Is DH being mean or am I being precious?

[TumbleLeaf10]

DH works at a school, he has had 2 periods of absence since September, one for illness and another for a workplace injury.

DS5 had a sick bug tail end of last week. I now have this sick bug. Have been chucking up every 15 mins since 4am. I’m beyond exhausted already and feel absolutely terrible.

I’ve asked DH to take the day off to look after baby DS1, do the school runs. He said no, he can’t because of this other absences.

There is no one who can help. Wtf am I meant to do?! 😢 How can I do the school run without being sick and what do I with the baby all day. I guess I know where he’s coming from but I just don’t know what the days going up look like for me!

Chances of him having the sick bug soon are quite high I assume

I think I’d be trying to keep him away from the vomiting as much as possible, to be honest. Whilst he might be able to take today as an unpaid dependents leave, if he starts throwing up himself, that WILL trigger absence procedures.

I would have a friend take ds5 to school and I’d lie in the double bed all day long with a bucket on one side and baby on the other.

i actually had a reset of my life once when i was poorly. My kids were a bit older, I think around 4 & 6. Anyway, I lied on the sofa all day. Absolutely no housework. We didn’t go anywhere, pizza for dinner etc (very unusual). Total no demand from the kids. Anyway my kids loved it, I remember them saying that they didn’t want me to be poorly again, but could we have a sofa day again. I realised a normal day would involve a fair bit of demands (put your shoes on etc) and this day had zero and they loved it!

He can take a day but he shouldn’t IMO. Unless OP is bed bound or physically incapable of doing childcare then she just needs to get on with it. It’s shit but it’s one of the downsides of parenting unfortunately.

Lol. What?! He can't take a day off work just because you're a bit ill. What he does and how much time he's had off is irrelevant. You're crackers! 🤣

Schools are so inflexible with time off - I worked at a school my child attended, and 3 times they had to send my son home (with me, as Dad is not in the picture) so I got a warning!

I can see both points, when I've got sickness I struggle to even look after myself let alone a child, but he also needs to attend work due to the silly inflexibility!

I feel incredibly sorry for you because sickness bugs are the absolute worst, but he isn't being 'mean'. It's just an unfortunate set of circumstances.

I also think that he will almost certainly get the sickness bug himself and end up needing time off for that, so I don't think it's really reasonable that he can have time off to look after his kids while you're sick too.

I wouldn't want my DH to take time off in those circumstances. I'd keep my DCs home, do as little as possible, and accept that none of us are going to have the most fun/exciting/fulfilled day - but some days are just rubbish days and when someone's poorly, those days happen.

Oh course he shouldn’t take time off, yes ypu are taking the pee.

I don’t understand this. My daughter is frequently telling me about teachers who are off for a variety of reasons. It doesn’t seem to be impossible for teachers to have time off, even at short notice.

If a teacher has a sick child, they can take time off to look after them.

So what did you do @TumbleLeaf10

phone school to say dc won’t be in or asked another parent to take

Keep said child off school and do the bare minimum to survive. Im sure you'll be fine!

Many schools aren't very in tune with actual employment law.

The problem is that it takes very little in some schools to trigger capability. It wouldn't even need to be related to absence. Once you're seen as a problem, you can very quickly find yourself on a support plan for something spurious. The teaching unions are overhelmed because of it and there's often not much you can do once it's set in motion other than negotiate an agreed reference when you leave.

There's a lot of fear in teaching at the moment because of it.

Many teachers accept breaches of employment law to ensure their continued employment.

surely an absence for a workplace injury wouldn’t be counted as sick leave? if it was i’d be contacting the union.

I think every school will differ that’s why there’s such broad comments on here as everyone’s experience is different…as a now retired teacher, honestly I never worked in any school where you’ll won’t be given hell for taking time off, an emergency or not. Sure maybe if your head is falling off in some serious terrible accident, then maybe you’ll actually get some sympathy and a morning off lol but generally teaching is the most inflexible job ever.
My husband always earnt so much more than when I was teaching, in fact his job has always been the more important one …but every time one of ours were to be ill, he took the day off instead of me. I just couldn’t go through the process and the aftermath of taking the day off.

i don’t know what the answer is to your situation is really. I always my in laws to fall back on and they were very good in an emergency, disaster whatever…but I agree not everyone has that. Tbh if you can’t get your kids to school, you can’t get them there. Have the duvet day

You and both DC have the day off. I work in a school and we only are allowed 3 absences for the whole year.

Can he not take unpaid or emergency leave to care for his child ? Family always comes first .

Hope you made it through the day @TumbleLeaf10

I remember one particular grim instance of having to pump for my tube feed baby in the midst of a sickness bug (I followed strict hygiene practices, under instruction of community nursing team). Also had a lively 3yo and poorly 5yo patient zero with me. DP was away. Was one of the roughest days I've ever had.

Teachers can't just show up late.

This isn't the case.

If parental leave isn't appropriate for some reason, he should be able to take compassionate leave, which may be unpaid, at short notice. But PP are right, teaching isn't a family friendly profession.

She's got a tummy bug. It's hardly an emergency!

Christ, there really is no resilience left in this world.

Why I divorced mine - 6 month old son.

Absolutely bloody useless.

Life is better without them.

And better with a fling now and then too!

This is when you should be realising you and DH need to get backup help.
If Plan A is you and you’re sick, and plan B is DH but he’s out of leave from work due to earlier sickness & injury, then it is plain to me you need a Plan C, D and E

In other words you need to hire

• a babysitter
• set up a parent network where you can watch each others kids in these kinds of circumstances
• have friends who can help in a pinch

’

The thing is that, he has umpteen people relying on his being there in school, whereas you and the baby, plus the school child, are just two or three at home, numbers wise. I know that sounds harsh, but, bottom line that's the way it is. You are just going to have to cope somehow, so I wish you hood luck.

Christ alive, make it work ffs! I'm so done with posts being I'm ill with a baby, had a normal birth but need help (obviously not talking serious illnesses) Put baby on the floor until you stop D&Ving, retrieve baby and repeat. It's not the end of the world, it's tiring, that's all, life is tiring, better get used to it ... guns at the ready MN!!