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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with my birthday card

55 replies

Nickibobmoonshine · 09/02/2026 16:24

Hi,

My partner and I were engaged but due to some of his actions we cancelled this and he has since told me he never wants to get married and we can just be happy living together, although it was him who was so into us getting married more than I was, but that's just to describe the scene....I have been going counselling because I have a lot of resentment about this and I have lots of thoughts that he isn't as into me as he used to be.

It was recently my birthday and he bought me a card 'to someone special ' AIBU to be quite hurt over this. He couldn't even write anything really nice in the card because he 'didnt have his glasses!!!'

I just don't need any more resentment lol

OP posts:
Duvetdayneeded · 09/02/2026 16:25

Sounds like you’re wasting your time with him. Find someone who will treat you as a special someone.

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/02/2026 16:25

Why are you still together . Neither of you sound happy.

ScreamingInfidelities · 09/02/2026 16:25

DUMP HIM

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/02/2026 16:25
No Way Quinta Brunson GIF by ABC Network

Leave this man

Bikergran · 09/02/2026 20:15

YABU for staying with a bloke who doesn't think anything of you. Ditch him and find a better example.

Original poster
Nickibobmoonshine · 09/02/2026 20:45

Since posting this I mentioned the card to my mum, and she said 'it's just a card' as in I shouldn't take it personally.

I also asked him why the 'to someone special ' and he said he had looked all over the card shop and he couldn't find anything better.

Also I googled it and it said that it can be for that special someone in your life!!

He did put to my Darling and love you forever with lots of kisses but maybe I expect too much.

And we are happy 99% of the time so not sure why I question so much although I do know it's because of the wedding being cancelled, but also know we do have such a good thing and I shouldn't be questioning him about silly things, as my mum says!! He's a man after all!!

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/02/2026 20:58

Well, your relationship is pretty pants with cancelling the engagement and resentment and him not wanting to marry you when you want to get married, and I can’t work out why you’re still together when this is the case. But I’m not understanding the significance of why a card saying “to someone special” is so offensive to you. What theme should he have chosen?

DeathStare · 09/02/2026 21:00

If you were happy in your relationship the card wouldn't bother you.

Arlanymor · 09/02/2026 21:01

What card did you want him to get you? Can’t get a fiancée one and girlfriend would’ve been a bit on the nose given recent events. You’re still hurting and nothing he gave you would have made you feel reassured (which is what you are looking for) after the ending of the engagement. In fact no card can do the heavy lifting of feeling let down and disappointed, only proper conversation can do that. Have you had that conversation yet? Because it will determine if there is any kind of future in this relationship that will satisfy both parties.

FullLondonEye · 09/02/2026 21:03

You are seriously overthinking this card. Clearly there are some problems in the relationship but a card really isn't that significant - certainly not to the point of Googling...

BatchCookBabe · 09/02/2026 21:06

Well, the issue over the birthday card is trivial, but @Nickibobmoonshine it sounds like you would be better off without him. He's not gonna commit, and you want commitment! Dump him. You deserve better!

Bruisername · 09/02/2026 21:07

Nickibobmoonshine · 09/02/2026 20:45

Since posting this I mentioned the card to my mum, and she said 'it's just a card' as in I shouldn't take it personally.

I also asked him why the 'to someone special ' and he said he had looked all over the card shop and he couldn't find anything better.

Also I googled it and it said that it can be for that special someone in your life!!

He did put to my Darling and love you forever with lots of kisses but maybe I expect too much.

And we are happy 99% of the time so not sure why I question so much although I do know it's because of the wedding being cancelled, but also know we do have such a good thing and I shouldn't be questioning him about silly things, as my mum says!! He's a man after all!!

What did you think ‘to someone special’ meant?

the card sounds fine tbh and you seem to have taken it far too seriously

only you know of the rest of your relationship is ok but if your reaction to the card is anything to go by I can’t see that it can be

BollyMolly · 09/02/2026 21:10

If you had that good a thing going, he wouldn’t have cancelled your engagement. If you carry on like this you are basically giving him permission to treat you with no respect, because he knows that no matter what he does or how you feel, you will still give him
what he wants.

pinkspeakers · 09/02/2026 21:13

I don't understand what was wrong with the card or what he write in it. But then I /we never send cards that say "To blah blah" we just send nice but generic birthday cards, or even blank (ie not specifically birthday) cards.

But I don't think this is the real problem here, is it?

BiteSizeByzantine · 09/02/2026 21:15

What actions led to cancelling the engagement?

Eenameenadeeka · 09/02/2026 21:17

I wouldn't be upset over the card but the background of cancelling the engagement sounds bad and not sure if the whole relationship is worth it there

Original poster
Nickibobmoonshine · 10/02/2026 05:23

So I guess what I wanted to know was am I too sensitive to things and take things the wrong way, my mum always says I am, and i think this post has shown me I am, I suppose what ideally I would have liked would have been, to the one I love, to show me, but he does do this every day, which is why we're still together. I know I have to work through things and that's what the counselling is for and I'm still deciding what is best for my future. Thank you to everyone for your replies x

OP posts:
SouthernNights59 · 10/02/2026 05:35

Your relationship doesn't sound great, but what is wrong with the card? It says it's for someone special - what more do you want?

I rather feel there are faults on both sides if this is how you react to a perfectly normal card.

Fruhstuck · 10/02/2026 05:40

You are being absolutely ridiculous about the card. What on earth is wrong with a card saying "to someone special", with a message saying "to my darling" and "love you forever"? My DH and I have always sent each other jokey cards with far less lovey-dovey messages than that.

I wouldn’t call you over-sensitive because that sounds almost like a complimentary thing. I think you just have totally unrealistic expectations and sound like very hard work. Being with someone who perceives slights everywhere can be very draining.

But having said all that, there’s clearly something not quite right with your relationship that has made him not want to get married.

olympicsrock · 10/02/2026 06:27

It’s a perfect card ! You are being way too sensitive

CarlaLemarchant · 10/02/2026 06:32

Nothing wrong with the card. However, doing a u-turn on wanting to marry you to now saying he never wants to show that level of commitment is the big problem. Well, it isn’t if you feel the same way but I suspect that your feelings of him no longer being so into you are probably correct.

What do you want? Marriage, children? If so, you’ve got a decision to make.

SurdEv · 10/02/2026 06:34

Be wary of people who say you are too sensitive OP they use that to minimise your feelings.

Busybeemumm · 10/02/2026 06:38

The card is just a symptom of a much bigger problem. You are both not on the same page about how you want to live.

As hard as it is - he is just not that into you.

Don't waste any more time (and your fertility if you want kids) on this man.

Busybeemumm · 10/02/2026 06:46

Nickibobmoonshine · 10/02/2026 05:23

So I guess what I wanted to know was am I too sensitive to things and take things the wrong way, my mum always says I am, and i think this post has shown me I am, I suppose what ideally I would have liked would have been, to the one I love, to show me, but he does do this every day, which is why we're still together. I know I have to work through things and that's what the counselling is for and I'm still deciding what is best for my future. Thank you to everyone for your replies x

to the one I love, to show me, but he does do this every day, which is why we're still together

Raise your bar. He isn't showing you he loves you. He doesn't want to get married and you do.

You will just know when a man wants to be with you whole heartedly married or not. You have a sense of insecurity and you need to figure out if you need to raise your self esteem or if he is the cause of how you feel.

The card is the red herring here. Try not to focus on the smaller stuff but the overall picture and where your life is headed.

BigBrownBoogyingBear · 10/02/2026 06:52

Is this really about the card? Or is it about whatever he did that led to your engagement being cancelled?