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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask for advice on what to do about a lady in our community.

83 replies

Justaquestion62636 · 09/02/2026 21:14

I work with a local community organisation that works with people with learning disabilities and we do litter picking, gardening and planting up flower beds on our estate. My number has been put on a flyer for new volunteers the phone is paid for by the charity so no problem. Last week I had a message from a tearful woman and rang her back. She said she didn't have anywhere else to ring. Benefits have been stopped and she had no food. Not sure why she rang a volunteer gardening group but she said we sounded kind. She told me she'd not eaten in two days as she has no money and is physically disabled so can't collect from the food bank.
I went to our local shops, spent £15.00 of my own money and took the food to her. I didn't look in the cupboards but she didn't seem to have anything. Friday I called our local food bank and asked about a voucher explaining the situation. They said they normally need a referral but could potentially help out this week, they would need to see her to assess her. I did say that I can't bring her. I work full time and have young child. So I thanked them and said I'd look into other options although I wouldn't mind collecting a food parcel this time and taking it to her.
In the meantime I called a local food pantry arranged to collect three huge bags of food both fresh and frozen and took it to her. There was mor than enough for one week she is on her own.
She has a large dog who is lovely and today I saw a woman on our local field who looked suspiciously like her walking this big dog.
I had another phone call saying she'd been in touch with the food bank and that the food box was available for me to collect this week. I don't mind helping in crisis but I've been out twice. Once to local shops and then a 15 mile round trip to the food pantry. I did this in lieu of the food bank. I am fairly sure it was her walking this huge dog so I'm assuming she would be for enough to get to to food bank to pick it up. Its just food for three days.
I just don't know where to go from here, none of the organisations offer delivery and she doesn't know when she is beig paid next. I tried adult social care but they aren't interested. I can't be responsible for another grown adult but I don't want to leave her in a crisis (I can't be positive it was her walking the dog). I'm going on holiday next week so won't be available then.

OP posts:
DurinsBane · 11/02/2026 23:34

Justaquestion62636 · 11/02/2026 20:16

I've no car now to collect so I'd have to walk down and drop it off on foot. Unfortunately I don't have time and she has contacted again asking very nicely where it is. I've been really kind and said I can't do it and have passed on telephone numbers. She has confessed she has had a food parcel before which I'm certainly not judging her for. She is quite upset and panicked about how she's going to get sorted. Truthfully I pick up.my car again Friday and then we are going on holiday. She's texted the phone saying she has nobody else !

Didn’t you say your husband said he would drop this parcel off for her?

Justaquestion62636 · 12/02/2026 22:02

DurinsBane · 11/02/2026 23:34

Didn’t you say your husband said he would drop this parcel off for her?

I thought so but he's woes away this week and has the other car!

OP posts:
Justaquestion62636 · 12/02/2026 22:13

The food bank don't offer drop off as they say they can't offer the service and say it'll set a precedent which is true. I can't go now anyway
They said I can't collect tomorrow as they're not open after 12. I'm getting my car back till 3pm

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 12/02/2026 22:19

Block her - she’s a scammer and you are her latest victim

Nearly50omg · 12/02/2026 22:20

I’m sure if you ask on your local fb group there will be lots of stories about her from people she has asked to help her and have been scammed by her! People like her sell everything they are given

Whyarepeoplesuchwankers · 12/02/2026 22:38

Justaquestion62636 · 09/02/2026 21:53

She has been in hospital and they stopped her PIP. I don't know much about it.

Then the issue is she needs to reclaim PIP. It takes a while to go through the process, months sometimes, so she's going to have to strictly budget for now. If she won't get rid of the dog (understandable, it could be her only reason for living at this point) then she needs to prioritise food for herself and the dog and cut absolutely everything else, including heating, insurances etc. she may well also need to go into debt until her PIP claim is approved and her back pay comes through, which she can then use to pay off her debts.

Her local council might help, in my area they have a support team that is separate to social services and they can provide tenancy support (it's fine if she's a home owner too, it's for helping people like her deal with the basics of life and get back on their feet).

It's unrealistic to expect people to fetch and carry for her, unless she's organising a supermarket delivery or has a charity willing to collect food then she'll need to get herself into a position to take a taxi to the pantry etc if public transport isn't an option, even if that's a credit card for now.
The PIP process is also really really shit to go through so if she's able to survive on others help she may not be desperate enough to claim it, as horrible as that sounds if you want to protect your own time and energy you may have to get tough with her.

She may also need to look at moving somewhere else cheaper, if she's living somewhere that's too big or too difficult/tiring to navigate regularly with her disability. Downsizing If she's a homeowner. If she's in social housing she needs to contact them because they may have a budgeting team who could help. If she's private renting she needs to accept food is more important at this moment than becoming homeless, which can't happen overnight anyway, it takes months to evict someone.

She sounds like she just has no clue where to go for help at the moment and has left it too late until she's actually run out of money before asking for help

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2026 11:32

Justaquestion62636 · 12/02/2026 22:13

The food bank don't offer drop off as they say they can't offer the service and say it'll set a precedent which is true. I can't go now anyway
They said I can't collect tomorrow as they're not open after 12. I'm getting my car back till 3pm

Fine - so tell her the truth about you not being able to collect it and consider it an opportunity (along with the holiday) to explain that you won't be able to give ongoing help

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 18:01

You sound such a nice caring person and I hope you have a lovely holiday. You’ve done this lady some huge favours and I hope you get sick together. She’s certainly getting stronger if she’s walking a big dog.

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