For letting a 16 year old walk home?

[Floofatron]

Difference of opinion with DH…
My 16 year old DS is going to a party tonight. It will finish at 11pm ish. He asked if he can walk home with his friends (three others, they are 15 and 16) rather than be picked up like we would usually do. They are all staying at ours. It’s about 45-60 min walk through a fairly peaceful town. He is sensible but I imagine there will be a bit of alcohol at this party. He has a tracker on his phone.
AIBU to let them?

YABU - you should pick them up
YANBU - it’s fine to let them walk

With 2-3 friends I think it’s fine. Wouldn’t be keen if he was alone.

I would feel comfortable with this because they’re all staying at yours so you’ll know they’re home safe. It’s worth asking your son if the other parents are ok with it as they may be assuming you’re picking them up

I have a DS the same age. I would usually pick him up, but if he wanted to walk home with friends I would let him.

If he was alone there would be no way I’d let him! Apparently another group is walking in similar direction too.

I am slightly worried the other parents are ok with it but I don’t have their numbers. I will ask my DS about it.

Wow as the mother of teenage girls the response would be different no way isn’t it sad we have to treat them differently.,

With friends I can’t see an issue.

Mine wouldn’t be. At 16-17 they are more than capable of walking home in a group.

I have a DS the same age and I think that’s totally fine to walk. I also would (and do) let him walk alone from parties or mates’ houses at that time if he’s local (so within 15 mins or so) as long as he tells me when he’s leaving. We are all on a location app x

With friends yes I would.

At 16 both my kids (boy and girl) made their own way home from parties and usually not in a group. I did too at that age, heck I had already moved away from home by then.

i wouldn’t. Purely because you hear of so many random attacks just now (including when there is more than one person) & someone with a knife won’t care how many there are. Quiet peaceful town sounds safe & should be & chances are they would be absolutely fine but my own paranoia combined with them drinking i’d pick them up & it would be non negotiable. When they are 20 or living away from home you can’t stop them
& won’t always know when they are out but at 16
& all staying at my house i’d go - i wouldn’t be able to relax or sleep anyway. Thats just me, maybe 10-15 mins i’d feel differently but i think male or female i’d say no but i’m clearly in the minority.

Different times then wasn’t it.
A fight was with fists - not machetes and mobs.
Girls were still unsafe albeit no where near to the levels we have now .
I have two boys . I am more fearful for them in the big world than I ever envisaged .

This 👆

Of course it's fine!!

I didn’t think I was a particularlily helicopter parent until I did dd15s first proper party pickup at 11pm and realised I was one of only about 20% of parents picking up. The others were all stumbling/walking home, often in groups. Our town in about 5km from one side to the other so some of them would have had a fair old walk.

Where are you hearing about these random attacks? Are there actually more or are they just hitting your social media algorithm?

I'd pick up or get an uber for them. That's a long walk in the dark, the only other people about are likely to have been out drinking too. If they bump into an unsavory group they could find themselves in trouble. Plus it's February so likely to be cold and wet.

Mine always walked home or got night bus. I was never their taxi!

the school boy stabbed on his way home from school. The Nottingham attacks.few years back couple of boys attacked in mistaken identity going for a take away. We hear of it more but it definitely happens. I’m not saying it’s a weekly occurrence but it can happen in quite towns too. Add in teenage boys with alcohol etc it’s not worth the risk to me. Doesn’t matter that it is 99.9% not likely to happen with my kids (whilst i know & can pick them up) thats what i would do. I’m sure no one expects it to be their child. I don’t have social
media. Violent attacks are a thing even during the day now so not worth the risk imo. What if they get so drunk they get lost or stumble on a road? My opiniom remains no. As i said i’m
in the minority and fine with that - my children so my non negotiables 🤷‍♀️

Do you not watch the real news ? Or read papers? Or gain an insight into what is happening in this country?

I would be super anxious about it but would force myself to let them. My daughter is 13 and I don't let her out on her own after dark yet but at 16 i know I'm really going to have to as she'll be off to Uni/College/something a year later and needs to have some sort of practice. She's doing self defense classes now though so I know she has some level of knowledge on keeping herself safe.

I think I'd want a text when they head off though and to have a 'no judgement' option for asking for a lift home if it feels unsafe or someone had a bit too much to drink.

When I was a kid, yes. My own kids were that age only a few years ago. I was definitely still worried something would happen to them but I made the conscious decision to just let them have their independence. Nothing has happened to either of them and they were often out past midnight on their own during the weekends. We live in a city and there are always people about though. I think I'd worry more if they had to walk home somewhere very quiet.

I let my son do that from 16 if he had someone to walk with. It’s good to help them to trust themselves and be confident as the time when they may go off to uni and have to be self sufficient comes round quickly. It’s also good for them to get used to looking out for each other.

No school or college tomorrow?!

Will they be rowdy and getting into mischief on the way back if they have had a few drinks? Or worse one or more of them drunk? I would get him to ring when they are leaving and try to judge how sober they are and whether they still think walking is a good idea, it may also be freezing and raining and may not be so appealing.