For letting a 16 year old walk home?

[Floofatron]

Difference of opinion with DH…
My 16 year old DS is going to a party tonight. It will finish at 11pm ish. He asked if he can walk home with his friends (three others, they are 15 and 16) rather than be picked up like we would usually do. They are all staying at ours. It’s about 45-60 min walk through a fairly peaceful town. He is sensible but I imagine there will be a bit of alcohol at this party. He has a tracker on his phone.
AIBU to let them?

YABU - you should pick them up
YANBU - it’s fine to let them walk

I have a teen the same age and I would be picking him and his mates up - but that’s me everyone is different.

Also a party on a Thursday night? No school in the morning?

@Tohold nope.

You've slightly missed my point. I think it's reasonable to start letting them walk home at 16 in the area that they/you are familiar with, where they are coming back to the family home, and where you are minutes away if they feel unsafe, so that when, in a year or so, they are doing that in an unfamiliar place without the safety net of returning to the family home with parents on standby, they are at least doing so with some experience.

Interested to know what trouble you think a group of tipsy 16 years olds could get into when walking home that would be reduced by having much larger numbers of tipsy 18 year olds on the streets instead.

For me it would depend on the area but you will know about that. As parents we make informed decisions.
For me the worry would be 3 teens who have been drinking staying over especially if you don’t really know the parents.

They don’t have school in the morning for those concerned about that. 😅

I trust my son and haven’t had reason not to yet… this will be a good test of that! I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep before they get in but that’s my problem not theirs.

Oh, you definitely won't be able to sleep. Unfortunately the sleepless nights that you thought were over once toddlehood was over do resurface when they become mid-teens. If it's not because they are out and you are worried, it's because they have friendship issues and you are worried, they are experience their first heart break and you are worried, it's just basically a few years of worrying for you and growing and learning for them.

I really don't understand the weird approach to risk some people seem to have 'i will ferry my DC everywhere until they move out just in case something happens to them'

What about when they leave home?

Will you let them have driving lessons?

Much more likely to get injured in a car accident, especially with another teen at the wheel, than a random stabbing.

As pp have said, this is parenting based on own anxiety rather than reasonable risk.

If they know they can phone you if they have problems and you can trust them not to get into a car with someone whose been drinking, I don't see why not let them learn some freedom/ responsibility.

Same here As a 17 year old I lived alone so obviously walked home alone in the dark

I reckon you’ll be called anyway to say that you need to come and pick up the group because one of them has passed out / can’t stop chucking up through drinking too much

Attacks on random people walking home are very very rare.

The party is actually much higher risk - most violence is between people who know each in some ways, like two young men both at the same party who have mutual friends and get into some argument.

(I'm not saying the party is dangerous! Just that walking home really isn't the high risk activity that some people seem to assume it to be)

Most crime has fallen by 90% in 30 years – so why does the public think it’s increased? - Policing Insight

Plus it's February so likely to be cold and wet.

They're old enough to know that it's likely to be cold and wet and dress appropriately. If they don't, that's their lookout.

Sounds like an excellent opportunity for them to improve their independence ahead of leaving home in a few years time

I'd let my 16 yo walk home alone regardless of gender. In fact, I'd be surprised if they even asked permission at that age.

You’re a cheerful person aren’t you? 🤣 I shall be sure to let you know.

Or realistic about a group of 15-16 year olds at a house party where you know they’ll be alcohol and they won’t be going back to their own mum and dad!

Do me a favour .

😂😂😂😂😂

Happy to report that all four are back safely! They have just come in and are currently ransacking my fridge (I’m in bed). Thanks for all your replies!

I'm glad to hear that they're all back in one piece!

I never molly-coddled my sons who grew up in inner London but must say that I couldn't have gone to bed in your situation before four 15/16 year-olds were safely indoors.

I think at 16 they are likely to be going off to Uni in two years so yes, they do need to be given increasing independence over this period. A group is unlikely to come to too
much harm in a peaceful town.

i am fearful there are children going off to Uni having never crossed the road alone.

Hell no.
My (none white might be relevent) - teenager has been attacked in broad daylight walking back from school - twice - in a nice area.
No way will they be walking an hour, getting home at midnight.

I can’t see any issue with this

I was going to pubs at that age. It’s fine