AIBU to ask for advice on what to do about a lady in our community.

[Justaquestion62636]

I work with a local community organisation that works with people with learning disabilities and we do litter picking, gardening and planting up flower beds on our estate. My number has been put on a flyer for new volunteers the phone is paid for by the charity so no problem. Last week I had a message from a tearful woman and rang her back. She said she didn't have anywhere else to ring. Benefits have been stopped and she had no food. Not sure why she rang a volunteer gardening group but she said we sounded kind. She told me she'd not eaten in two days as she has no money and is physically disabled so can't collect from the food bank.
I went to our local shops, spent £15.00 of my own money and took the food to her. I didn't look in the cupboards but she didn't seem to have anything. Friday I called our local food bank and asked about a voucher explaining the situation. They said they normally need a referral but could potentially help out this week, they would need to see her to assess her. I did say that I can't bring her. I work full time and have young child. So I thanked them and said I'd look into other options although I wouldn't mind collecting a food parcel this time and taking it to her.
In the meantime I called a local food pantry arranged to collect three huge bags of food both fresh and frozen and took it to her. There was mor than enough for one week she is on her own.
She has a large dog who is lovely and today I saw a woman on our local field who looked suspiciously like her walking this big dog.
I had another phone call saying she'd been in touch with the food bank and that the food box was available for me to collect this week. I don't mind helping in crisis but I've been out twice. Once to local shops and then a 15 mile round trip to the food pantry. I did this in lieu of the food bank. I am fairly sure it was her walking this huge dog so I'm assuming she would be for enough to get to to food bank to pick it up. Its just food for three days.
I just don't know where to go from here, none of the organisations offer delivery and she doesn't know when she is beig paid next. I tried adult social care but they aren't interested. I can't be responsible for another grown adult but I don't want to leave her in a crisis (I can't be positive it was her walking the dog). I'm going on holiday next week so won't be available then.

If she had been in hospital for more than 28 days her PIP would stop but restart immediately if she reported being discharged. I'm a benefits caseworker. Many good suggestions on here, my main advice would be provide information for services such as the church charities but not to do more than you already have.

Why didn’t you walk up to the woman and check to see if it was her?

Just a tip regarding food parcels - local mosques often have a ‘drop off’ service and will happily provide hot meals and drop them to your door (sometimes depending on your area).

I know churches might do the same thing too but I just mentioned mosques because the majority of them will do it without any fuss. Might be worth giving them a call so they can keep her going somewhat until her finances are sorted.

Ive been in a similar situation and this is what I did!

When I worked for a food bank, we used to deliver to people who couldn't collect. Can you ask the food bank if this is an option.

If you really can't cope with this extra responsibility then you need to create some boundaries not just with her but with the many organisations that try to palm responsibility off onto any soft-hearted member of the public. You have to tell everyone, including her, 'I have a lot on my plate right now and I can't be responsible for this, long term.'

Does she have a Learning Difficulty or a Learning Disability???? one will likely make her a lot more vulnerable than the other.

It sounds like she may have care and support needs, if she consents, contact your Local Authorities, Adult Social Care help desk, with her ideally, and take advice from them.

Can you just say to her that what she is asking is beyond the scope of your charity, and send her the number of the CAB national helpline to call? I wouldnt get into picking up her food parcel as then it will be an expectation.

Sorry but this does sound quite like scammers in our area. They post on a local group with a story . Someone will go to the supermarket. They can’t ever drive or walk anywhere. They never live in the same area. Always need it delivering. Have never contacted the food banks etc as a first port of call would rather post on Facebook etc. I mean why is she calling a garden group?

Then a week later you see people saying they’ve been scammed.

This lady may not be but it just sounds a bit off..like with the dog too. But I guess she may be real. So to be safe signpost her. You’re not her social worker. Or the food bank volunteer. Call adult social services if you are genuinely worried.

I am an awful cynical person, but I’d be wondering why she’s contacting a gardening charity for this kind of support. Could be that she isn’t genuine and that the more relevant charities in your area are on to her.

I was on my way to work in my car. The road runs alongside the field and traffic was slow. Not easily doable at that time.

@Justaquestion62636 you have done enough. Signpost her to charities who can help, block her number and ffs do not, under any circumstances, tell her you are away for a period. Even if she's genuine, she may onow others who aren't.

I wouldn’t give it another thought then as there may be every chance you were mistaken as you drove past.

Does she live in private or social housing? If it’s the latter then her housing officer should be able to help her.

It’s a scam. I’ve had random people call me -my number is also listed as a contact for a charity - always asking for money for presents/food/something else for the children, but they are never interested when I suggest organisations that can help.

I would be honest and say that although you've been happy to help that you think she really needs some more indepth/expert support and you can't help with that, but these people might and then give her a list of the numbers people have suggested. You dont have to turn your back on her. You could.step back but message to check on her (if you want to).
I think you've been really kind to her. Lots of people wouldn't have.

Tell her you've helped as much as possible, but you have researched organisations that can help her and text the list - CAB, if she is in social housing they can help, church, job centre. I am not saying it is the case here, but I worked with vulnerable groups and many used multiple sources to access food, money, help, until we put a central system in place and found some using 12 sources a week and some sellng the food to fund other uses, others unable to collect but had cars...! If this is your personal phone it should not be used for work, the organisation needs to get you one specifically for that purpose. You may also be invalidating insurance. Say you've been told outside the scope of the charity's help, but good luck with using the advice. It is not being hard, but protecting you and you certainly should not have spent your own money. Block the number after helping and get a charity phone.

I just don't know where to go from here

You "go" nowhere. You have helped out in what she presented as a crisis, you have no way of knowing whether that crisis was genuine or not. You have signposted her to help.

She needs to take charge now and sort herself out.

All local councils offer help from the household support fund - which is being replaced from April by a new crisis resilience fund - go on your local council website and either do a referral form or give her the details to do it herself

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, I'm at work and no time to read full thread but do you know if the lady is in social housing at all OP? If it's a council/housing association property you could contact her housing officer who should be able to help.

You put yourself at risk going to an unknown persons house. You refer her to agencies who can help and that’s it. I have been involved with setting up a charity and done a lot of work with various community groups.

You need head over heart to actually run groups like this because many people target and exploit charities and community groups because they know community minded people work for them.

We had a volunteer give a lift to someone once and another that went with someone to help them choose a new washing machine. It was not in the remit of the organisation at all. I was not an organiser of that group. I actually left because they just didn’t run the group correctly at all which I pointed out. Another volunteer also left as it was a safeguarding nightmare.

personally you have supplied her with some food. Now is the time to step away. You have your own family and job, so you cannot be expected to run around after her. Maybe she is lonely?
what i would do is type up a list of numbers to help her ie CAB, local food bank, day centres maybe, depending on her age Age UK anything like that pop it in her letter box or give to her with a polite i hope i have helped but i am afraid i am unable to anymore, here is a list of people who may be able to help you instead

If you happen to have her full name, I'd look her up on Facebook and Nextdoor, that's where the scammers seem to go. I'm also very cynical that she called a gardening charity by accident, I think she's tried every food bank and main support system already and is now trying little places to panic them in to helping.

You have already gone above and beyond what many people would do OP. I agree that you need to maintain boundaries. Provide the numbers to her and make it clear that you can no longer help.

We had a woman on nextdoor who sounded VERY similar, except she had 5 dogs, multiple cats and ran a supposed guinea pig sanctuary from her concrete courtyard. Every week she'd post that her pet food delivery hadn't arrived, does anyone know where they sell straw, is anyone selling a large dog harness, does anyone have a kettle etc. When people provided help, the response was always- I don't drive, I can't afford that. She'd post about 20 pics A DAY showing her walking her dogs, on the bus, receiving a massive bag of dog food. She had a link to her amazon page and some of the requests for pet items were over £100 per item- such as an electronic water fountain. When people pointed out that the dogs/cat were her pets- she'd become very rude. Eventually she was banned from nextdoor.

Yes this , pass on her details to social services it will be under "vulnerable adults" or something like that. And local food bank And ignore her messages or keep it breezy but stop.buying her stuff.

I would wonder who she knew well enough to look after her dog while she was in hospital for over a month. Surely she could have asked them for help rather than leaning on a complete stranger.
O P you have been more than kind and caring as a neighbour. In your shoes i would back off after contacting social services. If you speak to her one last time you can tell her to contact PIP to reinstate her payments but other than that just allow yourself to drift away from this situation begore you get further embroiled.

Only read through quickly so apologies if already suggested but if she's in receipt of UC she can ask for a loan. They pay it in very quickly and you can pay back in installments. You've gone above and beyond for this lady, what a kind person you are but you have done enough and she needs help from outside agencies. As others have said, who looked after her dog when she was in hospital and who walks her dog (if that wasn't her you saw that day)? I'd be very careful you aren't being taken advantage of. Message her with numbers of CAB helpline, local Social services, even local church and then say you won't be available as you'll be away for a while. She's survived all these years and you've massively helped her out with enough food to last her a while, I'm afraid if she kept phoning me after I'd given her helpline numbers to ring then I'd block her.