To be frustrated with my friend and her dog?

[user1471553275]

I love my friend and we have great fun together but I'm losing my patience with her a little bit so would appreciate some outside perspective.

She has a 6 month old puppy (sausage dog). He's cute and I love dogs. I went with her to collect him and she's incredibly attached to him. Which is part of the problem for me.

He has no sense of asking to go out to the toilet. She has made no attempt to toilet train him as far as I can tell. He's peeing and pooping constantly in her house. She brushes it off with "he's still learning" - I get it to a degree. Puppies have accidents as do adult dogs sometimes. But he's not learning because she's not teaching him. She also says "well it's just small". I have not had a single visit in the 3 months where he has not peed or pooped in the house. I can smell it. She's laughing it off because it's a rental but I don't think it's funny or fair to the dog at all. She's also told me sausage dogs are harder to train. I see no attempt at training.

My friend wants to go to a pub quiz as she is quite lonely. The dog must come with us and only dog friendly is an option. I just don't want to be in places are with her dog peeing/pooping inside. It's just not nice. He pooed in a flower shop last week. She thinks it's funny because he's a baby.

The other issue I'm frustrated with is that she has not left this dog alone at all. Not to nip out for milk, or to the post office - literally both 5 mins from her house. We spoke about it last week as I have said to her she's setting herself up for a difficult future. She did the same with her previous dog but I put that down to her being anxious that she could be out and he might pass away as he was an older chap. I didn't realize that this would continue with the new dog. We went out last week because she had an appointment and I drove her there. She had to arrange someone to come and watch him. The toileting issue was also a problem with the old dog. I assumed he was having "accidents" as he was older but now I'm thinking he was maybe never trained either.

In the past when we'd go out there was constant clock watching and on several occasions we ended the night (for example not having pudding when I'd fancied it) because she wanted to get back for her dog or she just cancelled last minute because of the dog. It drove me insane and I just feel like it's all going in that direction again.

She's aware that it's her anxiety and this is being projected onto the dog. He was upstairs with me last week whilst she let a workman in and he was clearly distressed. He was howling and pacing within seconds of her leaving the room. She's done everything the breeder told her not to do. He's sleeping in bed with her, lays on her all day long and she lets him chew shoes, socks etc so no boundaries at all.

Despite her saying she'd make a start with leaving him last week when we had a chat so that they could start building up time it's clearly not happening. She wouldn't even come out to pick up a takeaway with me and a friend last night and we were less than 5 mins walk from the house.

Everything revolves around whether she can take her dog. I don't want him in my car (he peed on my kitchen rug 2 weeks ago) or to be inside somewhere when he can't control his toileting. I know he can't help it because he's not been taught but it's still not nice.

I don't think it's a good idea for me to raise my concerns again because she doesn't listen. She says all the right things but it's history repeating itself. What would you do. Just avoid situations? I feel bad because we are friends and I know she's lonely but I don't want to be around a whiny dog that can't control its bladder/bowels.

Does she live alone @user1471553275 ?

Couldn’t be friends with someone like this. Letting it shit inside someone’s shop would have been the end for me. Dump her.

Of course dashunds can be trained. She shouldn't have a dog if she can't train it.

I wouldn’t be friends with anyone who laughed off her dog toileting in a rented property or shops or friends homes/pubs. People like that are why some businesses don’t allow dogs in their premises. Who wants to go to a pub and be faced with a pile of dog shit. Irresponsible, inconsiderate and massive hygiene problem. Yuck.

I would be saying either she toilet trains the dog or leaves it at home but you aren’t going out with her and the dog. She just sounds like an idiot.

She is really not being fair on the poor dog.

At 6m it's going to be more difficult to house train the dog as it's got the idea that inside is the place to wee & poo. House training has to start from the day that you bring a new puppy home &, if you're consistent, putting puppy outside as soon as they wake up from a nap, after eating, & generally about every 30 minutes when they're awake, praising them when they 'perform' in the right place, ignoring the odd accident, but clearing it up quickly, they should be clean within a few weeks. Similar with leaving puppy - leaving them for only a minute at first & building it up slowly, by 6m puppy should be ok to be left for an hour or so.

As PP have said, it's your friend's dog, her problem not your's. You are perfectly in your rights to say no to having the dog in your car & refusing to attend a pub quiz where you are likely to have the embarrassment of the dog disgracing itself in the pub & you being asked to leave.

As a responsible dog owner it makes me mad when other people don't train their dogs - it gives us all a bad name.

Your friend’s home is thoroughly unhygienic and that is a major turn off. I would certainly not be allowing the dog in my home or car unless it was fully toilet trained and I would accompany the friend plus dog into any shops, pubs or restaurants either. It’s ridiculous. I am a big dog lover and honestly it doesn’t take long to toilet train a dog. They are super smart. People that don’t care enough to put in the work shouldn’t have pets.

My property is in New Zealand. Entirely legal there.

I mean daschunds are notoriously hard to train. We have one and 18 months later we are just about there but he still has a few accidents from time to time and I wouldn’t trust him entirely with soft furnishings. The difference is that we have TRIED and been consistent even when it’s been an absolute grind.
And we do leave ours (though we have other dogs to keep him company which helps). He didn’t like it at first but tough love was necessary in order for us to have a life/go to work.
They are super clingy, super cuddly dogs if you let them be which your friend here has.
I think you have had the chat with her. You can’t do much more. If it’s too much for you then you should step back because it seems unlikely she she will change.

In fairness, dachshunds are notoriously difficult to house train and many are still having accidents at well beyond six months.

BUT that’s very different to a dog that’s just being allowed to toilet wherever it pleases because the owners can’t be arsed.

Check the new tenant rules as it has become much harder to say no to pets.

Exactly - this is what you need to be saying. Spelling it out for her why you wont be going with her and the consequences of her actions. That's not cruel - I have a dog and would be mortified to take her anywhere if she defected and urinated everywhere indiscriminately. Dogs need training - its good for both their behaviour and their brain growth.

You friend is the one being cruel to her dog.

“He's sleeping in bed with her, lays on her all day long and she lets him chew shoes, socks etc so no boundaries at all.”

So this poor dog is joined at the hip to your friend (doesn’t she have to go to work at all?) and in fact, while she thinks she is being a loving owner, she is actually being very unkind and neglectful. I wouldn’t have a friend that I could never go out with without a dog, and whose dog was liable to be an embarrassment to everyone when she did go out with it. Has she no concern for other people’s feelings? If I were in a pub and a dog took a dump, I would have a great deal to say - and I’m surprised she hasn’t been banned from shops and pubs where it’s happened. What possible justification does she have for taking a dog into a flower shop in the first place? She sounds as though she’s totally unfit to have a dog - and I certainly wouldn’t want her as a friend. I think she would have been in no doubt about what I thought about her lack of training of her dog after the flower shop incident, and I absolutely would not go anywhere with someone whose dog was liable to pee and poo in inappropriate places, even though it’s not the dog’s fault.

Be prepared for her to choose the dog of course! My mum did when I got slightly (and I mean slightly) irritated that hers jumped up incessantly at me when I went round and I couldn’t sit down. Her solution, don’t round then. She also says hers can’t be trained.

I think you may be projecting, just a bit! Op is t a landlord, she’s describing how the issue affects her.

The poor dog needs to go to puppy training classes. Why don’t you suggest it to her, if she laughs tell her that by 6 months he should be toilet trained and you’re getting to the point where you can’t have him in your car or home as the accidents stink and it’ll ruin your car / home
our puppy was well toilet trained by 6 months, she’s rarely at home alone, but we can leave her and she just sleeps.
how’s the dog when walking? Can it go off lead etc, these should be trained into the dog early on

Thats actually illegal now - make sure your deposit covers carpets/flooring so you aren't bitten again.

She's right that Dachshunds are harder to toilet train than the average dog. But all the more reason to be strict. I've had this breed and crate training was the only thing that worked Oh, and they also like to eat their own shit so you've got that to look forward to.

Your friend is being cruel to her dog by never leaving it alone. The poor thing will have terrible separation anxiety it's whole life if this isn't addressed.

Dachshund are no more difficult to train than any other breed. It’s your friend OP that’s the problem.

She is ridiculous. She’ll destroy the dog.

Maybe point out that she CANNOT take a dog that isnt toilet trained into public places and she has to either train him or get him used to being left alone. She’s a nightmare and can’t have it both ways! Imagine being in a pub eating your meal and a dog shits on the floor near you. She’s selfish and lazy

Just keep the friendship going via phone/text - I’d be swerving all meet ups with the dog.

”The pub? No thanks, Louise - don’t fancy sitting outside in February and you really can’t take the dog inside when it isn’t toilet trained. We’d be thrown out!”

”Can you come over? Not with the dog as I don’t trust it on my carpets.”

”Your house? No thanks, Louise - not while the dog isn’t trained…..

Just tell her how it is - as politely as possible. I wouldn’t want to meet up with her either in those circumstances.

I’d say you’ll go to the quiz once the dog is toilet trained. It could be done in a week as a puppy, can be done in a couple now. Suggest woofz dog training app. Training can be really bonding and satisfying.

Her poor dog training isn’t really your business. All you can do is manage the impact on you. So not letting the dog in your house/car is completely reasonable. Managing where you go with her due to the dog is also fine . If she doesn’t like it she needs to change things for herself

There is a window when you can train your puppy pretty easily. After that it gets much much harder. That window has closed..
The breed she has is also notoriously self possessed and very hard to houstrain from the off.
The rod she is making for her own back is huge!
She could almost get away with taking it everywhere, because it's small and cute, but only if it's beautifully behaved.

I had a friend who got a dog and behaved like this. I don’t see her now because it was unbearable. I sometimes hear how she’s doing through mutual friends, although they don’t see much of her now for the same reasons. I don’t think she really cares though, because the dog has become her entire world to the exclusion of all else. Not healthy.