Neighbour damaged his car on my drive

[lghtnght]

I moved into my new house 3 months ago and after a few weeks, I noticed that the neighbours across the street were reversing onto my property when they left their house. The road is pretty narrow, so they can't really turn around without reversing onto my drive. Plus, another neighbour parks his car (in blue) on the pavement by their house, which makes it harder for them to pull forward and turn around.

It would be much easier if they just reversed onto their own drive and drove out from there. I don't know why they haven't done that yet. I didn't want to start any drama or fall out with them. I had never talked to them before today and wasn't sure how they'd react if I brought it up, so last weekend I decided to put some garden rocks in the corner instead. Just to clarify, they're on my drive, not on the pavement, in case anyone wonders. So, the neighbour knocked on my door earlier and said that his car got damaged because of the rocks. He insists that they were half on the pavement (not true) and half on my drive.

He asked why I didn't tell him I was putting them there so he could avoid driving over them. He said if there was a problem, I should have just talked to him. I told him it's my drive, on my property. Why would I need to inform him? His car wouldn't have been damaged if he wasn't using my drive… He got really aggressive with me, saying that the previous owners never had any issues and that he's going to call the police and a solicitor about the damage to his car. I haven’t heard anything since. I can't believe I'm even writing this. I’m not sure what to do now! I do feel a bit intimidated by him. Am I being unreasonable?

It's perfectly reasonable to not want someone to use your drive. OP thought he would see the rocks and not use it, not continue to use it despite the rocks.

I get that it doesn't bother you, and that's fine. But it does bother me! Are you implying that just because it doesn't bother you, it shouldn't bother me either? I really don't understand this point of view. We're not the same person!

How are they still doing it if you have gates there?

That's true, of course. But you could easily have popped over there and told him you didn't want him to use your drive anymore. You didn't, because you knew it would make you seem petty. So instead you put rocks out and he ended up damaging his car.

He was wrong to assume he could use your drive without permission, and wrong to threaten the police etc. But really, you've also acted like a dick. You didn't want to seem petty, so you did something petty instead and then pretended it was nothing to do with the original pettiness.

You are both shit neighbours.

Why is it the act of an asshole to stop someone using her drive when they don't need to?

It's reasonable, of course. But perfectly predictable that he wouldn't see the rocks. If he's been using the drive every day, he probably didn't expect it to have changed. It's not good driving, no, but we already know he's not a good driver because he can't reverse onto his drive.

It just would have been more grown up to let him know that her drive was no longer available for him to use. She didn't do that because she couldn't face having an adult conversation.

The title should be reworded to “I planted a trap so that my neighbours car would get damaged. What’s the problem with that?”

Because they're neighbours. It would have been better to have had a conversation.

If it was random strangers using her drive, fair enough. But this is her neighbour and someone who she will probably have to live with for years to come. Why not just have a conversation?

Pointless rubbish post, maybe read back to yourself in future.

You would really have an issue, and make a neighbour move a car, to avoid them dragging a bin across part of your driveway once a week? One day you might need your neighbours, OP. Even if I thought you were reasonable about the car, the bin thing is the most basic of things you ignore about a neighbour if it does no harm or damage.

I think I'd avoid you and the guy across the road if it were my street.

Honestly, I don't care if this has soured the relationship. I mean, what relationship? This man was a stranger to me until yesterday when he started banging on my door. He never even said hi or acknowledged me, let alone helped out in the 3 months I've lived here. He was happy to use my property, but that's about it. So, what am I really missing?

If the other neighbours don't like me because of this, then so be it. I wasn't born to make everyone happy. Plus, I don't want to be friends with people who judge me based on hearsay or whatever. I judge people by how they treat me, not by what someone else has said, or their experience! I think I'll be just fine!

I wonder why OP started this topic anyway. It's not like the many comments have made her do a bit of self-reflection. Not sure why she is even asking if she was unreasonable when she clearly thinks she isn't. She is constantly pointing out that the neighbour is a twat and I don't think anyone disagrees with her on that. It's her actions that people have commented on that she seems to gloss over.

I was referring to the neighbours car on the drive, not the bin.

That's really unfair.

Nothing will come from it. You could have built a wall there if you wanted, a rock on your land isn't an issue.

Honestly... to say your underhand is ridiculous. It's your property and your drive. If he cannot drive into his driveway by reversing he probably shouldn't be in charge of a car 🤣 Yes you could have said something but you didn't want to rock the boat. He is entitled. The only thing he needs to worry about with the regards to the police is a knock on his door about him being abusive to you! Does he live alone @lghtnght or do you? If he is abusive again I would log it with the police to make sure there is a paper trail. Could you park your car at the end of the drive so he can't miss it?! Also, why doesn't he politely ask Mr blue car not to park there?!

That's wrong though.

Honestly... to say your underhand is ridiculous. It's your property and your drive. If he cannot drive into his driveway by reversing he probably shouldn't be in charge of a car 🤣 Yes you could have said something but you didn't want to rock the boat. He is entitled. The only thing he needs to worry about with the regards to the police is a knock on his door about him being abusive to you! Does he live alone @lghtnght or do you? If he is I would log it with the police to make sure. Could you park your car at the end of the drive so he can't miss it! Also, why doesn't he politely ask Mr blue car not to park there?!

It's alright, though, because she doesn't need neighbours or friends and doesn't care if everyone on her street thinks she's a twat.

Seriously, I think it's a shame that people don't care more about their neighbours. We live in such a weird way. I know many of my neighbours along the street, at least to say hello to, which means it feels like a community. I think we need more of that, and less of the individualistic "me me me" culture that make people like the OP think they don't need to be connected with others.

OP, I’m wondering: knowing what you know now, if you could go back, would you still handle it the same way, or would you approach it differently?

Why is it unfair? That's what happened.

You are within your rights to do this but it does seem like you deliberately put rocks in the specific corner he drives on in order to damage his car, rather than speaking to him or putting up a really visible fence, which is an interesting choice! Yes he's a CF for thinking he could just carry on doing that because he did before, without talking to you or asking permission, but you basically laid a land mine to teach him a lesson!

Exactly this

Why create additional conflict with someone nearby? Just why?

Why not reach out ... or just let it be...be kind yknow?? Kindness??? Neighbourliness??? Community??? If we live in close proximity to others and are intelligent people and can't make effort to be decent.... no wonder the world is in such a perilous state....

Unbelievable

I haven't overlooked any of them. I've actually responded to many of the comments and shared my thoughts and reasoning behind my actions. I do think maybe rocks weren't the best choice to place there, a big plant or something might have been a better option for visibility (I believe the rocks are noticeable, but I understand not everyone has great eyesight, but that begs the question should they be driving in the first place). Still, it doesn't change the fact that his car wouldn't have been damaged if he hadn't used my driveway without permission. I really don't think it was my responsibility to approach him. If he wanted to use or borrow my property, shouldn't he have been the one to ask, rather than the other way around? That’s the point I’m struggling to understand.

So grateful for my neighbourhood

Where we quietly look out for each other ....
Share driveways ... take in deliveries for others..... help each other out.... speak to each other.... yknow ..... community