To want both people?

[Wishthingswerenouting]

Sticky situation. I’ve been dating a number of people recently. Suddenly found myself inundated with offers (I know!) and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve basically narrowed it down to 2 people I’m interested in. But the problem is neither know about each other and I’m finding it difficult to “choose”. We’ve not had conversations about being “exclusive” but I can tell the assumption is there to be exclusive soon if not now. Neither have asked if I’m seeing anybody else and I’ve not volunteered the information. Both know I’ve been dating various people over the last few months. The thing is I’ve spent my life in relationships and have very much been enjoying the freedom of dating around. I’m just feeling a bit guilty right now (not sure why as I’m single) and also a little pressured to cut someone off - but I don’t want to.

person A - lives far from me (approx 3 hours), great job that can be done from anywhere, very attractive, seems to tick all boxes, funny but not AS funny as person B. Prioritises me “being happy” and is clear on what they want from life. Adventurous but tied down to where they currently live for the time being due to caring for elderly family. Has discussed moving when the time comes.

person b - lives 5 minutes away, decent enough job with set shifts, very attractive but not my usual type, ticks plenty of boxes, very funny, also prioritises my happiness but we’ve not yet had deep life discussions, very caring, very adventurous loves to travel. No ties but a few mutual ties in our pasts which make me feel a little awkward.

WWYD? I’ve been on 2 dates with each. Person B has spent more “none date” time with me purely due to distance. I don’t actually want to choose at this point. But the net is closing in as both are raising an eyebrow when I’m not as active in replying when I’m with the other.

yabu - make a choice and settle down
yanbu - stick to dating both and wait to see how it plays out

Sorry youve been on 2 dates with each? Am I reading this right? And you're talking about expectations, moving when the time is right in the case of long distance man? Wut?!

Eta: if two dates is a accurate they are virtual strangers and you're being Billy Bonkers.

Two dates and they don't like it when you don't reply to messages quick enough? I wouldn't have either of them based on that

Edited to add... two dates and they object to you going out with your friends on any day of the year you like? Run a million miles

Ditch the one who said that, he's getting all possessive when he has no right.

And for what it's worth, I've done the not choosing thing, it doesn't work, it ended with 3 people getting hurt.

I'd go with option b personally, long distance also really doesn't work.

It was B actually 😂😂😂. But A has also made jokes like “cut everyone else off or I’ll cut them off for you” tongue in cheek sort of thing.

I guess if I “risk” losing both I’m happy single anyway! But I do like both that’s the problem.

You sound like you prefer A but the distance thing is a problem?

I'd dump B - I think he's just the easy option. Keep dating A and keep seeing other people until you know what you want to do.

Neither sound great after your update about Galentines. They both seem a bit too invested after two dates, to explicitly tell you they want you to cancel plans with friends. If you like them both, I'd risk pissing them off and just carry on dating them until you get to know them better. Or better still, ditch them.

Getting jealous would be harsh to say, but both have joked about not wanting to “share” and sort of sent memes about not letting anyone else access me if that makes sense.

After 2 dates? Bin both and raised your bar, they're testing red flags to see if you react.

It seems weird you’ve only had a couple of dates with each get you are allowing either/or/both to dictate events such as Valentine’s. You need to be a bit more assertive here, pull back a bit, calm it down, and properly get to know both.

Also, three hours isn’t remotely long distance.

They sound like they might both be life bombing you.

how is your relationship history? Have you had an previously abusive relationships?

This is eerily familiar….

I would pick neither man and go on lots more dates with lots more people.

None date time?

I assume you mean non-date time, but given you're in the very early stages of dating, what does that even mean? Surely all the time you spend together at this stage is a date?

I have been in this position a few times (I’ve been single for a looooong time). I actually decided that I like being single and just dating without a full blown relationship.

long distance relationships rarely work so I would probably friend zone this guy or at least tell him that you don’t want anything serious due to the logistics. Carry on dating the other guy for now but maybe tell him your not in a rush to jump into a serious relationship as you are still ‘finding yourself’ after your last relationship.

As the years have gone on I have found it harder to date more than one person, I am not great at texting multiple people and would likely send the wrong message to the wrong person (I have done this a few times). It’s also harder to find dates these days, mainly because my standards are higher and I enjoy my own company way too much.

Just take your time? It's early days. But, be honest with them, if they want more from you that you're not willing to give, then don't feel pressured into it. However, honesty leaves them free to decide what they want to do in their own lives regarding dating.

And long distance is fine if both willing to make an effort and it can be quite cute. Certainly look forward to seeing each other. My OH and I were long distance for about 3 years, we took turns to travel to see each other. And 18 years later we're still together.

This. Good men don’t joke like this. How dare they! You don’t now and wouldn’t ever belong to them to ‘share’. Having multiple people interested is flattering but careful you’re not left thinking they are the only options, I’d get rid based on this chat.

Would you be happy if they are chatting and meeting other women though?

I think if your not ready to exclusively date then you tell both of them that. See what happens. If they don't like it then your free to go back to dating other people.

Neither.

You are not theirs to share.

It's really bad that after just two dates either is getting possessive - bin them both and enjoy being single

Ask yourself who you’d choose if both of them lived nearby or if both lived far away.

If it goes all the distance you could have kids with one of them. Which of them is going to be kinder, and help out with the supermarket shopping while you’re stuck at home in a sick-stained tracksuit with two kids?

Always go for kindness and decency.

Nice problem to have, but!

You sound like you're not ready for a relationship..

Go for the funny one

This. It all seems a bit premature. To be honest I don’t think I’d date the LDR man, too much hassle and you don’t want to be cut off from friends and family.

Other alternative is you find someone else.

You’ve been on two dates with both of them, you barely know them. What makes you think they both “prioritise your happiness”?!
Quite an assumption, really.

Yep!

If they are trying to say what you can or can't do after TWO dates, that concerns me.

You can do what you want on Valentine's day, just like any other day of the year, and if they don't like it they can lump it!