Lights22 · 12/02/2026 22:13

Thanks everyone.

I've booked for 15 children and as such paid for 15x entrance, food, party bags etc. so to add the sister means I need to increase my booking to 16, and I just can't work out how it's acceptable to ask a host to do that?

Obviously the place could accommodate it, but why would I invite siblings to my daughter's party and if I do it for one, would I not need to extend the invite to all siblings?

OP posts:
mumofb2 · 12/02/2026 22:16

we have all been here!! I have been that mum who’s paid for the siblings and it’s cost me £££ in the past. Now I turn a blind eye! Usually you party’s are already paid for in advance so just make sure the play centre knows if anyone addional comes they pay and it not to be added to your “bill”

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 12/02/2026 22:17

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 20:42

The message does say “If it’s ok…”

Perhaps say something like “that would be ok, but I only have tickets for DD and her friends so you, DH and little Flossie will need to get tickets when you arrive”.

I think it’s a bit cheeky, myself.

We said this to some of DS friends parents at his soft play birthday, but there were some no shows, so parents who brought siblings didn't end up having to pay in the end so just bare in mind this could happen too OP.

I think the reply I quoted is great, but add that if there id capacity due to absences then you're happy for the child to take a place you've already paid for.

Arrivea · 12/02/2026 22:21

Marble10 · 12/02/2026 19:47

Is it that much of a big deal for an extra little one? I’ve always had spare spaces (eg people who can’t make it or venue for X amount but invited less) cause someone always says this. I feel like a ‘normal
mum’ would say no problem but an ND one would say something like what you’ve put.
If it really is a problem, you could say the party is only booked for X amount so little sister will need to buy her own ticket. However that comes across stingy and weird IMO.

You know soft play parties are about £13 a head, right? It's not stingy to not pay for siblings when probably 50%+ of invitees have a sibling within a couple of years of them who may well tag along. An extra party bag would be generous enough if you're happy to provide one.

keepingitcoolagain · 12/02/2026 22:21

YANBU I do think she’s angling for you to provide for the sibling because why say ‘if it’s ok with you’ when it’s a soft play they can pay to enter regardless.

She should have said ‘X is so looking forward to coming, me, DP and little sister will pay to go in while she’s there, so shout if you need any help during the party’ if she wanted to be clear she’s not after a freebie.

I’d just reply - ‘great that X can come, all the party spots are taken but if you’re happy to pay for entry for the 3 of you while the party is on we’ll see you there, otherwise we will of course keep a close eye on X for you”

pizzaHeart · 12/02/2026 22:24

how old are kids and will you need any help at the party ? Have you asked parents to stay?

Pleatherandlace · 12/02/2026 22:26

I think anyone would find her message unclear so
I wouldn’t worry about that. Surely though the party kids names will be written on a clipboard at the front desk and she will just have to pay for any extra children she brings. Just make sure you’re already in the building before she arrives!

idontgetitdoyou · 12/02/2026 22:32

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/02/2026 19:44

I don’t think she’s expecting you to pay. Just say ‘yeah of course, pretty sure you can just pay on the door, we look forward to seeing you’. She’s probably just checking you don’t mind siblings being at the party, and it’s in a public place so I’d guess that’s fine.

I think this first post nails it. Bless you OP you sound lovely. I’ve hosted a lot of kids soft play parties and this is quite normal and I doubt anyone will expect you to pay for the other kids but do make it clear as the PP says.

idontgetitdoyou · 12/02/2026 22:39

No you do not need to extend the invite to all siblings. Don’t overthink it. This mum has thought they might as well make a day out and bring DH and little sis. Plenty of people do this, you don’t have to worry about other siblings.

somanychristmaslights · 12/02/2026 22:51

You don’t need to increase the numbers to 16. Before you say to the mum she can pay on the door, check you actually can as a soft play near me you have to book online. So check that and the message her back saying they’re welcome, just pay on the door or book tickets on line. You’re massively over thinking this.

TofuTuesday · 12/02/2026 23:00

I would just say ‘ ok, see you there. Can’t add her to the party itself but will make sure there’s a spare party bag at the end.’

Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 23:06

2026new · 12/02/2026 19:51

How incredibly condescending about ND people, it’s not one size fits all. It’s actually quite offensive.
Are you always quite so ghastly ?

There's always one c**t 🤣🤣🤣 pay no notice OP! Some good suggestions, hope party goes well x

Cherryicecreamx · 12/02/2026 23:18

I would throw in an extra party bag as I think it's a small expense to make a child feel included.

And it's hard to say exactly but I wouldn't have thought she was expecting you to pay for the additional ticket as she wasn't the one invited.
I feel she is more giving you a heads up she will be there but goes without saying she will cover the cost of the rest of the family.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 12/02/2026 23:26

I think this is quite normal and I don't think she was asking for you to pay. I think its a little unusual both parents are going. In my experience this situation usually arises when a parent alone has to drop off one child and it's easier pay for the second and stay rather than drag away an upset younger sibling who can't understand why they aren't allowed in.

To be 100% clear you could say something like 'that's great! When you arrive just let them know Kate is with the party so you'll only pay for Emma, but she is welcome to play with the others once inside'

bridgetreilly · 12/02/2026 23:30

Is there a separate room for the food etc? Because if so, you can’t just assume that you can add to the numbers in there. They can all come to soft play, pay for the sibling snd their own drinks. But the actual party is for invited guests. You need to make that clear.

MissBridgetJones · 12/02/2026 23:30

@2026newread the room.

HelicoPie · 12/02/2026 23:32

If this is a local soft play / she has two kids she knows she’s paying for the other kid (coz she’s been to soft play before probably many times - if not this one then other ones). I’d just thumbs up or say - “great” and leave it. More parents there is helpful anyway - they are in charge of their kid. You don’t need to tell them how to get lunch or buy tickets. Yes do some extra party bags or just some wee stickers and a peice of cake for siblings if you can but don’t stress. Don’t need to have the same stuff.

TheRuffleandthePearl · 12/02/2026 23:36

Marble10 · 12/02/2026 19:47

Is it that much of a big deal for an extra little one? I’ve always had spare spaces (eg people who can’t make it or venue for X amount but invited less) cause someone always says this. I feel like a ‘normal
mum’ would say no problem but an ND one would say something like what you’ve put.
If it really is a problem, you could say the party is only booked for X amount so little sister will need to buy her own ticket. However that comes across stingy and weird IMO.

No, it really doesn’t come across as “stingy and weird” Confused it is completely normal for extra siblings to be paid for by their parents at a soft play.
Bit different if you’ve hired a village hall and numbers don’t matter so much, but that’s not the situation here.

Lavender14 · 12/02/2026 23:41

If it were me op, just say yeah no problem the more the merrier, I think the rates for x's age are £x but maybe double check with the venue.

I wouldn't expect you to pay if it were me, but I'd also ask what she's asked incase there's a limit to how many can attend for venue restrictions etc and plus some people like a party to be invitees only.