To let myself go grey

[sunshine244]

I hate hairdressers and always have done. I'm neurodivergent and can't stand the noise and the need for random chat. My hairdresser is lovely but I just find it awkward and a sensory nightmare. I've had the same issue every other hairdresser too. I have a similar loathing for the idea of going for a massage or getting my nails done (neither of which I've ever done).

I'm now mid 40s and the greys are starting to come through. Apart from issues with stray course hairs sticking up noticeably sometimes I don't really mind. I'd much rather have greys than deal with hairdresser more often or faff with home dying kits.

However there's only one other person I know my age or up to 60s that's not dying their hair and it does make them look much older. I also worry I'll not be seen as professional as although I work in the charitable sector everyone my age seems to dye their age.

Yabu - force myself to consider hair dye

Yanbu - go grey and ignore everyone elses opinion

Really depends on how much grey you have. I am maybe only 10-15% grey on a pretty dark base and it doesn't look hood. However, I have recently bleached my hair and am using grey toner and it looks amazing. If you are more than 60% grey, it can look quite striking especially if you use toner over that at home.

I voted YANBU but personally I will be having highlights until the very end!

Eh, I’ve been going grey since my mid-twenties. I really don’t care, and I can’t be bothered to keep up with the maintenance, cost and chemicals of dyeing it.

I know plenty of women who just embrace the grey. I'm one of them as well.

Honestly, sometimes you have to ask yourself the question, would a man worry about this?

I resent having to conform to illogical things because I'm a woman.

I'm afraid I find the idea of a person's natural hair colour being 'unprofessional' utterly ridiculous

I have to agree with this, who thinks grey hair is unprofessional?

I'm the same as you about hairdressers so I've been dyeing my hair at home for years just using a box dye. It's quick, easy, looks great and is much cheaper than a salon anyway.

I think embracing the grey is fine if you have shorter hair. Which means more frequent trips to the hairdressers to get it cut. I take it you wear your hair long?

Why is embracing the grey only acceptable for short hair?!

A home box dye really couldn’t be easier.

But go grey if you want to. You won’t be alone as lots of women do it nowadays. I’m too vain; I think I’ll be getting mine dyed until I’m very old.

The most professional and professional looking woman I know is going grey naturally but ultimately it's whatever will make you feel good.

It does really annoy me. But my office has around 50 people. More than half are women and only two in their 60s have any grey hair. It's all beautifully perfectly coloured and styled hair.

The men on the other hand just wander in balding and greying quite happily.

This, x 💯.
People's hair goes grey. If you don't want to dye it, don't. I let my hair go grey and it's not hindered me professionally or socially.

So are there office conversations about the connection between hair colour and professionalism? What's making you equate the two?

My Auntie let herself go grey before she turned 50 and she looks stunning. It somehow makes her look younger.
Do it!

Go for it. You don't have to dye your hair and I doubt it'll impact your job!

I think it's interesting - it really can make you look younger. I think it's the contrast really. Often a lot of dye jobs look very ageing.

That's a good question. I think it's my worry about the flyaway greys. My hair is shoulder length dark blonde and very fine. The greys are more wiry and sometimes stick up a bit or go wavy. I use serum and it's fine at the start of the day but I often catch sight of myself at lunchtime and feel it looks a bit scruffy.

That doesn't look "unprofessional" though? I'm sure that the flyaway bits aren't as obvious to other people, particularly if you're using serum?

Have your hair how you like, it is nobody's else's business.

I'm early 40s, very dark hair that is going steadily more grey. I don't dye it - I had highlights for a while but got bored, I'd rather be salt and pepper.

My boss is about my age and has considerably more grey, but dyes the lot. The inch or two of grey roots before she does it again always looks worse than if she left well alone and was grey all over, imo (not that I'd ever dream of saying so to her)

Going grey is alot more common than it used to be. Do what feels best for you.

I don't know what to say really, I've never had job where people spent time considering their coworkers hair😁

Is it a charity thing?

It depends on your natural hair colour, your complexion and the shade of grey you are. I let my roots grow out in my last pregnancy and, frankly, they looked pretty awful because they were a kind of harsh, steely grey that made my complexion (fair, warm) look grey/green almost and made me look weird.

I just use henna. Simple, no worry about chemicals, accuracy or hair damage, and it’s covered all the greys while conditioning my hair and making it absolutely shine. It looks like me and my complexion looks normal not sallow and ill.

Why don’t you try doing it at home before you write it off as a “faff”, then you’ll be able to make an informed decision.

Bizarre - I've never heard it suggested that grey hair is "unprofessional". Quite the opposite impression - women who go with their natural hair colour look more mature and hence more experienced, professional, and aren't basing their look on what is superficially appealing to men.

There is a huge difference between hair colour and hair style, of course. Your hair can be neat in any colour, though it's easier to achieve with short hair.

I stopped dying my hair in 2014 when I was 43- due to a sensitive scalp. Now at 54 I am still the only one of my group of friends that doesn’t dye their hair and it doesn’t bother me now, it did for a couple of years at the start. I’ve never worried what others think.

My ex boss went completely grey during Covid times (she was grey before but couldn't be bothered with dyeing it at home). She was 40/41 and looked awesome and no one ever commented.
I am/was strawberry blonde so I am going white and quite like my "super blondes" but sometimes box dye the back of my hair a light blonde as I mostly wear it up and it can look a bit mismatched. Only do it for my own preference though and never particularly my professional look. My professional brain is inside my head and not outside!

I hate the stripe. I don't have much grey currently, use casting colour semi perm as couple of times a year which fades out, however if I had highlights or permanent colour, I think my existing grey would be more noticeable at the roots as it grows out.