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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want both people?

79 replies

Wishthingswerenouting · 10/02/2026 17:09

Sticky situation. I’ve been dating a number of people recently. Suddenly found myself inundated with offers (I know!) and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve basically narrowed it down to 2 people I’m interested in. But the problem is neither know about each other and I’m finding it difficult to “choose”. We’ve not had conversations about being “exclusive” but I can tell the assumption is there to be exclusive soon if not now. Neither have asked if I’m seeing anybody else and I’ve not volunteered the information. Both know I’ve been dating various people over the last few months. The thing is I’ve spent my life in relationships and have very much been enjoying the freedom of dating around. I’m just feeling a bit guilty right now (not sure why as I’m single) and also a little pressured to cut someone off - but I don’t want to.

person A - lives far from me (approx 3 hours), great job that can be done from anywhere, very attractive, seems to tick all boxes, funny but not AS funny as person B. Prioritises me “being happy” and is clear on what they want from life. Adventurous but tied down to where they currently live for the time being due to caring for elderly family. Has discussed moving when the time comes.

person b - lives 5 minutes away, decent enough job with set shifts, very attractive but not my usual type, ticks plenty of boxes, very funny, also prioritises my happiness but we’ve not yet had deep life discussions, very caring, very adventurous loves to travel. No ties but a few mutual ties in our pasts which make me feel a little awkward.

WWYD? I’ve been on 2 dates with each. Person B has spent more “none date” time with me purely due to distance. I don’t actually want to choose at this point. But the net is closing in as both are raising an eyebrow when I’m not as active in replying when I’m with the other.

yabu - make a choice and settle down
yanbu - stick to dating both and wait to see how it plays out

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 13/02/2026 10:34

Tell them the truth and see what happens Op, you'll see a lot about them from their reactions. If you just say you can't do Valentines Day with either of them and why they'll know where they stand

pocketpairs · 13/02/2026 17:36

Absolutely disgusting..

SpringTimeIsRingTime · 13/02/2026 18:38

KimberleyClark · 13/02/2026 10:11

Me too. Bit of a red flag that.

OP is the red flag.

Any interested young man would expect to go out on a date with his new love interest on St Valentine's Day.

The fact that OP proposed going out for a Galentine dinner is telling him she's not romantically interested in him and sees him as a friend.

DancinOnTheCeiling · 13/02/2026 22:22

Too soon to tell. Just be honest with both. I think the way they respond to what you say will tell you a lot about them too. If they go needy/clingy/jealous when you’ve only been on two dates that says a lot. If one of them is secure and confident in the knowledge that if you’re the right person for them it’ll happen, even if you continue dating both for a little while, that in itself is very attractive and speaks for the person being quietly confident/secure within themselves.. which is a plus.

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