To let myself go grey

[sunshine244]

I hate hairdressers and always have done. I'm neurodivergent and can't stand the noise and the need for random chat. My hairdresser is lovely but I just find it awkward and a sensory nightmare. I've had the same issue every other hairdresser too. I have a similar loathing for the idea of going for a massage or getting my nails done (neither of which I've ever done).

I'm now mid 40s and the greys are starting to come through. Apart from issues with stray course hairs sticking up noticeably sometimes I don't really mind. I'd much rather have greys than deal with hairdresser more often or faff with home dying kits.

However there's only one other person I know my age or up to 60s that's not dying their hair and it does make them look much older. I also worry I'll not be seen as professional as although I work in the charitable sector everyone my age seems to dye their age.

Yabu - force myself to consider hair dye

Yanbu - go grey and ignore everyone elses opinion

I’m mid sixties and yet to embrace the grey. I have it mid/darkish brown with a few highlights. My complexion suits this colour.

Nothing ages people like dyed hair, so many think granny brown looks good when it just brings their aging face to the forefront.

I’m under 60 and stopped colouring my hair 2 years ago. All my hair is natural colour now.
It’s still mostly dark at the back but I have some lovely grey bits framing my face now.
I don’t care if people think it ages me. I’m the age I am and if someone doesn’t like it they’re welcome to avert their eyes.
The only person who has commented negatively and expressed she dislikes it is my mother who still dyes her hair in her 80s but hates to admit her age or be thought of as old. I think having a child with grey hair makes her think people will suss out she’s not in her 40s 🤣

I'm 46 and have loads of grey and haven't coloured my hair in 2 years. I really like it. I agree with others that obviously dyed hair can look harsh and ageing

Tell me more about these grey toners though....

I tried it and quite liked it to start with, then my grey started coming through in weird patches so now looks like I’ve had a bad dye job (ironically!)
I’m booked in to get it coloured in two weeks

Same here.

Dyed hair aged me. I look much better with my hair greying as it should - if anything it makes me look younger as artificially coloured hair can be aging. And in any event, I am happy to look like the middle-aged woman I am. Nothing wrong with getting older. Not everyone gets the opportunity.

That’s funny! My mother wasn’t happy about having a grey-haired daughter, and she has never dyed her hair and used to wax lyrical about aging gracefully!

I’m 36 and letting myself go grey 😅 more through lack of knowledge rather than an active decision. I LOVE grey hair in colour but the texture is horrendous. Apparently I need blow outs which sounds expensive. DS is 8 and has had a few grey hairs since he was like 4…!

I agree. For that reason I've stopped even tinting my hair as it never seemed to compliment my skin tone. I don't even think about it anymore.

My cousin had been dying her hair to cover greys since her early 20. She stopped because of Covid and in her mid 50s discovered her hair is completely white. It looks amazing!

You do you OP and you shouldn't feel the need to comply with others choices. That said, I have regular hair dresser appointments for cut and colour /hilights and always will.
It makes me feel better.
I voted yanbu because I believe that you need to do what is best for you.

Your hair, your choice.

If the stress of the salon is the only thing stopping you, I’d have an honest conversation with your hairdresser and just say how challenging you find it and you’d love to schedule your appointments for first thing or last thing in the day etc and to not have to chat. Requesting a quiet appointment is totally a thing. Alternative is you visit a home hair dresser or have them visit you.

I'm 63 and never dyed my hair, but it's turned almost blonde, a mix of white and brown. For the coarseness I recommend Aveda Miracle Oil - it's made my hair sparkle and smoothed the grey texture. It's expensive but I only use a drop the size of a lentil before drying.

Well if she is completely white then she is lucky. However, most of us have white hair missed in with our original colour, which doesn’t look great.
OP, have you thought of having a hair dresser that comes to your home? I do this as my neck can’t stand the sinks at the hairdressers.

Exactly.

I was dark blonde too OP. During covid I stopped colouring my hair thinking that if I didn't like it grey I could sort it out when lockdown ended.

My mum went white and I thought that might happen to me but what I ended up with is a mix of blonde, white blonde and grey that I absolutely love. People ask me if I've had a 'balayage'. I had to look it up.

Another thing was that I'd always had fine, flyaway hair but now it's coarser it seems thicker and sits where I put it. I'm in my early sixties.

I'd say try it and see, you might be well pleased with the results.

That’s so funny. I’m convinced it’s because they hate people thinking that they’re “old”.
Mine tries hard to deny her age. I don’t understand the issue myself. I try to tell her that growing old is a privilege but she won’t have it.
Everytime she looks at my grey hair, it’s a reminder 🙈

I’m 62 and am embracing the grey and shock horror have shoulder length sure too 😀

I went grey at 49 . Nobody in my life wanted me to but I wanted to as I was chasing roots almost weekly . I went from darkest brown to salt and pepper. I’ve never ever looked back and when I see old photos now my dark dyed hair looks like a deeply unflattering helmet . If you want to be grey be grey it’s just another colour.

My hair is/was medium dark brown, thick and fairly curly. It started greying slowly from my 20s and the odd grey hair at intervals looked rubbish, so I dyed it. As the volume of grey built up, I started getting the dreaded stripe as my roots grew out and I just couldn't bear it. I've let my grey keep advancing, and it's now probably 40-50% grey.

I don't really want to change the colour because I'm happy accepting the grey. My hair is even coarser though, and has ramped up its natural tendencies to be dull, frizzy and unkempt looking. Unfortunately I am very slack about grooming and lack the time/skill/money to tend to it very often. Would grey toners help make it look a bit less lifeless and crap or would they be pointless until I'm all grey? I don't want to bleach it at all

Do what you prefer!

I can’t stand all the “rules” on these threads. Only if you have over a certain percentage of grey, only if it’s short, only if you don’t mind looking older. We should worry more about making ourselves happy and less about judging others.

Im 40, I stopped dying my hair a year ago. I have lots of grey, it’s a bit patchy. I would prefer it if I had solidly grey/silver hair, but it doesn’t bother me more than the upkeep of dye did. I probably look my age or maybe older. Who cares, getting old is a privilege.

I had my hair dyed every 8 weeks or so at the hairdresser and in the end, I started reacting to the chemicals so had to stop. I did go for a much shorter cut and just grew it out. Now I'm totally grey, mix of darker and light, and I'm just used to it. And whilst it is aging, so is a menopause mahogany box die as frankly no one has grey-free hair in their 50s and 60s. The dye looks too harsh against skin tone to me. I don't think you can win either way, to be honest edited to add that I'm 55.

I went grey during Covid & followed Silver Revolution on FB to keep a positive mindset, I was done dyeing after 30 years of it. I’ve kept mine long too & love it now. I think the stray, course ones aren’t as noticeable once colour is natural. I say go for it, no more hours and £££ at the hairdresser - you might even wish you’d done it sooner x

It’s interesting reading this, as I remember posting on a similar thread a couple of years ago and saying I was very happy to go grey. It reached a point where I didn’t like it though, so my hair is now dyed!

I started out with a cool stripe that I liked, but as it spread out I found it washed me out. It does depend on skin tone and so on. A friend of mine has very golden skin and pure white hair and looks amazing.

I agree. I’ve not found anyone treating me differently . What would someone say - you are grey. Er yes I am. Well actually someone did who hadn’t seen me for ages , not a very emotionally intelligent person and I said yes I am. Nothing terrible happened. I probably should have said yes so are you, what you actually mean is you’ve stopped dying your hair.