To not want baby near unvaccinated toddler?

[victoriaspomge]

So basically my partner wants his half brother's (same dad) younger half brother (same mum) to come and meet our baby.
He has a daughter who is 2 years old who he says is our kids cousin.

My partner is no relation to him or his daughter biologically but because they share a half brother he feels as if it's his brother as well and that they are family.

He dosent really know him and doesn't have his number and has only met him in the last 10 years.

They only hang out if it's with their mutual half brother.

I know the 'brother' is very anti vax and has not got his 2 year old vaccinated despite living in a city where it has had a lot of cases of measles.

Baby is too young to be have the MMR and I am extremely worried about my baby meeting this 2 year old.

AIBU to feel like this?

Depends, are you not allowing this out of genuine concern or because you want to prove a point? I was an unvaccinated child (I've since been vaccinated as an adult and both my children are vaccinated). You and your baby will likely to come in to contact with other unvaccinated children or even adults, you just won't be aware of it. What about for example if your baby goes to nursery before they are vaccinated and then come in to contact with an adult there who is unvaccinated?

Can posters please stop with the Whataboutery!

It's all about dealing with known risks. It's the same with covid. Why would you knowingly put a baby at risk when you know the risks are higher?

Anti vaxxers are always going to come on here and make stuff up - its complete crap. Some of the eradicated conditions from years ago were horrific and we are so fortunate theyre not around any more.

No, I would not let my gorgeous newborn near an unvaccinated child until they've had their vaccinations at a year old. Full stop.

Unknown dangers are everywhere, as previously mentioned, but you can mitigate risk by avoiding known dangers.

And what's wrong with making a point anyway? (not that I'm suggesting OP is doing that) Anti-vaxxers are a dangerous menace.

Unless you’re keeping your baby at home for the next year or so how will you possibly know if everyone they come into contact with is vaccinated or not?

Personally I think YABU, you sound really snobby and sneery towards your partners family.

I know 100% there are drunk drivers and other dangerous drivers on the road every single day, yet I still drive myself, I still allow my DC to drive and I still walk across roads etc.

What I don’t do is get in a car with a drunk driver/dangerous driver, nor do my DC.

Yes, OP may unknowingly come into contact with other unvaccinated DC during day-to-day life, but that’s very different to inviting an unvaccinated child into your home, specifically to meet the baby when measles is on the rise because of unvaccinated people.

All parents take risk and they mitigate risk, but in the same way I wouldn’t put my DC in a car with a drunk driver, I wouldn’t knowingly open my baby up to the risk of death completely unnecessarily by hosting a play date with a potential measles carrier.

Great analogy @WelshRabBite

We all know we can't control everything about the environment around us, but as a parent it's our job to protect our children as well as we can with the knowledge we have. The OP is not being overprotective. Refusing to take her child into public spaces in case there are unvaccinated children would be over the top. Knowingly exposing her baby to an unvaccinated child is not overprotective and would at best be irresponsible.

It's very easy to be scathing of vaccines when you don't live with the effects of the diseases they prevent.

@victoriaspomge I had measles at age 4. I have had to spend my life dealing with the after effects so I can speak with experience when I tell you that you are doing the right thing. We're all allowed an opinion on anything of course but on this one I've recently unilaterally decided that my own pretty horrible personal experience means mine carries more weight than someone who once Googled something or read it on Facebook. It's just not worth the risk.

Are you never going to attend toddler groups or leave the house? How do you know if kids in the park/softplay are vaccinated. Understand yours is a baby and your only child atm. But it's not realistic. I wouldn't stop taking my older kids out to their groups in case their newborn sibling caught something.
Sounds just like you're not up for having anything to do with this person or their child.
I bet you start baby groups and won't have a clue who is / isn't vaccinated. Newsflash people don't have to tell you or can even lie.

Absolutely not! I would not let my children hang out with unvaccinated kids but also, I don't want to hang out with anti-vax weirdos.

I'm afraid you will have little choice. They will undoubtedly go to nursery/ school with some unvaccinated kids. Us unvaccinated kids don't carry a sign you know.

Do you have reliable sources for this information? Double blind tests, peer reviewed data etc.? Not something you read on Facebook.

This. Their choice not to vaccinate, your choice not to want contact with unvaccinated. Choices are not always free from consequences.

Of course they bloody don't! 😂

It's all about dealing with known risks. It's the same with covid. Why would you knowingly put a baby at risk when you know the risks are higher?

Every time you go out in a car you run the risk of crossing paths with a drunk driver because life is full of unknown risks. Would you choose to be a passenger - with your child - in a car with a driver you know to be drunk?

Every time you eat chicken you are at risk of food poisoning, but we keep it in the fridge and cook thoroughly to avoid that. Would you happily eat chicken you've seen sitting out, uncovered, on a worktop all day and that's still pink in the middle?

Can you not distinguish between known risk factors and unknown?

It's all about dealing with known risks. It's the same with covid. Why would you knowingly put a baby at risk when you know the risks are higher?

Can you not distinguish between known risk factors and unknown?

I agree. Too many posters have no understanding about risks and how to minimise them.

Well I'm shocked. Gobsmacked. Oh no, hang on...

Can you not distinguish between known risk factors and unknown?

There are a frightening number of posters on this thread who seemingly can't.

A baby doesn’t have to be seriously ill to have long term consequences of an illness so it’s about more than the risks of catching it and dying or being hospitalised. My son caught RSV at two weeks old (before the vaccine was available). He wasn’t seriously ill or hospitalised so wouldn’t appear in the statistics, but he’s had eight years of consequences from it so far including having to call an ambulance for breathing difficulties four times and missing a lot of school.
So stick to your guns when you know a child is unvaccinated, it’s not only about the unlikely outcomes.

Having looked as statistics, there have been 957 confirmed measles cases in the last year. That's barely anything compared to the population of the UK.

It's a bit different if the toddler in question was snotty/sneezing and expecting to visit your young baby, but if they're in full health they're a very very minimal risk.

Maybe the compromise could be to meet out and about in a public space rather than have them to your home.
And realistically, how much attention is a toddler going to pay a baby anyway - barely any.

OP welcome to the world of parenting: where you'll be judged if you do, or judged if you don't.

Speak with your partner and come up with a compromise you're both happy with, but ultimately it's his child too and he also has a say in who baby meets.

Having looked as statistics, there have been 957 confirmed measles cases in the last year. That's barely anything compared to the population of the UK.

957 cases more than there should have been

You are probably too young to have had measles. I have had it. It has affected my hearing and my eyesight.

Back in the day children used to have to stay in isolation hospitals if they caught measles.

You need to educate yourself.

I can reply the same way , my son had all his vaccines until the mmr where he was brain damaged for life . Consequently none of his siblings had it . None had measles , my son had measles himself 2 years after . Attacking others by calling them Google readers is offensive when i live daily with the consequences of vaccines and see people on this thread calling names to people who don’t vaccine without even trying to understand the reasons . So with all due respect I maintain what I say when I say no child vaccinated or not can pass on what they don’t have . I suggest OP maintain her child at home away from baby groups , swimming , and any other baby activities because nobody is obligated to disclose what their decision about vaccines is .

I wouldn’t want much to do with a family of anti vaxxers independent of the viral risk to baby. Any more than I would want flat earthers ro be spending lots of time with my children.

but it’s clear your partner views them as family - and family isn’t simple blood lines for many people

and yes you will pass by unvaccinated kids every day - although you are less likely to be in close contact with them until you are attending toddler groups - when your child will be old enough to be vaccinated

don’t some eu countries insist on vaccination before kids go to school ? The uk may be a bit behind in this

so I think you have to agree to a low level of contact for your partners sake but try and control it - outside meetings , short sessions, limited physical contact

and if they ask just be blunt - you think they are risking their children’s health their choice but you won’t let them risk your child’s health